Goal less partner (Page 4)

I, for one, completely agree with dontracy.  

If you have children, you owe THEM....or don't have them.  That's how big the responsibility is.  Yes, I get that some people so completely screw up their relationship that it may be better, for the children's sake,  to separate.....but there is now plenty of research that says children of parents who stay together, instead of divorcing, are at least as well adjusted as children of divorced parents. (lacking abuse, physical or substance, of any kind, of course)  

My wife and I always TRY to put our children's interests ahead of our own.  Sometimes we fail.....but it's not for lack of trying, and our children get to see a relationship that's real and requires work.  That's a GOOD lesson, because all decent relationships require maintenance.

Just to stay on track with the OP, my ultimate advice would be to do the really hard work to find common ground and keep your family together.....and yes, sometimes the work is really hard...but you'd have a hard time convincing me that it's not worth it.

Of course we have a right to be happy....but if you have children it comes with a great deal of responsibility.  It can never be taken lightly, and it can be really hard.

My wife and I made a decision long ago to never argue in front of our kids...and we don't, ever...come on, it's not hard, be an adult.  That doesn't mean we don't get mad at each other.  On those occasions when we do, we don't pretend, we just don't talk.  It lasts for a few days until we work it out.  The "working out" usually starts when one of our kids says, "dad, you and mom aren't talking, what'd you do?"  

Again, for the OP, good luck.  If you can't make the decision to leave because you have children then you have a place to start, no matter how precarious it may seem. Give it all you have.

I think finding positive conflict resolution and modelling it in the house is very important for kids to see how things can be resolved.   If it works for you not to argue in front of the kids, great, but in the end just seeing that people can disagree and find a way to move on is really important.  Fighting is not the end of the world but finding a way to argue that isn't about tearing the other person down is really key. 

I don't think i was scarred by seeing my parents argue on occassion - they did try to keep stuff away from us but in a house its nearly impossible. When they had taken on too much mortgage and would argue about money every night I couldn't help but hear even though I was supposed to be sleeping.  I did see some bad stuff too - in the end their commitment to one another was always stronger than the fights and it outweighed the fighting.  It all goes to experience and helped me to form what i wanted to be and get out of my own relationships.

Eh.....my kids get plenty of practice with conflict resolution between themselves.....watching adults argue in front of kids is dumb.....of course, that's our way...your way can be whatever you want it to be.  I'm good with my children's development.

I get it - you're the perfect family.  Everyone else is 'dumb' if they happen to have an argument in front of kids, as you say.  (you're obviously not Italian are you? haha)

Anyway, you've probably really coached along their conflict resolution skills because you take the time.  But kids do not intuitively know how to be constructive or deal with different styles in conflict.  But again, you've obviously worked it out well - you're clearly very devoted to your family - not just from this thread but others. 

But then, I know my family life was a little messy while I was growing up - but i think we all, including my parents who were really young, are turning out okay too.  Even with arguments right in front us.  I hate people to judge their parenting skills from that and be called dumb.

I  never said people who argue in front of their kids are dumb.....I said adults arguing in front of kids is dumb....and it is.