Question for those in relationships

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cadreamer

2005-08-17 12:28 AM

Elite

3020

Bay Area, CA

Subject: Question for those in relationships

I am SO SICK of being single I could just barf.

For those of you who have actually managed a relationship, how did you actually meet this person? Tell me your story.

Any tips, hints, tricks of getting an actual DATE would also be appreciated. I haven't even had a date in, ummm... let's just say I haven't had a date in a while.

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madkat

2005-08-17 12:51 AM

in reply to: #227005

Champion

6285

Beautiful Sonoma County

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

I met Eric at his house. His former roommate was a good friend of mine from a previous job. When he moved to Santa Rosa, he had a party to celebrate his new life (going back to school to get his teaching certificate) and invite me and my soon-to-be-ex as well as a zillion other people. My soon-to-be-ex and I were already on the slippery slope, and there was this really cute guy there. But... nothing came of it.

But Dave (the roommate/friend) and I set up a standing dinner/movie date for Friday nights (he's gay, so it was just a friend-thing). And sometimes Eric was there and sometimes he wasn't. And then, he was there more often than not. And when my relationship FINALLY ended, I asked him out...

+ + +

I have never dated in my life, other than going out in a group. Really. I just fall into relationships. But, I can say that I meet the most interesting people all the time. And I'm certain that many of these encounters could develop into something more, if I were in a position to date. I think the most important thing to do is BE OPEN to meeting someone everywhere. The person of your dreams could be standing in line with you at Safeway, or behind you at the bank.

I know you're a gregarious person, so I can't imagine you getting tongue-tied. Strike up conversations with everyone.

I also think it helps to have a mental list of what you're looking for, so you know it when you see it.

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the bear

2005-08-17 5:43 AM

in reply to: #227005

Resident Curmudgeon

25290

The Road Back

Gold member

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

Lower your standards. And, no, I am not available.

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phoenixazul

2005-08-17 6:37 AM

in reply to: #227005

Pro

4189

Pittsburgh, my heart is in Glasgow

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

Superfuzz and I met via local music message board. We did the whole IM/email thing for a few months, then he asked me out. He took me to take pictures at this neat cemetary and then we went to dinner and took a walk by the side of the river...I thought he was the bee's knees! Almost 4 years later we're still crazy about eachother... or just crazy...

RIGHT HONEY?!

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Comet

2005-08-17 7:35 AM

in reply to: #227042

Queen BTich

12411

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

the bear - 2005-08-17 6:43 AM Lower your standards. And, no, I am not available.

LMAO! Not even for me bear?!

What am I doing on this thread???? I can't give advice. *hangs head, clicks away*

Edited by TriComet 2005-08-17 7:36 AM

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Lucy

2005-08-17 7:41 AM

in reply to: #227005

Wife, Mother, Friend.

2457

South

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

He was my at-the-time-bf's karate teacher. BF and I were not working out really. Saw him at a Crawfish Festival, walked over and said Hi. . After the festival closed, we went to the Enlisted Mens Club, then that closed down, then we went to waffle house and talked all night into the morning, and the rest is history.

Never be afraid to make the first move, ladies. A few beers helps.

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Machiavelo

2005-08-17 7:55 AM

in reply to: #227005

Champion

4902

Ottawa, Ontario

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

I met my wife through the personal want ads ten years ago! Yes I know, it sounds deperate and pitiful but it worked for me and I am glad I did it. I just got so sick of doing the "bar scene" so I took the plunge. I checked out the ads put in by other guys who were mostly looking for women who were young, beautiful, had big breasts, yada yada, ad nauseum! I was not on the "market" for a trophy wife or a child-bride, so I put in a realistic description of myself and a realistic description of the kind of woman I was looking for in a relationship. My ad ran something like: "45 year male--who looks forty-five--6 feet tall, 200 lbs, blue eyes, brown hair, non-smoker, employed, seeking a woman of the same age group who enjoys good conversation, classical music, literature and fine dining.

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Rocket Man

2005-08-17 7:59 AM

in reply to: #227005

Pro

3883

Woodstock,GA

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

I met my wife at a wedding of all places. Her cousin was marrying one of my Army buddies, we were both in the wedding and have been together ever since (that was 7 years ago).

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max

2005-08-17 8:12 AM

in reply to: #227005

Champion

8903

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

We're traveling similar paths RM...my wife was in her sister's wedding, and the groom was one of my best friends. We met there...and 35 years later we're still at it. (Is it OK to say that?)

