Dating (Page 4)

Just a quick vote for not judging someone by their age.    Older or younger, you might find a lot in common with someone and it doesn't matter.

I met my husband when I was 22 and he was 40 and we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary next March.   He had never been married or had kids, so he lived the life of a young person (going out to bars to see bands on Tuesday nights, etc).  We have a great time together and maturity is never a problem.  I was mature 22 year old, starting my masters, living independently, etc.   The only potential issue, as Renee pointed out, is children.  Don't date a younger person without having a frank discussion about that.  

I was a divorced Mama with 2 boys when I married my husband. My boys were first until after we were married which I think is the way it should be. I dated a lot between husbands because I did not date before I got married the first time. I had oats to sew. My sons did not meet the men I dated. They did not meet my husband until we had been together for 9 months and I knew we had a future. I only dated when my boys were with their Dad. Obviously this is not an option for a parent who has sole custody.

When we married my husband also said vows to the boys and gave them each an engraved cross. He was marrying all of us. We have been married 11 years. I still do the majority of parenting and discipline which is best for us. My husband is a wonderful father to all of our children and my boys are closer to him than his own father. I think the way we treated them during the courtship and beginning of our marriage is a huge part of that.

I was a kid that met SEVERAL men my Mom dated and the same with my Dad. Each of these people came and went and then became yet another adult that abandoned me. This was not the experience I wanted my boys to have.

Haha, wait until you're 46! 

I'm also taking a break from online dating.  I haven't found anyone yet where there's mutual attraction.  So instead, I'm trying to just focus on being a happier and better me.  Life is too short to worry about what I don't have.

Well it's nice to know there's a bunch of us dealing with similar issues. Can you imagine what it would be like if we didn't have a time-intensive (and healthy!) hobby? And what would we do with all that excess income?

Seriously, getting more active is one positive that came out of being single and happy. And maybe caring less what people actually think since I AM happy.

Now, bring on the cute runners

Can I toss in my night's latest text, it seems appropriate in this discussion.  

"I have a lot going on and things I need to figure out, I need to take a break from the dating scene."  This was an hour after planning what to do on Saturday.  Yeah, FML.  I'm just going to marry my bike.  Is it polygamy if I marry my running shoes as well?

cdban66 - 2011-12-08 10:28 AM I am quite grateful that my wife and I are still together after 25 years. I'm not sure I could do the dating thing. Once that pond has been fished out, I'm not sure you want what is left. Not in this town anyway

X2

Hard to take her seriously seeing that she's living in LA, working in TV, was married 3 times, and is looking for #4. Seems like she is writing from experience.

Any women (or man) who is looking that hard to get married has issues. Personally I just want to find someone compatible and enjoy life with them as equals. Except I'd still have to be a teeny bit faster

I'd say that's funny, but it's happened to me too. At that point you either reach for the scotch or hop on the bike.

Do the running shoes count as dating twins?

I totally agree with you, she is over generalizing and exaggerating but there are truths hidden in there and I enjoyed the piece for what it was. I really liked the last paragraph of piece. For me I was already married and I have kids so another marriage is not my goal. It's finding someone else compatible enough with me to share my life with. If marriage or whatever came out of that then ok but that’s not my end game.

I always found dating to be quite easy and I think I know why...

I think too many people focus on the "end-game".  Whether it be having sex or getting into a relationship or find the "right partner" or even so long-term as "finding my future spouse".  It causes you to put on an act.  To work towards a goal.  To try to impress and try too hard to "seal the deal".  Some people actually "hunt for their soul-mate."  Wow!  Is THAT a high bar one sets for themself!

I always just tried to have fun in the moment.  To simply enjoy a good time and respect the women I was with.  I wasn't thinking any farther ahead than just enjoying myself at that particular time.  No acts.  No games.  No lines.  Just, "let's have some fun together."  You quickly get to know one another and what happens, just... happens.

I don't think dating web sites are a good thing because it sets the tone for an end-goal of getting into a relationship or even marriage.  I know it's worked for a lot of people and that's great.  When people say, "they met over the Internet", sometimes the best ways is through a common interest web site like BT.  Two people who enjoy triathlon, each other's company and things just develop and happen.  To me, that's a better foundation.

Of course I've been married 20 years now and I asked my wife to marry me 72 hours after we first met.  So take my BS with a grain of salt. 

mr2tony - 2011-12-09 10:57 PM

verga - 2011-12-09 7:40 AM

cdban66 - 2011-12-08 10:28 AM I am quite grateful that my wife and I are still together after 25 years. I'm not sure I could do the dating thing. Once that pond has been fished out, I'm not sure you want what is left. Not in this town anyway

X2

I know you meant this tongue-in-cheek (or at least partially as a joke) but again, with the `being single means you're not desireable' rhetoric. This is why there's a 51 percent divorce rate in the U.S. People, at least where I'm from, get married just to be married because it's the societal norm or they're under pressure from friends, parents, etc. etc. etc.

