Need dating tips - recently single after 12 years (Page 3)

You could always ask if she is training for any other races this season... 
or if she's ever done XYZ race you're training for..
where she got her {{{ insert unisex piece of clothing }}} because you're in the market... 

Not necessarily "pick up" lines but a good conversation starters after a race (not before!).

You could also ask if she wants to join your group for a post-race coffee/lunch if things go well (note: set up post race coffee/lunch with friends beforehand).

Just don't ask how she did in the race. 

YASFH

+1

You don't even have to say anything all that insightful. If she's interested, she'll overlook the fact that you aren't quite Bill Shakespeare

Wrong, don't end up like Cord.

When they make eye contact and smile back, smile bigger. If they smile bigger, you smile bigger. Keep going till it get's creepy, then laugh and run away.

She will be talking about you to her friends for weeks! The next time she sees you she won't be able to help herself, her curiosity will draw her straight to you like a tractor beam!

Agree to a point. But I personally like it when a guy actually has something to say.
Just a smile and eye contact won't get you very far. Have a plan, Stan! 

This is a very general statement but normally correct.

I accept your reference to my hawtness.

This is an excellent point.  If if she still flakes, I bet at least one of her friends will be all, "Hmmm, who was that badarse that dumped [Flake] at the bar the other night.  I hate her anyway.  She's a skank.  He must be killer.  Maybe I'll Facebook friend him . . . ."

My plan involves copious amounts of carpet cleaner and febreze

Wait, this isn't a dating website?? Then what's the point?

I'm glad.

ok so i had a guy that was kind of unclear and undecisive. After the first time he flaked out on us getting together I just kind of blew it off and thought well things come up and happen so whatever no biggy. I'll just let him figure it out if he wants to hang out again. After that he was like i want to hang out with you let's do something so I was like ok let's make acutal plans and follow them out. So we seemed to have figured it out and I went out to meet him at a xyz place at specific'o clock. Well I get there and I'm waiting.. now i'm kind of picky about punctuality because my dad was military and he's always been picky about me being on time ever since i was a kid..... anyways. 15 minutes late I can get over it. After 30 minutes I'm over it. Well i wait 30 and he texts me saying he's at a place not that far away and is heading over to another spot... I'm like seriously???? You "wanted to hang out" with me and you don't show up at the place we agreed upon and on time? After that I was like ok this is over.. i'm not playing this game.

^All that to say make sure if you plan a place to hang out with a girl and give her a time to meet you. please please please SHOW UP!

That is my dating advice lol

good luck :D

PS> that trip wasn't a total bust I ended up meeting some really nice guys and my friend and I had dinner with them on time at the right place this past weekend. so you never know who will cross your path.

What worked for me is to find yourself first before going back out to the dating world. Have fun and relax as you get accustom to who you are alone after being with your GF for 12 years. Understand what you are looking for in a woman, what you need, what you have to give, and then let the dates come as they may. The right one will come!

Once you get to a place where you have balanced out then Internet dating is a good place to meet people. Good and bad will come in that adventure.

Best of luck! 

Clark

Who am I, to be blind?

I'm starting to seriously think our joint venture in the relationship advice world might have some legs.

Good points, and thanks. (And no, I don't take it personally.)

Right now, my take is that '2' is not a big enough sample size from which to gauge a pattern. If after 5 or 10 dates every singe girl won't return my calls, I think I'll have to do a serious self-assessment. But I don't think it'll come to that.

The other thing I'm trying to keep in mind (and to use the BT vernacular), this is a HIM, not a Sprint. I'll go on dates, meet lots of people, likely strike out a bunch. But eventually I'll meet someone pretty cool.  And in the meantime, I aim to just have fun, enjoy the ride, and try not to feel too bummed if it occasionally doesn't work out. If this were easy, we'd have all found our perfect match by age 20 and wouldn't have to watch all those painfully awkward commercials for Match.com and eHarmony.

Also, thanks a lot to the rest of you for the feedback and advice; the good, the bad, and the ridiculous.

Context: The IS that we are talking about is someone else's behavior. I'm not responsible for someone else's behavior. I'm responsible for my behavior. If someone behaves badly towards me, that's about them, not me. Whether they feel justified is irrelevant.

If someone cheats on you, it's them. They are a cheat.

If someone habitually lies to you, it's them. They have a problem speaking truth.

If someone steals from you, it's them. They have it in them to steal.

