Please help me get a day off at work by giving me your awesome chili recipe

you want to get so sick you can't come into work?  cause then just take any chili recipe, make sure the meat is old, don't cook it well enough, and you are good to go.

I really like the one in Scott Jurek's book "Eat and Run"

http://www.bigoven.com/recipe/315985/minnesota-winter-chili

If you want turkey chili- try this guy: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/simple-turkey-chili/

This is vegan, but it's been a hit with everyone I've made it for. I would cut back on the maple syrup to 1 tbsp, use mushrooms and I always add red and orange bell peppers.

Crazy Sexy Bean Chili
Serves 8

This chili has a spicy kick. For less heat, remove seeds from the jalapen~o and feel free to use only half the chile.

1 1/2 Tbs. cumin seeds
2 Tbs. olive oil
1 white onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapen~o chile, finely diced
2 Tbs. chili powder
1 1/2 cups ground seitan, crumbled tempeh, or finely diced mushrooms
1 zucchini, diced
1/2 cup diced sweet potato
2 15-oz. cans of black beans, rinsed
2 15-oz. can of kidney beans, rinsed
1 14-oz. can of crushed tomatoes, such as San Marzano
2 Tbs. maple syrup
1 tsp. sea salt
1/2 bunch of fresh cilantro, plus more for garnish (optional)
1 cup kale, chopped
Diced avocado, for garnish, optional

1. Toast cumin seeds in dry soup pot over medium heat for 2 minutes or until aromatic.

2. Add oil, onion, garlic, and jalapen~o. Stir until onion is golden and translucent. Add chili powder, seitan, zucchini, and potato, and stir well. Saute´ 3 to 4 minutes, stirring constantly. Add black beans, kidney beans, tomatoes, 2 cups water, maple syrup, sea salt, and cilantro. Cover pot, reduce heat to low, and cook 20 to 25 minutes, or until potatoes are tender.

3. Remove from heat;  stir in kale. Garnish with diced avocado and sprigs of fresh cilantro, if using.

Recipe courtesy Crazy Sexy Kitchen by Kris Carr with Chad Sarno

Make sure that "old" meat is ground pork! My first stab at chili when I was about 16. I was down for 3 days.

To the OP. Seems that powedered cocoa is the magic ingredient that sends any recipe over the top. Depending on recipe size, no more than 1-2 tsp per 1.5 lbs. of meat.

Recipe is probably a loose term when it comes to my chili making, but I do kind of head in the same general direction most of the time. For this batch, I was on the hook for the hot chili selection for a football party.

I started with:
1/3 slab of pepper bacon diced
1lb of ground beef
3/4lb of hot italian sausage cut up into chunks
1lb of hot breakfast sausage
1lb of ground bison (first time for this, but seemed to turn out ok, I'd
have done another lb of ground beef if I hadn't seen the bison)
1.5lb of cubed stew meat

put all the meat in a very large pot and start it browning on medium
high with some black pepper (1 or 2 tbls) and a couple of tbls of
whatever kind of hot spices you have around. I use Tony Cachere's(sp)
Creole Seasoning usually.

While the meat is cooking add:
2 med onions diced
4 cloves of minced garlic
1 anaheim or poblono pepper chopped
3 good sized jalapenos chopped
1 habanero chopped (only used about 2/3 of it and this was big batch)
5 or 6 roma tomatoes diced

Then add a chili seasoning mix of your choice. I usually use Caroll
Shelbys that comes in the little brown bag or that 2 Alarm brand that
comes in the square package. Dump in everything but the flour/thickener,
I use more creative things for that.

Then turn down the stove to about 3 or 4 and it is time for the canned
stuff:
I use a variety of beans -
1 or 2 regular chili beans
2 black eyed peas with jalapenos
1 or 2 black beans with chili spices
2 cans of fire roasted diced tomatoes
1 can of tomato sauce

Let all that simmer for a couple of hours and then it is time for the
crazy stuff.

1 jar of jalapeno jelly
up to 1 stick of butter and/or 2 cups of grated cheese depending on how
thick it is/isn't.

Tomato paste works well to thicken if you want to avoid the fat/cholesterol (but seriously, at this point things health and nutrition have been long forgotten).

I prefer to start a couple of days early so I can let it sit in the
fridge over night and then simmer it again the next day to fine tune by
adding season salt, more heat, etc if it needs it. Total simmer time
needs to be at least 4 or 5 hours stirring every 15 min or so, the more
time the better. The onions, garlic, tomatoes and peppers should be
pretty much dissolved by the time it is done.

The flavor effect I'm shooting for is a first hint of sweetness that
turns kind of salty and then finally shows the heat. This batch turned
out to be about what you'd get by ordering your thai food "medium" or
about as hot as Buffalo Wild Wings hot/spicy garlic/caribbean jerk
sauces those help for a comparison. I'd like it a little hotter if I was
only making it just for myself, but leaving out the hotter peppers and
switching to regular sausage instead of the hot variety will mellow it
out for wimpy eaters.

x2 on this. Won a local chili contest with it. Out of hundreds who have tried it, I have gotten 2 negative responses, both claiming it was too sweet.

