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'Memorable' Childhood Punishments (Page 2)
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 2010-11-30 2:14 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Buttercup  14334    |  Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood PunishmentsI was beat with a leather belt, to the past the point where my bottom was purple. I was made to stand at attention for hours and answer the same questions again and again and again. I was slapped in the face. I am absolutely opposed to striking children anyone. I don't care what you call it. You don't elicit respect from anyone by violating their physical boundaries. All it taught me was that it was okay if someone violated my boundaries; it made me think I had no rights to boundaries. It taught me the lie that loving action is sometimes violent. It taught me not to trust. I unlearned these lessons when I was in my 20s and 30s, for the most part. I still struggle with blaming myself when someone who claims to love me treats me badly; my reaction is to make excuses for them. You only get what you give. Children, like adults, will respect those who respect them AND expect to be respected. Respected, not feared. I have great relationships with all of my nieces and nephews. They like to push boundaries; they know not to do so with me because I am all for accountability and being real with them. If we have a problem, we talk about it. Respectfully. I really like gearboy's video action. Edited by Renee 2010-11-30 2:19 PM |
| 2010-11-30 2:16 PM in reply to: #3230483 |
Expert 1830  | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments ray6foot7 - 2010-11-30 11:48 AM If we passed gas in front of our parents we had to sit on the toilet for an hour. I got the drawers and mattress in the middle of the floor. Ate a lot of soap. Also, got a unique version of the "stand in the corner" trick: kneel by wall, with nose less than 1/2 inch from wall, hands clasped behind head. We weren't allowed to touch the wall with our nose, or lean back so that our butt touched our heels. Typical session was 1/2 hour. My brother had to wear a skirt to school one day for hitting my sister.......fun times. |
| 2010-11-30 2:34 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
| Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments As younger children my sisters and I were spanked. I guess my mom used a shoe for spankings although I don't really remember actually being spanked with the shoe. I just remember hearing "I'm going to get the shoe!" Dad just used his hand and I would pee my pants almost every time. |
| 2010-11-30 2:41 PM in reply to: #3230849 |
Champion 10019 , Minnesota Bronze member | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments Either I blocked them out or was a pretty good kid. I only remember that if we were misbehaving in public we were threatened with leaving or "getting a talking to" in the bathroom or other place away. I think I was highly motivated simply by the guilt. And when you have siblings, the idea of cutting a fun trip short because you were naughty was highly frowned upon. A good teenage punishment: When I was in high school I stole my mom's car (I was 15 and could drive fairly well, but didn't have a license) and was caught when I had a fender bender. After a humiliating trip to juvi court, I was grounded for the most part. But the good punishment was that my mom kept all of my money in her room and kept track of the amount. I had to ask first and justify every expenditure before she would dole it out. Pretty good way to keep a teenager from doing most things they wanted to do. Of COURSE I got around it, but it hampered me pretty effectively. I did this for a year. The good part was I think I had about 1k in the can at the end of the year! I realize now that the only reason this worked is because of the mom guilt factor. It's not like the money was locked up... |
| 2010-11-30 2:41 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Elite 3201 South Florida | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments I think I only got spanked once or twice. My parents were more of the, "I'm disappointed in you" types. I do remember one that was memorable, at least for my mom. I was home sick with a cold or flu. My mom wanted me to eat hot soup, but I hate soup. I refused. She got frustrated. She demanded I eat some soup (it was just plain broth!) or else she was going to pour more in the bowl and make me eat it all. Finally she poured hot broth on top of the bowl of cold broth. I took one spoonful and promptly puked it back up onto the kitchen table! She felt terrible and I never had to eat soup again.  My older brother once got in trouble for having a huge party while the rest of our family was on vacation. The house was pretty beat up, a few broken things, sticky floors. At one point I was in the car with both of my parents while they talked about what they were going to do about it. I was about 15 so they thought they would include me to make me feel included I guess - they asked me what I thought they should do to him. I immediately said, "Oh, I think you should just lecture him and tell him how disappointed you are..." I was thinking ahead and I figured that way if I ever got in big trouble I could say, "but remember when you barely punished Bobby??" |
| 2010-11-30 2:53 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
| Iron Donkey 38643 , Wisconsin | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments I'm wondering why the parents chose to say "I'm disappointed in "YOU"" and not "I'm disappointed with "YOUR ACTIONS""? |
