damn it's hard letting go... (Page 2)

Whew, I thought for a minute it stated DONKAI!  JSZAT would have taken umbrage.   

What's the forum link and his moniker?  I'll create a new account and start flaming him big time, but *stressing honesty here* will NEVER mention anything about you and BT or any association thereof.

Ah therapy is great, isn't it? Have not seen that site.

You don't have to necessarily let go. I found this attitude very helpful in dealing with someone I cared about who was toxic: I'll love you from a distance! A far, far distance.

Gotta love (from a distance) the people in your life who say "I love you and I'd love you more if you change!" I miss them! Or, I make it my mission to miss them. And then I don't.

Whew Pigfinn, thanks for the clarification (I think). 

If you liked the relationships you had on the other forum, keep them active.  I'll guess it's a lot like BT and you can choose to engage/stalk/spar/??? with some members and never contact others.  (We're happy for you to spend more time on BT.)  As for him hitting on mutual forum-friends, they either know him and are aware of how he operates, or soon will be.  If one of them contacts you about him, stick to facts ("We've moved on."  "I didn't like the way he treated me." ) 

Enjoy the new-found freedom! 

Many of you already know pieces of *my* story.... and pigfinn, I've shared much of it with you previously...

I could have written that website. I lived it. For 10 years. And reading it makes me uncomfortable. Gives me a feeling somewhere between relief, disdain, sadness and shame... if there's a point in a Venn diagram where those 4 intersect.  I used to measure the good times with my exhusband in half days.

It takes time to work through it. To get through it.

But know... and keep always in mind, that you are a competent wise woman. You have done what is right for you and for your soul. You have done what is going to allow you to bloom and flourish and develop in ways that simply were not possible before.

There's good stuff out there. And there's a measure of pride and freedom in taking care of yourself. And realizing what's just not right.

I'm grateful every day. When I look around at the life I've had the opportunity to create for myself... the people that are by my side... my kitties, my home, Chris. The very items that make my life so good and full now are the things I have chosen for myself. After making the one choice that changed my life entirely. The choice to LEAVE.

My life could have turned out much differently. And I'm glad it didn't.

Give yourself some time. Re-group. If you are having trouble making sense of it all, go seek out some counseling. Very complex issues at play.

Good Luck and you know how to get ahold of me if you need anything.

Well I'm glad I took care of that before you thought I'd make any kind of friend.

Pigfinn,

Just like everyone said it sounds like you made the right decision, nobody should live like that. Now you have time to focus on yourself and whatever makes you happy. Yeah it's a bummer to lose someone that you care for and wish they would change but it sound that it's better to cut your loses at this point. I won't tell you that there are plenty of fish in the sea, go get a cat or a dog to fill the void or just engulf yourself in your workouts and your BT friends. You always have old and new friends here to talk to when you need them.

By the way we won't hold the over abundance of panties in your drawers against you.

thanks

<By the way we won't hold the over abundance of panties in your drawers against you.> I think you guys aleady have, LOL!!

"By the way we won't hold the over abundance of panties in your drawers against you. "

What is an overabundance? Say a person had something approaching 100 in her drawer, hypothetically. Is that an overabundance? Or is something closer to 500 an overabundance? I'm thinking 200 is an abundance and anything over 300 is an overabundance.

Good for you!

I read this book a while back and it really helped:

The Little Book of Letting Go, by Hugh Prather 

I'm thinking 100 is obsessive, 200 fanatic, 300 psychotic and 10 to 20 is normal. Now depending on the style and the matching night ware one for each day of the month might be fun (sorry thinking out load, down hector)

10 to 20 is borderline homeless shopping bag lady!

Variety, Bubba, variety.

Overabundance is when your panties don't match your bra. Those should be tossed. A good ratio of panties to match one bra - 3:1. 30 bras is about right - one for each day of the month. Therefore, 90 panties is just about right.

It's all about the math.

Since you put it that way, I'm sold. Bring on the Panties! Oh yeah, bras too.

We're not supposed to spit during a run?  How else is a dainty lady to clear the Gatorade gak out of the back of her mouth?  You're lucky you dumped him before he advised you to stop sweating too -- that one would have been dangerous.

Seriously, he sounds like a toad.  I'm sure he had (or did a good job faking) some good qualities too, but you've done the right thing.