I make an easier version of it now ... the key is to use fresh ingredients wherever possible.

I feel like it tastes better with 2lb ground sirloin and half the beans. But you can play with the meats/proteins how you like. It's also really good vegetarian, subbing in black or pinto beans for additional kidney beans, and a 1/2c of red lentils to give it more body.

1. Heat 2tbsp olive oil (cooking, not EVOO).

2. Add 1 chopped red onion, 1 chopped yellow onion, 4-5 cloves chopped garlic, 1 chopped red bell pepper. Saute a couple min.

3. Add 2lb ground sirloin; saute 'til fully cooked/browned.

4. Add 1 can or bottle Guinness, 1 cup strong dark brewed coffee, 1 cup beef broth, 2 large red ripe (pref vine) diced tomatoes (skin seeds and all), and 2c pureed (skinless, seedless) tomatoes. Stir well.

5. Add 1-2tbsp chili powder (how hot do you want it?), 2 tbsp paprika, 2tsp oregano, 1tsp black pepper, 1 tsp white pepper, sprinkling of sea salt (more can be added later, be cautious now).

6. Add 1 can kidney beans (whole can) and 1 can black beans (drained/rinsed). For the brave, add chopped chili peppers: I prefer red or even tiny green peppers or habaneros to jalapenos (those make it too sour).

Simmer for an hour, scraping down the nice dark goo on the sides of the pot into the chili (that's what really gives it flavor and thickness). Make sure you get the bottom, too. --every 12-15min. After an hour, sample the taste. If it's too sour (usually because the tomatoes and the pepper weren't very ripe/sweet), add 1/4c dark brown sugar. The chili may be ready now; if not, simmer for another 30min.

Okay, now I need to go finish the batch that's in the fridge

If you're not trying to win a contest, this is a great kitchen-sink chili for subbing the meats (try different varieties of beans, bulghur, lentils), and/or adding just about any kind of veggie (I love adding carrots and corn).

P.S. It REALLY tastes good the day after; I'd make it the morning of the day before and let it sit in a fridge for a day and a half.

P.P.S. I think it tastes best served over brown rice, with sharp cheddar grated onto it and chopped red onions.

For a different take on chili try Chocolate Chili

http://www.theclothesmakethegirl.com/2009/02/22/my-favorite-chili-recipe/

I noticed the 1/2c brown sugar
Sounds interesting though. 

I have tried complex recipes and simple recipes.  All with varied results.

What I learned about chili more than a lot of foods is that it's a very dependent on who's eating it.  What's good for some is terrible to others.

Generally, a steak is a steak, a burger is a burger, pizza is pizza.  (yes, there are good and bad versions of all of them).

But CHILI, and perhaps BBQ is polarizing.

That being said, my quick standby that seems to be a party favorite (but it changes every time I make it):

The base:

• couple lbs of ground beef cooked
• Couple large cans of chili beans
• Can of diced tomato
• 1/4 cup of chili powder
• 1/3 cup brown sugar

To THAT, sometimes:

• I swap out honey for the brown sugar
• maybe add diced onion if I have it
• add a beer
• I added a 1/4 cub of tequila once, not bad
• left over cold coffee - about a cup once
• Used finely diced stew meat instead of ground beef
• Used finely diced pork
• and a hodge podge of spices.

That's the joy of my chili, it's just what inspiration drives me to do at the moment.  Each batch is an experiment.  However, if it's for a party or pot luck, and tend to hold back on the experimentation and stick to something more basic.  I would hate to fail on a batch made for a party.

This sounds like a solid blueprint.  Along the lines I make.

But I know it's technically not chili if you add beans, but I just love standard chili beans in mine.

Some sweet to balance the salty/spicy is key.  I have tried various things.  (I avoid process sugar, though).  Brown sugar, honey, molasses.  They all work and even add some unique flavor characteristics. 

I've won a few work competitions with what would be considered "barely" home made chili.

I get two packs of standard McCormacs chili seasoning and follow the directions on the package.  2 cans of black kidney beans (usually bushes brand) 4 cans of tomato sauce mixed into two lbs. of low fat ground beef.

Then the magic happens...  The super secret ingredient that makes it the bomb....   mix in two jars of Hot Pace thick and chunky salsa....

Then when it's done cooking I'll mix in a bag of kraft sharp cheddar cheese.

You end up with the most unbelievable cheesy chili with just a slight bit of kick from the salsa.

It placed #2 out of 60 in the largest cookoff and I've won first place a couple times in groups of 20-30 contenders.

running2far - 2013-03-22 9:17 AM Did you win or what?

2nd. I am sure it was something I did wrong.

Boogie7247 - 2013-03-22 3:25 PM

running2far - 2013-03-22 9:17 AM Did you win or what?

 

2nd. I am sure it was something I did wrong.

did you bribe the judges?