There's nothing wrong with being single.

There's nothing wrong with people who choose not to marry, marry later in life or can't find someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. there's nothing wrong with someone (like me) who is married for a time and then isn't anymore. It still amazes me that people view singles as having something wrong with them, or in this case, unable to be ``fished'' out of the dating pool.

So utterly bingo.

I actually dig it.

And though I've danced with my share of piglets the last 18 months, I've still spent the vast majority of it not only single, but alone at home.

And I've learned to love it, to love myself in different ways (think what you will about that), to enjoy my own company.

Yeah, it's a little odd when all of your friends are married/together, but I'm odd anyway. So what?

mr2tony - 2011-12-09 10:57 PM

verga - 2011-12-09 7:40 AM

cdban66 - 2011-12-08 10:28 AM I am quite grateful that my wife and I are still together after 25 years. I'm not sure I could do the dating thing. Once that pond has been fished out, I'm not sure you want what is left. Not in this town anyway

X2

I know you meant this tongue-in-cheek (or at least partially as a joke) but again, with the `being single means you're not desireable' rhetoric. This is why there's a 51 percent divorce rate in the U.S. People, at least where I'm from, get married just to be married because it's the societal norm or they're under pressure from friends, parents, etc. etc. etc.

There's nothing wrong with being single.

There's nothing wrong with people who choose not to marry, marry later in life or can't find someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. there's nothing wrong with someone (like me) who is married for a time and then isn't anymore. It still amazes me that people view singles as having something wrong with them, or in this case, unable to be ``fished'' out of the dating pool.

So utterly bingo.

I actually dig it.

And though I've danced with my share of piglets the last 18 months, I've still spent the vast majority of it not only single, but alone at home.

And I've learned to love it, to love myself in different ways (think what you will about that), to enjoy my own company.

Yeah, it's a little odd when all of your friends are married/together, but I'm odd anyway. So what?

Excellent attitude, not just for dating, but for life. We think the same way

TriAya - 2011-12-09 10:05 AM

mr2tony - 2011-12-09 10:57 PM

verga - 2011-12-09 7:40 AM

cdban66 - 2011-12-08 10:28 AM I am quite grateful that my wife and I are still together after 25 years. I'm not sure I could do the dating thing. Once that pond has been fished out, I'm not sure you want what is left. Not in this town anyway

X2

I know you meant this tongue-in-cheek (or at least partially as a joke) but again, with the `being single means you're not desireable' rhetoric. This is why there's a 51 percent divorce rate in the U.S. People, at least where I'm from, get married just to be married because it's the societal norm or they're under pressure from friends, parents, etc. etc. etc.

There's nothing wrong with being single.

There's nothing wrong with people who choose not to marry, marry later in life or can't find someone they want to spend the rest of their life with. there's nothing wrong with someone (like me) who is married for a time and then isn't anymore. It still amazes me that people view singles as having something wrong with them, or in this case, unable to be ``fished'' out of the dating pool.

So utterly bingo.

I actually dig it.

And though I've danced with my share of piglets the last 18 months, I've still spent the vast majority of it not only single, but alone at home.

And I've learned to love it, to love myself in different ways (think what you will about that), to enjoy my own company.

Yeah, it's a little odd when all of your friends are married/together, but I'm odd anyway. So what?

If you're not happy with yourself when you're alone, how happy are you really going be with someone else?

"Dances with Piglets" - what a great potential movie title.

Buuuuut.....
I think this is a huge problem between men and women. Men, including a bunch on this page, are thinking in the moment and never beyond. That's okay, to an extent. At some point, you have to take a hard look at the relationship and decide if it's something you want to commit to. For most women, they aren't okay with just casually being involved with someone FOREVER. They want to know if there is a serious future and unfortunately that means having a conversation about it and making a decision.

Otherwise, that's called stringing the other person along.
  

Yeah, I think there should be a middle ground. 

It is really rare for one to know immediately if you're going to spend a alife time with another person with just a few meetings - the only successful story I heard about is BigFuzzyDoug. 

it takes time to get to know someone.  So give yourself the opportunity to observe.  I agree that "at some point you have to take a hard look at the relationship and decide if it's something you want to commit to..", but this "point" should not be at the very beginning.  In fact, I don't even consider the first few dates a "relationship".  It is just a "getting to know each other" phase. 

But what do I know.  I have not gone on a date for the past 4 years of my single life, and before that I had a BF for 9 years. 

I absolutely love this article. No need to caveat it so heavily - some serous grains of truth in there, probably for a lot of us.