Online dating 101

I met my boyfriend on BT. That's online.

And now we've been dating for almost 5 years! ACK!

Be yourself. That's the only advise I can give.

Thousands of people looking for happiness.
Millions in search of free pizza.
Dozens being successful at either.

I imagine on-line dating is like cereal box contests, "many will enter, few will win." 

Methinks looking where you already are is a better tactic. I met my wife at work.

Ignore or block the creeps, it's not rude. If you have pics posted, be careful they cant be traced back to you.  I had an IM pic posted and 2 guys back tracked to the race results, and tracked me through age and town that I live in and then found me on Facebook!

Be sure to talk to any potential date on the phone before meeting.  If he can' have a conversation on the phone, he can't have one face-to-face.  I have lots of stories about dating.....I'm writing a book!

Take it SLOWWW.  There are so many creeps out there.  And yes, there are female stockers.  I really like Abby's advise about the phone conversations.  Trust your instincts!  If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  For first dates, meet in a public place and be sure to let friends know where you are going and who you're meeting.  Safety first.

Best of luck to you!

I did some online dating...with some success.  IMHO you can't JUST look where you are...there may not be a good opportunity for meeting guys.  It's kind of easier with online dating - you both know you're looking to date...so there isn't that whole question about what they're looking for.  (Then again there are different levels of dating...)

As others have said - trust your instincts and play it safe.  I always met the person in a public place.  And no it is not rude to ignore people's messages if you don't like their message!

Good luck!!

(I also met my other on BT...but I moved across the country to be with them...that's not always possible :-D)

Yep, another tip, do not use the same email address on those sites and on facebook or something else. If they are the same, they can do a search for you on FB and your profile would pop up right away.

Thanks for your thoughts.  Meeting people is hard because I'm a single, stay at home mom.  The people I see during the day are mostly other SAHM's and I'm in all night because my kids are home.  Throw in the fact that I'm shy (initially) and I just haven't been meeting anyone.  My time out socially is with my tri club and sadly, all the men are married.  Every fit, ripped, fast one of them!  Ha ha.

My photos don't have anything traceable in them and my email account is a hotmail account that I only use for bargain sites/emails and spammy type stuff so that should be ok.  I've been ignoring all the requests to chat so far and haven't responded to any messages, although there are two that sound genuine (and about 50 that begin with "hey sexy" - ugh!).

Getting back in the game is quite an adjustment.  Are there any new rules since ... I don't know, 1991?  LOL.  I've heard about the 3 date rule and that one's not going to happen so I may be alone for quite a lot longer.  At least I have my sense of humour.  I can make myself laugh while I sit alone eating Cheerios in front of the tv.  

So you're saying it's a bad idea?

I met my husband online in 1997, we have been married almost 11 years. I was also a single Mom with 2 kids.

I found dating online very empowering for the most part. However, it is different now than it was in 97. Back then all a girl had to do was create a profile on aol and the IMs came flying! We did not meet through a site or chat room or anything like that.

The nice part is you can have all the power. I dated quite a few guys and none of them ever knew my phone number, where I lived or my last name. I was able to call the shots and set up dates whenever I wanted. When I had my boys for the weekend I did not date at all. This also helped keep things on the slow track because I wasn't available all the time. My sons didn't meet any of the guys I dated until I knew Ken and I were very serious - 9 months into our relationship. I met guys at public places and girlfriends always knew where I was going and would check in with me.

The other nice thing about dating online is if you meet a guy and say his picture was taken 10 years ago and he looks nothing like his photo you can just walk away, go home and delete and block.

However, you do have to be careful. You should create a separate e-mail account for this purpose if you have not already and don't use any reference to the name you use on here because that is searchable and any guy could find all kinds of stuff about you pretty fast. I would say though it is no more dangerous than meeting a guy in a bar and exchanging phone numbers.

Be smart, be careful and make sure you're in charge. Good luck!

I'm a master at profiles

It's a great avenue for people that don't really have access to more traditional means to meet someone.  I've done it here and there as I will not dip into the workplace pool, my friends don't seem to know any eligible people and my sister doesn't seem to have attractive friends.  Plus, "nice melons" never got me very far in the produce section.  Sure there's some creeps (women too!) but there's just as many creeps out in the real world.  Play it safe and have fun.

My husband and I met through Match.com when it was still rather new.  Each site has it's pluses and minuses.  I'd avoid places like Plenty of Fish (even though it's free) because it's like a meat market.  Literally, they smell fresh meat and they start to circle.  Then, something new comes along and poof! You're old hat.

People will and do lie regularly, so be aware of and prepared for that. My mother was always wary about me doing online dating because of that..But, people can lie just as easily to your face, so really, you have to be on guard in general.  It's just a little easier for them to lie about how they look in the online world.

I honestly think you'd be hard pressed to find someone you know who's done more online-source dating, and on more sites, than me. On and off from '02 through '09. I also worked as a consultant helping men create profiles and conduct themselves successfully in the online dating world, since it is unbelievably stacked against them.

I had the best luck with (believe it or not) hotornot.com and craigslist.

My mind's a bit mushy for lots of reasons (not just the usual ones, ha ha) right now but I will write later and also PM you with more info.

You do have to be careful and use common sense, but FWIW I never met a psycho or even had a bad date. Okay, there was the guy who was perfect then wound up kissing like a thirsty basset hound, but that's another story.

Sorry Abbie, I thought you wanted me to find you.  

On a lighter note, this thread reminded me of this old video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ets0xkUk17Y 

There are no rules - it's do what feels right/comfortable for you, because in the end you're the one that has to look yourself in the mirror (and your kids in the eye).

I have a friend getting married in the fall, she's been with her fella for 3 years, met online, and she too is/was a single mom - and she made him wait 10 months before they slept together!

Good luck. Have fun with it, like everyone else said just be yourself and be careful.  

I actually loved online dating. I thought it was a lot of fun. I met my husband through match.com.  Yeah, just ignore the people you don't feel good about.  I made it a standard rule to ignore everyone who did not fit the profile I listed in the "what are you looking for" section.  Mostly these were men outside of the age range that  I specified.  However, I also made my religious beliefs (or lack of) known and figured that would filter out many eligible men without me having to do anything. I made it known that I lived with pets and I like to drink alcohol.  Strangely enough, I ended up marrying a guy who is not much of an animal person and who doesn't drink (he tricked me by drinking beer the first few times we went out!).  I enjoyed chatting with the guys online and hardly met any of them in person.  I found it particularly easy to determine whether I liked them or not by chatting with them.  I met my husband for the first time at a 4th of July party hosted by one of my friends so we were on my turf, surrounded by my friends.  I felt totally safe.

Met my husband on Matchmaker.com which eventually merged with Match.com.  We have been married nine years now and still going strong.  I started online dating in my early thirties as all my friends were married with kids and the college days were over.

I agree with the others to make your profile specific and don't bother with the ones who don't/won't fill out the profile.  I always had to chuckle at some of the e-mails since they were either men in their late 50's/early 60's looking for a young one or the guys in their early twenties looking for a sugar momma.  Ignoring an e-mail is expected.

I also echo the advice to stay safe, but don't feel that on-line dating is any more dangerous than meeting a guy at the grocery store, bar or sporting event.  Use caution and make sure they know you have shared the info with others.

Best of luck.