| 2010-11-30 2:53 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Champion 11989 Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments ADollar79 - 2010-11-30 10:59 AM What creative childhood punishments do you remember? And were they effective at all? You want creative or memorable? My parents were not creative, but "10 on the bare" was memorable. 10 smacks with the back of a hair brush on the bare butt. Also memorable was getting whacked on the elbow with the back edge of a sterling silver dinner knife because my elbows were on the table, as was getting jabbed in the back of the hand with a fork when I reached for a piece of chicken without asking. Define effective? Did I fear my father and try to avoid doing things that would anger him? Yes, until I became old enough to fight back. The memorable part there was standing over my father as he lay on his bedroom floor and I was daring him to get back up. Memories. No wonder this song gets me every time: Memory All alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again |
| 2010-11-30 2:53 PM in reply to: #3230903 |
Pro 4827 McKinney, TX | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments BikerGrrrl - 2010-11-30 2:41 PM we were threatened This is the biggest thing for me. My wife will sometimes threaten but not follow thru. My kids know for a fact that if I tell them "you do X, I do Y", then I will do "Y". They are now 8, 9, & 10. I have reduced the number of warnings from 3 to 1. After that, "Y". The last time Y happened - we had gone out to eat in my 4Runner. I'm driving, the wife in passenger seat and 3 kiddos in the back seat. We normally drive the mini-van (each kid has more space). On the way back, they were getting out of control poking & pushing in a mean way which was leading to screaming. X=you scream, Y=you and I will walk home. X happened, I immediately pulled over and that child and I walked the rest of the way home. (~1 mile, it was one of my running routes). My wife said later, she almost stopped the car 50 ft later to let someone else out. |
| 2010-11-30 3:00 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Pro 4292 Evanston, | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments Most of it I wouldn't share or condone. But along the lines of the "disappointed in you" line, I remember one time getting in a fight with my mentally disabled older sister (forget about the sweet misunderstood disabled kid on an "Afterschool Special," my sister had a vicious temper and we fought a LOT.) I called her something that rhymes with witch. My mom was home and reprimanded me. "But mom, SHE swears all the time!" (She did. Sometimes the only words you could understand in my sister's tirades were F--- and S---.) My mother replied very icily and precisely: "We expect more from you." I was 10. Never cursed in front of either of my parents again. |
| 2010-11-30 3:02 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Expert 1146 Johns Creek, Georgia | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments Man, some good ideas. PECTOR 55, damn man, I got in trouble in the military also, story for another thread! I have 3 kids that constantly bicker. When the do something really bad though I do spank, and it kills me. I don't see it as useful but time outs don't work. 1 Boy 7, 2 Girls 6/4. I am lost on punishment and what to do, like if they are hitting each other, you can't spank and then say don't hit your sister! Most memorable, me and my cousin at about age 9 got a cig from Grandpa and lit it, had a couple draws, Grandma saw us, came out and asked us if we were smoking, let me smell your breath, um, bad, bad, bad, she got a tobacco stick and whipped me and my cousin Mickey! Neither of us smoked. I will have a cigar every now and again, but never and cigs!! |
| 2010-11-30 3:05 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
| Alpharetta, Georgia Bronze member | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments Wow I am thankful I don't have kiddos. I remember very few spankings as a child, but the extent of my elementary/middle school punishments was to write sentences and do pushups/situps. In high school my curfew got significantly earlier. |
| 2010-11-30 3:18 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Pro 4089 Without house | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments My brother got more punishment than I did, either because I'm more mild mannered, or because I wasn't stupid enough to repeat his mistakes. The most memorable was when my step-father removed everything from my brother's room save his bed and dresser when my brother decided to wall-paper the walls with The Weekly World News and a stapler. Step-dad even took the door. |
| 2010-11-30 3:21 PM in reply to: #3230948 |
Champion 5615 | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments I got the occasional belt from my dad or the wooden spoon from my mom. The wooden spoon became effective to the point that just opening the drawer was often enough to make me stop. The one punishment that was the worst was "putting your nose on the door." When I did something especially bad (like the time I tried to steal my dad's Playboy and take it to a friend's sleepover), I would have to stand facing a door and put my nose against it for a specified amount of time. The magazine incident actually garnered an "until I say you're done" duration. It was incredibly boring. I couldn't sleep because I wasn't allowed to rest my forehead on the door. I couldn't see anything because I had to stay facing the door. I could hear what was going on around me but not interact in any way. Just plain boring. Edited by CubeFarmGopher 2010-11-30 3:22 PM |