D.K.

2005-08-17 8:24 AM

in reply to: #227005

Pro

4612

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

My bf and I were in the same secondary school (grade 7-11, British system). He was a year ahead of me. We didn't know each other at that time, and he actually left school after grade 9 to England. I knew some of his friends though. Came to college here in the U.S. His friend went to same university. Met him a couple times through mutual friend, while dating ex-bf. At that time, he was not really a friend but more like an acquaintence. Broke up with ex-bf. Mutual friend invited me and current bf to a house-warming party. Found out we lived in the same town. There was no "asking out", just hung out more often. One Valentine's day, he gave me flowers and grabbed my hand.

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Denise2003

2005-08-17 8:30 AM

in reply to: #227096

Master

2136

A Prairie Home

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

Celeb_ithil - 2005-08-17 8:24 AM

One Valentine's day, he gave me flowers and grabbed my hand.

Aww.. that was sweet. Well, mine is a typical college relationship. BF lived down the hall from me at the dorm. Stuck with each other ever since.

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newbiedoo

2005-08-17 8:38 AM

in reply to: #227081

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

Machiavelo - 2005-08-17 7:55 AM

I met my wife through the personal want ads ten years ago! Yes I know, it sounds deperate and pitiful but it worked for me and I am glad I did it. I just got so sick of doing the "bar scene" so I took the plunge. I checked out the ads put in by other guys who were mostly looking for women who were young, beautiful, had big breasts, yada yada, ad nauseum! I was not on the "market" for a trophy wife or a child-bride, so I put in a realistic description of myself and a realistic description of the kind of woman I was looking for in a relationship. My ad ran something like: "45 year male--who looks forty-five--6 feet tall, 200 lbs, blue eyes, brown hair, non-smoker, employed, seeking a woman of the same age group who enjoys good conversation, classical music, literature and fine dining.

Very cool.

In the same vein cadreamer, have you tried eHarmony? I once filled out the profile thing out of curiosity. Now, I'm a freak, but still, I started getting a bunch of emails from local guys who seemed to fit me. Was very suprised. Didn't pursue it though - just too stingy to pay for the subscription. But hey, if you don't want to be barfing, it might be worth a try.

joeinco

2005-08-17 8:47 AM

in reply to: #227005

Expert

1836

Lafayette, CO

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

I went out to the local dance hall, saw a tall, cute blonde, and when a cha-cha came on, I went to ask her to dance. Lynn was blocking my way to the blonde, said "Hi!', and paused - still blocking my path. So, I took Lynn onto the dance floor, and we've been stuck with eac other for the last two years. And still dancing together!

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akabak

2005-08-17 8:55 AM

in reply to: #227005

Extreme Veteran

404

Chicago, Il

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

Online. Pen pal sort of thing while we both let our current relationships wind down. Then long distance for another 9 months. Then local but living separately for 2 years. Then bought a place and moved in together over a year ago.

I know so many great couples who have met online. The immediate kicker with my sweetie was that she knew the difference between compliment and complement and dug Nina Simone ...

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Gracia

2005-08-17 9:15 AM

in reply to: #227005

Champion

5183

Wisconsin

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

personal ad. I answered hers. we were both in a big city at the time (DC) and were working hard (she was in med school) and didn't dig the bar scene... I wasn't even reading the personals with any intention of "looking" I just think they are funny. Then I saw hers, liked what I saw, and emailed. She emailed back. We emailed for about 4 weeks, finally agreed to meet for coffee, I thought she was so interesting, intelligent, funny, was a great writer... When we met, I was SO disappointed bc I wasn't attracted to her at ALL. But she was smart and made me laugh. So we went out a few more times got to know each other better, and eventually one morning about a month later, I woke up and realized I was in love with her. (we hadn't even kissed yet!)She moved in 6 months later. We got married 2 yrs later. It's been 2+ years since then, and I am happy to report that she still makes me laugh, she still makes me think, and she is way attractive too...

I think personals and web dating are a great solution for people who know exactly what they want, and don't have a lot of time to screw around.

Dates are easy, I think, esp when you both know it's all part of the big plan. You have nothing to lose dating. And if YOU place the ad, you can say just what you want, decide who is worth your time, and take it from there. Place an ad, go on at least 10 dates, (you will deifnitely get that many repsonses) then report back!

