BT singles (Page 7)

The relationship isn't over until you walk out. Until then, anything and everything should be at play.

To correct the problem, you need to properly identify the problem. Is the problem you? Is the problem them? Is the problem both of you? Can any of these things be fixed? Are either of you willing to put some effort into fixing the problems?

For example, suppose you're depressed. In depression, you see things unclearly, as through a fog. Not the best time to make big decisions. But you feel UNHAPPY. Does this mean the relationship is broken? Or are you broken? Is the solution to resolve your depression - or to abandon the relationship?

Suppose you leave the relationship. You're still depressed. Still unhappy. What did you solve, exactly? You lost the one person who was committed to your mutual happiness.

Change depression to free-floating hostility. Always blaming someone else for your anger. So you leave the relationship. This hasn't changed your anger issues. But it will change the face of the next person with whom you will share your hostility.

Change hostility to untrusting. Always blaming others for why you can't trust them. You excuse your bad behavior towards them because, after all, they are (in your mind) untrustworthy and undeserving of the better you. You leave the relationship because you're UNHAPPY. You're still a misanthrope, but ready to share your distrust with your next unsuspecting victim.

And so on.

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Again, only in my opinion from past experiences, I will try to answer.

1.) Maturity. When you are young (and in this case, youth has nothing to do with years alive) you (or at least I) are sold on the Disney "happily ever after" "make it work" blah blah stuff. Myself coming from a fairly religious family in the Bible Belt Buckle, had little experience with people who were "happily divorced" and such. I thought you just dealt with it, miserable or not.

2.) Experience. (Again, age isn't a determining factor here, although usually the older you are the more experienced you become.) If you've never been in a situation like this before, how do you compare it to "good" "great" "best" or "horrible"?

3.) Expecting a Change that will never come. People WILL NOT change for you, they will only change for themselves... and, IF (and I can't think of a true example, but if) they did change for you, they would despise you for it.

4.) "Protecting" the other person. I had a problem with that. I didn't want to hurt "her" feelings, my own be d@mned. I accepted martyrdom for absolutely no good reason, and so did she.

5.) "Protecting" myself. Or more accurately, my Ego. For many (and probably a great number of people on a website like this one) the biggest critic you have is yourself. That Cavalier "I won't accept failure" attitude that may have benefited you in some area's of your life is dragging your relationship through hell and back. For me, it came down to admitting that it was not going to work. It wasn't a failure so much as an incompatibility. 

6.) Being unhappy with yourself... if you can't love yourself, shortcomings and all, it is impossible to love somebody else.

/rant.

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So. Um. Yeah. Anyway.

Single women, where you at!?

BOOBS AND BAJINGOS AND other words that start with B!

Frack its depressing me and I'm the idiot that asked the question!

The short:  It's really been over since January.  I was just worried about what to say to him and how to tell him to get the heck out of my house (yes it's mine, it predates our marriage).  I just don't respect my husband anymore.

Sorry I don't have any bewbs I can share.

So, dating is cool and such.

Did I tell you guys about the woman who yelled at me for hailing her a cab?

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Hahahaha, I'm all ears for ya, Tony! 

So I agreed to meet this woman for a blind date, but just for coffee. You know how it is ... `Oh she's a runner you two will get along famously!' so we gather, and she is kind of sweet. Until she goes all anti-man on me.

First I tried to pay for her coffee and get `I can pay for my OWN coffee thankyouverymuch!'
OK.
About 10 minutes in, she starts in with the `Men are the root of all evils and if women ruled the world then it'd be perfect and men rape and pillage and women are all roses and puppy's breath and blah blah blah.'
OK
So then we're leaving and it's pouring so I step out from under the awning and hail a cab for her.
She: `I CAN GET MY OWN CAB I DONT NEED YOU TO DO IT FOR ME.'
Me: `OK.'
She: `Great meeting you. Call me.'
Me: `You should be the one calling me, right?'
She: (confused look) `Huh?'
Me: `See ya.'

Wow! Just WOW!
Now, I am all for being able to do a lot of things for myself, but to be honest, I really enjoy chivalry.  I was brought up that way and although I dont expect it from guys (since many have no clue what it is)  I do really like it when it happens. Especially since i am a business owner and do most everything myself in my restaurant (including demoltion of my kitchen) but when i am out of work, bring chivalry on!

It's not like most of the married people weren't single at one point...and it isn't like the IT guys that make you change passwords every month...

BTW,  this I think is a gem. 
(from Renee's post)


Renee, you're really smart! 

Classic.

Toni sounds like a keeper to me.

you would be wrong sir.

Toni? Who's she and why is she a keeper?

What you would`nt want a strong head woman who does not want you to do anything for her and let her do all the work and then if she calls you lazy, you can say well a man can do it better and BAM she will show  who does it better lol. I am just kidding I am just kidding. Toni went  on a date with a lady who has  turned into a man hatter but still likes to date them

One would think, right? I guess I'm a chauvanistic ahole.

x2......bring it on.  I dig respectful men!!

So you calling her for a second date

We're getting married next week.

Haha joking! Notta chance. I dont mind a strong woman, dont get me wrong, but yelling at me for hailing a cab? Geesh I open doors for dates and walk on the `street side' of the sidewalk and offer a jacket if they're cold. She'd frickin' murder me before long!!!

All the good ones are taken.
haha

Ty,

You've got three kids, so obviously the "social life" is not zero.