| 2010-11-30 3:27 PM in reply to: #3230969 |
Champion 18680 Lost in the Luminiferous Aether | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments CubeFarmGopher - 2010-11-30 4:21 PM I got the occasional belt from my dad or the wooden spoon from my mom. The wooden spoon became effective to the point that just opening the drawer was often enough to make me stop. The one punishment that was the worst was "putting your nose on the door." When I did something especially bad (like the time I tried to steal my dad's Playboy and take it to a friend's sleepover), I would have to stand facing a door and put my nose against it for a specified amount of time. The magazine incident actually garnered an "until I say you're done" duration. It was incredibly boring. I couldn't sleep because I wasn't allowed to rest my forehead on the door. I couldn't see anything because I had to stay facing the door. I could hear what was going on around me but not interact in any way. Just plain boring. My mother had a cookie spatula with a wooden handle and a long oval metal blade. I swear she could get you from across the kitchen and make that spatual blade whip. She never needed more than one swat and you were done. |
| 2010-11-30 3:42 PM in reply to: #3230944 |
| Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments hrliles - 2010-11-30 3:02 PM Man, some good ideas. PECTOR 55, damn man, I got in trouble in the military also, story for another thread! I have 3 kids that constantly bicker. When the do something really bad though I do spank, and it kills me. I don't see it as useful but time outs don't work. 1 Boy 7, 2 Girls 6/4. I am lost on punishment and what to do, like if they are hitting each other, you can't spank and then say don't hit your sister! Most memorable, me and my cousin at about age 9 got a cig from Grandpa and lit it, had a couple draws, Grandma saw us, came out and asked us if we were smoking, let me smell your breath, um, bad, bad, bad, she got a tobacco stick and whipped me and my cousin Mickey! Neither of us smoked. I will have a cigar every now and again, but never and cigs!! Sometimes it helps me to stop and think about the outcome I want. So, your children are bickering, what would you like them to do? Probably be nice, respect each other, get along maybe? Now, spanking is not going to bring you closer to any of these outcomes right? Brainstorm what will. Have a "meeting" with your kids, tell them your problem, ask them to help come up with solutions. Or here is a cheesy idea off the top of my head: How about sitting in a circle and make them "practice" speaking to one another with respect. Nobody gets up until everyone has heard compliments from every family member (you start). Write them down and keep them posted in your house. Maybe each child could post their list on their bedroom door? Promote this behavior, every time you hear them getting along write it down. When your list is full, or the behavior is measurably better take a special family trip, or do something together to promote how special your family is. Now, chances are you will not have full cooperation with this at first so have a plan ready. When your child has a legitimate concern with a sibling keep a notebook available where they can write that down too. When you have time in the day, read the concerns have another meeting, talk about it. They will either be so sick of talking about everything they will want to get along, or they might actually feel like they have an outlet for expressing themselves or a place to be heard. Like I said, just a cheesy idea |
| 2010-11-30 4:09 PM in reply to: #3231014 |
Pro 4277 Parker, CO | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments trigal38 - 2010-11-30 2:42 PM hrliles - 2010-11-30 3:02 PM Man, some good ideas. PECTOR 55, damn man, I got in trouble in the military also, story for another thread! I have 3 kids that constantly bicker. When the do something really bad though I do spank, and it kills me. I don't see it as useful but time outs don't work. 1 Boy 7, 2 Girls 6/4. I am lost on punishment and what to do, like if they are hitting each other, you can't spank and then say don't hit your sister! Most memorable, me and my cousin at about age 9 got a cig from Grandpa and lit it, had a couple draws, Grandma saw us, came out and asked us if we were smoking, let me smell your breath, um, bad, bad, bad, she got a tobacco stick and whipped me and my cousin Mickey! Neither of us smoked. I will have a cigar every now and again, but never and cigs!! Sometimes it helps me to stop and think about the outcome I want. So, your children are bickering, what would you like them to do? Probably be nice, respect each other, get along maybe? Now, spanking is not going to bring you closer to any of these outcomes right? Brainstorm what will. Have a "meeting" with your kids, tell them your problem, ask them to help come up with solutions. Or here is a cheesy idea off the top of my head: How about sitting in a circle and make them "practice" speaking to one another with respect. Nobody gets up until everyone has heard compliments from every family member (you start). Write them down and keep them posted in your house. Maybe each child could post their list on their bedroom door? Promote this behavior, every time you hear them getting along