Edited by possum 2005-08-17 9:16 AM

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newbiedoo

2005-08-17 9:22 AM

in reply to: #227121

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

akabak - 2005-08-17 8:55 AM

Nina Simone ...

..the ultimate litmus test.

line

2005-08-17 9:39 AM

in reply to: #227042

Extreme Veteran

360

Lafayette, CO

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

the bear - 2005-08-17 4:43 AM

Lower your standards.

I totally disagree. Keep them high. I was pretty sure I was going to live my life alone, but I refused to date guys who were not up to "par." This left me alone on most Friday nights. But then one summer I lost my job, moved back to my college town with no money, and started camping out on random couches. One person I stayed with happened to have had strep throat the night I was there. His roommate was kind enough to come and chat with me.

We were married a year and a half later, and every day I thank my lucky stars (because I'm an atheist) that I didn't lower my standards. I'm the luckiest woman alive. Moreal of the story: don't lower your standards.

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Gracia

2005-08-17 9:51 AM

in reply to: #227173

Champion

5183

Wisconsin

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

line - 2005-08-17 8:39 AM

the bear - 2005-08-17 4:43 AM

Lower your standards.

weeelllll. Lower your standards for 1st dates, anyway. You might find out that some "standards" are really just old habits. And you might discover new things that become a new kind of standard. I NEVER thought I'd end up with a doctor, my standard was a spouse who would have loads of leisure time to spend with me, I definitely didn't want a career monger... But now, I realize that a cool person can be totally gung ho about a career and still spend QT with me...

So I say, be open and flexible for first dates. Then be choosy for the 3rd or 4th!

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Chippy

2005-08-17 10:00 AM

in reply to: #227005

Master

2052

Colorado

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

I'm dating my boss. Well, my former boss. Anyone who can make excel spreadsheets sexy is someone worth hanging on to...

But seriously .. it was kind of nice to get to know someone without really the intention of dating them -- cut through a lot of the bullshit.

Needless to say, I did really well on my performance evaluation

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akabak

2005-08-17 10:11 AM

in reply to: #227005

Extreme Veteran

404

Chicago, Il

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

Also meant to say that I've met people other ways, too. Two were exes of friends (one was messy the other not), one lived with another friend of mine, and one sang in my chorus. Sometimes just getting out there and doing the things you love to do will lead you to other people who love the things you love!

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marmadaddy

2005-08-17 10:13 AM

in reply to: #227042

Champion

11641

Fairport, NY

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

the bear - 2005-08-17 6:43 AM And, no, I am not available.

Your advice was to lower her standards, not completely abandon them.

My wife and I worked for the same company down the hall from each other. We didn't interact, but the woman I shared my office with was bound and determined to get me fixed up with someone. My being single drove her nuts, and she thought this girl down the hall and I would be a good fit, so she harped on me until I asked her out. We were dating for about 2 weeks when my wife's then roommates predicted we'd be getting married within a few years.

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clflgrl

2005-08-17 10:14 AM

in reply to: #227005

Extreme Veteran

724

Delray Beach, FL

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

I was shopping for a bike. I went to the bike store that had the cheapest deal. They did not have my size and the computer system was down. I was on my way home but decided to stop by my LBS (the bike was $60 more there) just to look... I walked in the store and I saw him. I immediately connected with the guy. He was the store manager. He was so nice and helpful!
He offered to help me with the bike but wouldn't ask for my phone number...

Couple trips to the store to fit my bike and I ended up writing down my phone number on a card... I needed a training partner!

The rest is history.
It has been over 5 months, my bike skills improved tremendously and I have a significant other that shares this crazy tri stuff... My motto then? I have no time for a boyfriend!.
It will happen when least expected.
My .02 cents:
Do not hesitate to show you are interested on a guy, if you like him go for it.
They do not pick on subtle hints

Good Luck!

edited: Sorry for the previous posting I thout it was a guy

Thanks Possum!

Edited by clflgrl 2005-08-17 10:28 AM

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Rennick

2005-08-17 10:15 AM

in reply to: #227211

Expert

666

St. Thomas, ON

Subject: RE: Question for those in relationships

D and I knew of each other from church. We struck up a conversation one Sunday night, and the next day he called me at work, and asked me out. We started dating January 1994, got engaged October 1994, and married in April 1995. It's been over 10 years. Amazing!

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Gracia

2005-08-17 10:17 AM

in reply to: #227005

Champion

5183