Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0 (Page 8)

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-10 4:32 PM

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:30 PM Meeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights

((hug))  Good luck!!!!!

Suddenly I wish I knew more about video games, Nascar and golf.
At least it's not one-on-one.

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 2:38 PM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-10 4:32 PM

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:30 PM Meeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights

((hug))  Good luck!!!!!

Suddenly I wish I knew more about video games, Nascar and golf.
At least it's not one-on-one.

We could pull a Roxan and I will radio in the answers.

Well, Tiger Woods is looking good for the Players Championship this weekend (1 stroke behind Sergio going into Sat.)

That should get the convo started.

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:38 PM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-10 4:32 PM

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:30 PM Meeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights

((hug))  Good luck!!!!!

Suddenly I wish I knew more about video games, Nascar and golf.
At least it's not one-on-one.

Don't worry.  Just ask and he'll tell you everything about all of it, no prior knowledge necessary!  Kids are cool like that.

Update! It went really smooth. We talked about favorite food and favorite music and yo' mama jokes. No awkwardness at all. Got a text that he told Dad that I was "awesome" after I left. 

I was surprised he wanted me to hang with his kid so soon - but I really dig how open he is with his son and what's going on in his life. The honesty/transparency is refreshing.

It's fun to follow you guys are your dating adventures :)

When I saw yesterday that you were meeting the kid, my tummy flip-flopped a bit.  I would have been nervous too, and I work with kids all of the time!

Really happy for you that it went so well.  It doesn't get much better than an "awesome" rating.

Good to hear the kid-meeting went well.  My kids mostly ignore anyone I bring over (friends, dates, whatever), but they're older (16 & 18. yep - I started wayyy young).

I got to meet several of her closest friends at a BBQ Saturday - Great people and we had a lot of fun...I hear that they gave their approval. Mothers day threw a wrench in or plans to finish planting the garden.

Good to see you and mighty mom are doing well in each of your dating worlds.

She took it "ok".  I could tell she's not happy about it.  We'll see how it goes, but I can see this getting turbulent quickly.  

I have 4 races in the next 3 weekends (2 are this weekend), so I'm looking forward to that.  

Sounds like some of y'all are getting serious!  a few more weeks we're kicking you out good to hear!

Sounds like a few of you are about to jump ship from this thread, congrats!

Went out the other night for Thai food on a first date....he picked his nails and teeth with the skewer that the Chicken Satay had been served on!  I was so disgusted, I could not even pay attention to what he was saying, gross!

I've skimmed through this thread (and the previous version) out of curiosity, but it does me little good; I live so far from anyone that it would take me at least 2 hours of driving for a date in Tucson, and there are only 2800 people here.  There are only two women here I find intriguing; one is married, the other is already seeing someone. Not the best location for a single man, but it's what I'm stuck with for the moment.

Anyway, I wanted to jump in because I need to (politely and respectfully) counter-point this Teejay: very often we just don't get it. Your average, everyday man is very likely to not get the subtle differences in indicators that are very obvious to you and to other women. A man you may describe as "confident" (and that I would see as "cocky") just assumes that you're interested and rolls with it if you aren't. Someone like me misses 3/4 of the signals and almost always assumes that the woman I'm talking with is just being friendly. One woman I ended up dating said that it was like taking a frying pan to my head to get me to recognize that she was interested, and my sister-in-law said the same thing about my brother. One of the reasons my most recent girlfriend and I had to break up was because she NEEDED me to "just get it" and absolutely hated having to articulate things more precisely for me, she described it as "tedious". That one stumped the couple's counselor we went to as we were trying to work things out.

What's very obvious to you may be almost incomprehensible to him. On behalf of "average" men everywhere: please don't assume that we're going to "just get it". Often we need more than a "sincere smile" that we may interpret as simply friendly. Be a little flirty, and in a way that isn't easily attributed to "just friendly". You said something about eye contact that lasts a little longer than "normal". What constitutes "normal" in this case? I've had women I know are not romantically interested in me hold eye contact longer than women I already knew were interested. The difference is going to depend on the individual; and until we get to know you, we have no reference.

I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers. This is one of those things that I've run into repeatedly in life and it has been frustrating has heck.

Men and women communicate very differently, you're spot on. Women sometimes expect subtle hints to move mountains when they should be clearer, while men - well - frankly IMO need to pay more attention to the "more than subtle" frying pan over the head hints. It *does* get frustrating when what one person sees as very clear communication isn't received at all. And then the other person is frustrated because they have no clue what's going on.

Been there, but don't have much advice except to maybe start re-training your brain to recognize the subtle stuff...

This last relationship I was in lasted 3 1/2 years, and we loved each other a lot. We wanted to get professional assistance with trying to stay together, but the communication styles were VERY different and we just couldn't reconcile them. That wasn't the only issue, but it was a big one. We learned the hard way that two people can love each other from heck to breakfast and still not be able to make it work.

And while I'm not a "shoe person", I think your analogy works well. I think I've used the example of puzzle pieces: the two most beautiful pieces in the box just might not fit together, and forcing them will just break something.

Lisa, I won't disagree, but I'll say that it's very difficult for some folks. I'm one of them.

So I have been shadowing this site since fall, not wanting to ruin the good mojo that some of you have going on with the travails of my life.

TeeJaay, your last paragraph is spot on. I have dated everything from women I still admire and respect, and think are truly amazing, to others that have their picture in the most recent DSM IV for several diagnoses. You just have to keep trying, and be honest with yourself about who you are. For the others shadowing this entertaining thread, read TeeJaay's last paragraph. That is exactly it. (But for guys, the sexy shoe metaphor could be spun many other ways. Pick a vice, for me it would be more wine for the cellar. The perfect bottle that pairs up well with me will show itself. It might just take a while.

Lots to recap here- 

I am still here too!  Lots of dates, one guy I am interested in.  Met/saw him while out at a dinner, and to make sure there were NO mixed signals, or miscommunications - I wrote my cell phone number on the back of my business card, went over to the bar, where he was sitting with a group of men and women, and dropped off my card on my way out.  Like TeeJay said a smile and a couple of longer stares built my confidence.  I politely said  "Not sure if you are single or not, but if you are single I would love for you take me out sometime". 

He called the next morning and he took me to brunch....been out a few more times so hopeful?

Also got tongue bumped by a date.  He went to lean over me (to set down my drink) and to my surprise he was going in for a kiss.  Guys your first kiss should NOT be a surprise. He also went in with a stiff-torpedo tongue and that was the first thing that touched my lips....ewwwwe.  Forehead licked and tongue bumped.....only so many bad kisses when you have to wonder if I am giving off the bad signal for these men to kiss me unexpectly? 

As for the communication thing:

The Captain and I definitely had a lot going for us but like you all have mentioned it seemed-like we were speaking two different languages ALL THE TIME.  Even talked about seeking professional help cause we kept coming back to one another, but seems like a sinking ship for both of us.  We wished each other well, and both have agreed to move on.  Yes, he did  move to Chicago, and still more negative than positive.  Which in my world means we both need to move on.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.