write it down. When your list is full, or the behavior is measurably better take a special family trip, or do something together to promote how special your family is. Now, chances are you will not have full cooperation with this at first so have a plan ready. When your child has a legitimate concern with a sibling keep a notebook available where they can write that down too. When you have time in the day, read the concerns have another meeting, talk about it. They will either be so sick of talking about everything they will want to get along, or they might actually feel like they have an outlet for expressing themselves or a place to be heard. Like I said, just a cheesy idea I don't think this is a cheesy idea. In fact, my wife thinks in the same line as you do. I do as well but tend to be more reactive when the heat is up. Anyway, that type of discipline takes time and patience. How many working parents can take time from their busy day for this kind of discipline? We don't spank out kids and we try to treat them with the same respect that we want from them. But sometimes kids push things; how many times to I need to ask my 11-year old to pick up her mess in the family room? How many times do i need to ask my 8-year old to take a bath? Homework? Picking on each other? Kids will be lids! Reading all of these replies about the spankings they received as a kid. Well, I think parents just didn't have patience to negotiate with their children. It can be exhausting! Especially for families where both parents work. I'm lucky as my wife only works PT and sometimes not at all. But still, can be a challenge. I'm not knocking your idea. Infact, we use similar strategies...but it takes time and patience. |
| 2010-11-30 4:35 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
| Master 5557 , California | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments --Stacking and restacking the woodpile from one end of the patio to the other I was the recipient of this punishment. Except we just had a cord of wood dropped in the driveway and my dad wanted it stacked neatly up the hill in the backyard. Resigned to a long day, I headed up to the shed and grabbed the wheelbarrow. Couldn't stack too many because it was steep to get up there, but anyhow I got started. My dad storms out of the house and says "HEY! You're being punished, remember?". I look at him confused. He continues: "your tool privileges are gone - go put that away and get back to work". Arg. |
| 2010-11-30 4:47 PM in reply to: #3230927 |
Pro 6767 the Alabama part of Pennsylvania | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments 1stTimeTri - 2010-11-30 3:53 PM I'm wondering why the parents chose to say "I'm disappointed in "YOU"" and not "I'm disappointed with "YOUR ACTIONS""? Impact. And truth. It is too easy to distance yourself from your actions, and if I say I am disappointed in your actions, you can maintain the fiction that YOU didn't do anything wrong - it was somehow the circumstances. And as a kid, you can then say to yourself that "I got punished for that behavior, so now we are even". Saying I am disappointed in you is sort of like saying "I don't love you as much right now" - which usually is even more meaningful than the actual punishment. |
| 2010-11-30 5:13 PM in reply to: #3231121 |
Pro 4089 Without house | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments gearboy - 2010-11-30 4:47 PM 1stTimeTri - 2010-11-30 3:53 PM I'm wondering why the parents chose to say "I'm disappointed in "YOU"" and not "I'm disappointed with "YOUR ACTIONS""? Impact. And truth. It is too easy to distance yourself from your actions, and if I say I am disappointed in your actions, you can maintain the fiction that YOU didn't do anything wrong - it was somehow the circumstances. And as a kid, you can then say to yourself that "I got punished for that behavior, so now we are even". Saying I am disappointed in you is sort of like saying "I don't love you as much right now" - which usually is even more meaningful than the actual punishment. I would get "I love you, but I don't like you right now" from my mother. Of course, despite the fact that I was rarely punished, it did feel most of the time like I was never quite good enough. |
| 2010-11-30 5:18 PM in reply to: #3231151 |
Pro 6767 the Alabama part of Pennsylvania | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments maggyruth - 2010-11-30 6:13 PM gearboy - 2010-11-30 4:47 PM 1stTimeTri - 2010-11-30 3:53 PM I'm wondering why the parents chose to say "I'm disappointed in "YOU"" and not "I'm disappointed with "YOUR ACTIONS""? Impact. And truth. It is too easy to distance yourself from your actions, and if I say I am disappointed in your actions, you can maintain the fiction that YOU didn't do anything wrong - it was somehow the circumstances. And as a kid, you can then say to yourself that "I got punished for that behavior, so now we are even". Saying I am disappointed in you is sort of like saying "I don't love you as much right now" - which usually is even more meaningful than the actual punishment. I would get "I love you, but I don't like you right now" from my mother. Of course, despite the fact that I was rarely punished, it did feel most of the time like I was never quite good enough. This is the critical part. Most of the time, I tell my kids, mostly through actions, but sometimes words, how awesome I think they are. I genuinely like doing things with them. One of the best parts of last week was having them both home, and playing games after dinner together. |
