Incestuous Neighbors

Hit and miss on my block - we're all nice and cordial but not soul mates.

Usually hang out 4th of July with my next door neighbors and shoot off fireworks, drink a few beers. The older folks on the end of the block are like the senior version of "Friends" though - I actually don't know which ones live in which houses because they are always going back and forth. Then there's people I don't even know their names... 

Doh! I always get suckered by the incest title!

You could live next door to us... we are more than happy not to talk to you.... but our kids could play together. We could put a doggie door in the fence.

see that's my style of home ownership, look out for weird guy jiggling your door handle or lurking around, maybe share a beer occasionally but the constancy of it all, and in depth knowledge of each others' lives I find a bit odd.  but as I said, maybe I'm the weird one.

Honestly, I used to live in A2 and loved this aspect of living there. We hung out with the neighbors every weekend, just lit the fire pit in the winter. Many nights we'd be on the deck and some other neighbors would wander over at 2am to join the festivities.

It was a great, safe,and fun environment. The kids could run around and there was always someone out there keeping an eye on them. I left 12 years ago and still talk to my old neighbors on a regular basis. Embrace the Midwest lifestyle!

For the most part it's a kid thing.....you won't get it until you have kids.  The shared experience opens you up more. I'm not going to try to explain it....so don't ask.  It just is.  

Knowing the crowd, this will probably be offensive to some....not my intention.  I've lived both sides of it.  It doesn't make you weird at all.....you just don't get it.  

Don't worry, they don't get you. 

when i was growing up, i lived in a neighborhood like that.  everyone knew everyone, and hung out with everyone.  in 10 houses only 4 had kids - we all played together.  we all took care of the elderly couples on our block.  we all visited with the other couples on our block.  i MISS that neighborhood, these neighbors were great friends.

my neighborhood now was much the same when i moved in -- you could just kind of walk over to the neighbors and hang out if people were home, help out with house projects, hang out a LOT in the summer.  a few people have moved out and the lady next door to me decided she hates me so it's not quite the same and i really miss it.

so what if these people choose to be friends with their neighbors?  maybe their family is 300 miles away like mine.  maybe they all bought houses at the same time and go way back now.  you don't have to join in their party, but no reason to judge them.  whatever works for you.  it doesn't mean that your way is the only way.

this.

+1

It's an Ann Arbor thing.  Washtenaw county too, so you can't get away from it.

Growing up in rural Washtenaw county, we had one neighbor, he had kids my parent's age - original owner of his house, my house was originally owned by my grandparents.  My dad would still go drink a few beers with him on his back porch all the time.

Ah...  "Marvin".

Marvin lives about 5 houses down from us.  Married with 3 kids.  His garage has been converted into a "party cave" and on Summer nights it's pretty much always open.  Marvin hosts the hang-outs, drinking parties, football games.  Kids running around in the backyard.  Marvin can be seen throughout the neighborhood helping other people with yardwork or helping with your boat or loaning out his pickup truck or one of his several utility trailers.  Not only is he "Mr. party-central", he's also, "Mr. volunteer-help-you-out-with-anything".

And Marvin never invited me/us to ANYTHING!

And then one night I walked down the street to Marvin's garage to see what it was all about.  About 8 people, husbands and wives just hanging out in his garage, talking and drinking.  "Doug!  Buddy!  Took you long enough!  Come on in and have a beer!"  And I realized that Marvin doesn't put any pressure on anyone.  He doesn't invite so that you feel obligated or awkward.  There are no formal invitations.  If you prefer to be alone and not hang out socially, that's OK.  Your choice.  If you want to come and join the gang, just come and join the gang.

So what's wrong with you and your husband is that you're most likely taking this too seriously.  They're probably NOT ostracizing you.  If you want in, just walk on over and introduce yourselves.  You ARE neighbors after all!

Then I discovered something else as "the gang" does this 3-4 times a week...  "OMG do you people not have anything to do -- after I work all day every day all week, volunteer @ two places, try to do any sort of working out, take care of 2 dogs"  They do this on weeknights for EXACTLY THIS REASON!  The stress of the day.  A bunch of neighbors will stop in at Marvin's party cave for 1-2 beers, spend about 30 minutes, and then go home to get stuff done.  They don't party on weeknights like it's the weekend.  I've found that if I've had a stressful day, I'll stop at the grocery store on the way home, buy a case or two to replenish, walk down to Marvin's, and hang out for a half-hour.  Usually just vent about my bad day.  Get it off my chest, hear some funny jokes, laugh for a bit, and then one of my kids will come cruising on in to welcome me home.  Just a 15-30 minute steam blow-off.  There's no pressure to stay longer.

And understand that "the last thing I want to do is hang out with people I just happened to move in next to" is perfectly acceptable as well.  My guess is that the "Captain" is simply not bothering you and figures if you want to join in, you'll join in.

The psychology behind it all is to simply be friendly.  Some people - and you remember them from high school and college - LIVE to be surrounded by friends.  I'll bet "Captain" was voted "most popular" in high school and in college was President of his fraternity.  So I wouldn't take this all too seriously.  Enjoy the company when you want to, and do your own thing when you want to.

... And I would appreciate the opportunity to have a "Marvin" or "Captain" in the neighborhood.  You have a choice to be social or not.  You could be living next to a bunch of a-holes who are constantly bickering about crap like, "you blew your leaves onto my yard.  Stop it or I'll sue you in small-claims court!"

Yeah I suspect this, my brother said as soon as they had a kid, they had instant friends in Chicago.... I get it :D

Ha!  I thought the same thing.  I hastily gave all my colored lights to the Salvation Army today!! It's white lights and green garland from here on out!!!

Well this explains a lot!  Thanks.  
Though I think I'd edit the "safe environment"  We've had a rash of home invasions of late, as well as street muggings (granted at night) and I would say I definitely would *never* leave my door unlocked, while at home even -- something I did on a more regular basis when I lived in west Livonia.

True dat.  I was trying to understand the psychology behind it all.... never been in this sort of scenario before.  Thanks for the insight into Marvin/Captain! 

Wow, I lived there in the 90's and it was very safe. Although I'm not surprised there is a little more crime near the U. We lived right by campus, probably very close to where you are now, for 2 years while we built a house off Plymouth Rd.

Go Blue!

We talk to our neighbors. The guy next door I might have actually laid eyes on for a total  of 30 minutes in 7 years. We go months and wonder if he is dead.

A guy down the street does our carpets... it's what he does. Real nice guy and family. Likes to talk about his grand kids... but ya, Christmas eve, he brings over a plate of goodies. Really nice, unexpected.

... but we don't hang out. But if our dogs got along, I would so let them play. I replaced a fence... and my dogs always barked at the ones next door. I thought it was going to be a problem... but the fence was the problem... they played all day no sweat for three days. They thought it was great.... his dogs would "come over" and see if they could come outside.