If someone texts you, prompting you for attention, you then give them attention and then they don't ignore you, it's them.

Please don't assume that means I'm saying the other party is blameless in all ways. We are all responsible for our own behavior. It just means that if you take things at face value, especially if you are just getting to know someone, you usually have the answer right in front of you. For example: My boyfriend lies to me because that's who he is - a liar, a dishonest person, someone for whom lying is not a problem, someone who finds it difficult to speak truth (take your pick). Too often we blame ourselves for someone else's bad behavior.

I had a badly behaving ex-boyfriend many years ago. I drove myself crazy trying to understand what triggered his behavior, what I might be doing to set him off. Then one sunny day, after a horrible lunch date together, it hit me. He behaves badly towards me because he behaves badly. It's not about me; that's him. That's who he is. Made things so much clearer. I never felt so calm in breaking up with someone.

I don't disagree with the gist of what you wrote, but within the context of my response it doesn't apply.

mr2tony - 2012-02-08 11:53 AM

Renee - 2012-02-08 11:49 AM

mr2tony - 2012-02-08 6:50 AM

Renee - 2012-02-07 2:57 PM

Apotheosis - 2012-02-07 3:34 PM

Renee - She texted you because she wanted a little attention, some positive reinforcement - IOW, she wanted you to butter her butt, so that she needn't feel rejected/inadequate.

She hasn't responded to you, aka ignoring you. Take it at face value - ignoring you = I'm not interested or you're not interesting (same thing). Or, maybe she thinks you should chase her harder; her butt needs more butter.

You were on the fence, the first date was "ok," and now you're being ignored after she prompted you for some attention. You're not confused.

ETA: Girls are confusing. Women are not.

I'm not? Oh, ok then. Thank you for clearing that up.

Well, there's understanding what you are receiving (or not) and then there's accepting what you are receiving (or not). I can't help you with the acceptance part, though I tried when I recommended that you take it (accept it) at face value.

If you are still not getting it ... she is who she appears to be. She has demonstrated that she will prompt you for attention, and then ignore you when you deliver. Is that really confusing?

It's a lot easier to deal with when you start accepting at face value what people do/say, especially the negative stuff. E.g, "Why does my boyfriend throw verbal bombs when we argue? He knows it hurts me." Because he's a bomb thrower and he means to hurt you. Or "Why would my boyfriend cheat on me?" Because he's a cheat. Saves a lot of second-guessing yourself. It's not you - it's really them.

FWIW. YMMV. FDIC.

Sometimes it IS you. I have friends, male and female, who are constantly being dumped by person after person for the same reason. And then they have the cajones/chichis to say `What is his/her PROBLEM!?' I want to say `Your psychosis.' but I usually don't. Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with you, Apotheosis, or you, Renee. I'm just pointing out that sometimes you have start with the man in the mirror and ask him to change his ways.

Context: The IS that we are talking about is someone else's behavior. I'm not responsible for someone else's behavior. I'm responsible for my behavior. If someone behaves badly towards me, that's about them, not me. Whether they feel justified is irrelevant.

If someone cheats on you, it's them. They are a cheat.

If someone habitually lies to you, it's them. They have a problem speaking truth.

If someone steals from you, it's them. They have it in them to steal.

If someone texts you, prompting you for attention, you then give them attention and then they don't ignore you, it's them.

Please don't assume that means I'm saying the other party is blameless in all ways. We are all responsible for our own behavior. It just means that if you take things at face value, especially if you are just getting to know someone, you usually have the answer right in front of you. For example: My boyfriend lies to me because that's who he is - a liar, a dishonest person, someone for whom lying is not a problem, someone who finds it difficult to speak truth (take your pick). Too often we blame ourselves for someone else's bad behavior.

I had a badly behaving ex-boyfriend many years ago. I drove myself crazy trying to understand what triggered his behavior, what I might be doing to set him off. Then one sunny day, after a horrible lunch date together, it hit me. He behaves badly towards me because he behaves badly. It's not about me; that's him. That's who he is. Made things so much clearer. I never felt so calm in breaking up with someone.

I don't disagree with the gist of what you wrote, but within the context of my response it doesn't apply.

Ah I misunderstood what you wrote. I thought you were saying that it's always them. I agree that sometimes it IS the other person. Trust me -- I've been there. And sometimes it was me. Though it was probably them moreso than it was me.

It's not me its YOU!