Balancing the materialism of Christmas (Page 2)

Good luck, that's a tough situation.  If it were me I'd stick to what you would like especially since you are the parent now.

Christmas as a whole I have been done with for years.  The only thing I enjoy about it now is for our kids who still believe in Santa.  I just don't care for telling my parents or anyone what I would like for Christmas.  Then again I don't want anyone worrying about finding a gift for me.  I would be totally fine with no gifts at all.  I used to love this time of year, the music, the excitement ,hanging out with family and friends.  Now it just depresses me and then I get more depressed that I am depressed about it in the first place.  It's an abnormal merry go round.

Last year the boys tried to do the gift exchange thing, but it became hard when they would find some little thing for a brother they didn't draw.  I really do LOVE getting gifts that are given from the heart, but I realize that shopping is not what they like to do.  This year we are kinda focused on giving each other homemade things like bread, hot chocolate mix,etc.  Everybody is buying for the 3 year old (and most of his gifts are 2ndhand (he doesn't care) and therefore we have been able to spend more on him.  Grandson's stocking is a community one, as are stockings.  The limit the boys have set for each other is $5-10.  

The boys have already started talking about things they want to do with grandson over the break (blanket forts and box castles),so I have asked for lots of giggles and  memories.  This will be the first year that our grandson will not spend Christmas with his grandpa (grandpa's choice to spend it with his mom instead of his kids and grandson).  

Usually we draw names off of the tree at our parish but this year we just couldn't justify it, so we are volunteering at a soup kitchen instead.  

Mike is right about boundaries and I have a tough time with those when it comes to my family--like you do--and he would verify that!  My parents are learning that there are some things that I value their opinion on and others I just need them to support me no matter what.  I am definitely testing that concept right now.  

No doubt about it, we all have a line in the sand, or a part that we just can't stomach.  I completely understand the challenge that one might have in this. 

I look at it from the scope of having shared a room with my Grandfather when I was a teenager. Nothing that he ever gave me when I was young matters now, it was stuff.  Heck, I don't remember what most of it was.  But the time I spent with him matters. It didn't at the time, but as I've gotten older, well, you know how that goes. I'm not saying bend over backwards and get stepped on, just keep in mind that the future brings a ton of change, even in how I feel about the time I spent with my G-Pa.

Thought about this a lot this week. I've never loved Christmas/gifts and it gets worse every year. I'm envious of those posting in the "I LOVE XMAS" thread because I WANT to love it. I love being around my family and Thanksgiving is so awesome because there is no pressure, just a nice meal and conversation and such. But the pressure of buying everyone a gift - both monetary and thoughtfully - is big. I do not naturally see things and say "OH! Mom would love that!" - it does not come easily to me so I have to wrack my brain for months before Christmas or have them send me something specific they want and neither of those situations are ideal, or what I believe to be the intent of Christmas.

It begs the question of - if you are going to tell me exactly what to buy you, or return what I buy you, why don't we just skip it? You spend the money you were going to spend on what YOU want, and I'll do the same? Especially in a family with no little kids (not trying to be a grinch to the little ones) - the ONLY kids in my family are 10 and 13 so I can see getting the kiddos some surprises, but the other 90% of the family who are adults? Seems so silly to hop on this merry-go-round every year.

I brought it up to my parents twice this week about doing a "no-gift" Christmas. They are open - so maybe we will try it next year for the adults.

Marti, I hope that everything works out for you, but mostly that you stay strong and true to yourself. As hard as it is, there are things in the world we can't fix or change, so our best bet is to change our response. It looks like you are taking that step. Congratulations, and I hope that this season treats you well.

This has been a thought-provoking thread!  Good idea about calling your brother, Smarti, that would have been my suggestion.

I am a known Grinch and have managed to abolish all gift giving in my family (both mine and in-laws) for anyone but kids.    It's great!   We also put a stop to it at work.  So, I have a hard time putting myself in the shoes of someone who, when asked to stop exchanging, says they really want to do something.  Why?  I wonder.   Do they like the surprise of something new?  Is it the tradition?  It is also hard to display enlightened ideas about respect of resources, etc.   Excess is fun and comfortable and a sign of well doing.    

I think it's different for kids who can't take themselves shopping, don't have their own money, etc. Then gifts were really exciting!