Stupid things heard in the gym / locker room

to quote the naked dude who almost sat on me in the steam room the other day...

"Whoa!  Steamy in here"

**full body shiver**

I new prospective client asked a trainer that was taking them on a tour of the place "so, are you open 24 hours?"

The place is called "24 hour fitness"....  Oh boy...

Yikes!

A guy with a full "rubber" sweat suit on.  A large guy.

 "I've worn these for years and I am used to them."

What I wanted to say... "Well, it ain't working."
 

You have a large nose?

Not right now, but wait until he lies.

Similar to that:

"You workout here?"

No I thought it was Gold's Gym so I stayed anyway.

 "Those guys over there don't have a clue what they are doing. You lift that heavy and you don't get the results I do."From a semi-flabby dude who was talking about two 'Ahnuld' looking dudes to his lifting partner. Out of earshot of the Ahnuld's of course.

I had finished my finished up at the gym last week and was getting my stuff together to leave and I noticed this guy come up about 3 lockers away with his swim bag.....obviously just finished a swim workout. Another guy walks by and asks the guy with the swim bag:

How much do you swim?

swim guy: Well, I am a little different. I do Ironman swims.(obviously trying to impress the guy)

I thought to myself.......I didn't know we swam any differently!!!

Old guy "i saw you squatting earlier, you shouldnt go down that far, youll destroy you're knees"

BITE ME!

The teenaged swim team girls:

"I hope my boobs get bigger"

"not me, I've come to terms with what I have"

"Have you seen that girl swim here with the big boobs"

"does she have to backstroke all the time"

It was all I could do not to laugh out loud....

Not something I heard but bizarre nonetheless. 

I once walked off the pool deck into the locker room only to see a guy doing pushups in the shower area - completely naked.  He then proceeded to get up and do some Rocky boxing moves while in front of the hairdryer (still naked).  He then just put on his suit and went off to work...

Did that bother you? Sorry. Won't happen again.

Nothing like that but we have a kid that is always lifting at the gym I goto. He wear's three gold chains, has his Ipod and flexes, and poses after every set. Then he starts dancing throwing his hands and dancing like he is rapping or something. I  always get a kick out of it.

Another thing I hate is when old, fat and hairy people have conversations for like 10 min completly naked. It makes no sense to me.    

I went to swim the other night and there was a high school swim meet just finishing up.  They ran a few minutes late so while I was waiting, I ran into the sauna to warm up.  My mom was meeting me for a swim, too.  When I was in the sauna, a woman came in and mumbled under her breath.  I didn't really hear what she said, but assumed she was talking to someone in the locker room.  My mom got there a few minutes later, popped her head in and asked if I wanted to go in the steam room with her until the pool opened up.  ( we were planning on swimming only and didn't have gym clothes....I promise we don't even usually go in the sauna/steam room, lol)  Anyways, as soon as she asked me, the one other person in the sauna spoke right up: 
"NO to other woman!"
Mom: "excuse me?"
Lady: "It's nothing personal, it's religious really, I say NO to other women"
My poor mom then tried explaining she was actually talking to me, her daughter, but the lady wouldn't hear anything she just kept saying "no to other women, no to other women, it's religious, no offense, but I've read deeply into the books, it's not personal, no to other women!"
Verrrry strange, but we definately had a good laugh after we quickly made out exit to the pool!  Now everytime we walk by the sauna, one of us firmly says "NO!"

Sorry ... it's just something we do... You'll understand in a few more years.