| 2010-11-30 6:49 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
| On your right | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments The only memorable thing that I can remember came from my grandmother. I was ~5 at the time. One morning I was at their house before school, and I informed them, when told it was time for school that I wasn't "going to school today, G-D it!" Apparently those words are the trigger to my grandmother to grab you by the hair, pull you out of the dining room chair, drag you through the house, down the hall, and into her room, where you get spanked, then sent to school. |
| 2010-11-30 7:00 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Royal(PITA) 14270 West Chester, Ohio | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments My father made us eat really hot red chilli peppers if we talked during church. I gave my kids a finger tip taste of vinegar for lying. Didn't help. |
| 2010-11-30 7:32 PM in reply to: #3231014 |
Buttercup 14334 | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments trigal38 - 2010-11-30 4:42 PM Sometimes it helps me to stop and think about the outcome I want. So, your children are bickering, what would you like them to do? Probably be nice, respect each other, get along maybe? Now, spanking is not going to bring you closer to any of these outcomes right? Brainstorm what will. Have a "meeting" with your kids, tell them your problem, ask them to help come up with solutions. Or here is a cheesy idea off the top of my head: How about sitting in a circle and make them "practice" speaking to one another with respect. Nobody gets up until everyone has heard compliments from every family member (you start). Write them down and keep them posted in your house. Maybe each child could post their list on their bedroom door? Promote this behavior, every time you hear them getting along write it down. When your list is full, or the behavior is measurably better take a special family trip, or do something together to promote how special your family is. Now, chances are you will not have full cooperation with this at first so have a plan ready. When your child has a legitimate concern with a sibling keep a notebook available where they can write that down too. When you have time in the day, read the concerns have another meeting, talk about it. They will either be so sick of talking about everything they will want to get along, or they might actually feel like they have an outlet for expressing themselves or a place to be heard. Like I said, just a cheesy idea It would be helpful to your children if they learned how to express their negative feelings, as well. That's the source of the problem, after all. Help them learn to express their negative feelings towards each other in a respectful manner. It's okay for them to be angry with each other (happens with adults all the time). It's when this anger is expressed in a destructive manner that problems arise. Teach them that 1) it's okay to be angry, 2) it's okay to express that anger and 3) expressing anger in a respectful way is the best way to maintain a good relationship with their siblings and parents (everyone, actually). They are entitled to their feelings. And, they shouldn't have to fabricate good sentiments when they don't feel them; that's teaching them to be dishonest about their emotions. Often when we express our anger, it soon dissipates. I've told my nephews that they are allowed to tell me they are angry with me. I just require that they express it in a respectful manner, the same that they can expect from me. Learning that you have a voice and how to use it in a non-destructive manner is what makes us adults. |
| 2010-11-30 7:43 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
| Master 2009 Charlotte, NC | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments I completely agree Renee. When my kids spit at me or hit me when they are angry, they get a time out and then we talk about how they can tell me they are angry/frustrated/sad/etc. with words but not hit/spit/etc. It is slow going but I do feel we are making progress. |
| 2010-11-30 7:45 PM in reply to: #3230259 |
Pro 4292 Evanston, | Subject: RE: 'Memorable' Childhood Punishments To be quite honest this thread mostly makes me sad. But rayd made an interesting point - the things that really help children grow emotionally and make better decisions take time and effort. Adults are already SO busy trying to support these rugrats and deal with adult responsibilities; it's easier to do what stops the behavior NOW instead of finding ten times the time and one hundred times the patience to handle it in a more measured way. But of course, the shorter the shortcut, well, the greater the consequences. The "punishments" I most remember (and least care to remember) are the ones where my Dad just lashed out in rage, in the moment. It taught me to fear and resent him. I flinched if he moved suddenly near me. I remember thinking very clearly that he could only do those things only because he was bigger than he was. I reasoned that I would have to stick it out until age 18 in order for them to pay for college, and was doing a mental countdown from the age of 12 onward. To my surprise, he was looking forward to my departure as much as I was: the day I left to move into my college dorm he SANG, "tra-la-la, the day has come, the day has come!" We have a good relationship now, but that came much later. These memories are still painful. |
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