What can I do to help/encourage my husband to quit smoking? (Page 2)

Hopefully that will be a motivator! I weigh things in my mind, like for XXXX dollars, I could either do Option A or Option B. Hopefully with that information he will think of other ways to spend that kind of cash.

But as for the drainage issues, unfortunately the damage is probably already done. My Dad grew up in a smoking household (but never even smoked himself) and has lifelong issues because of it, including drainage, hacking, very susceptible to bronchitis, etc.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 12. I've quit a # of times over the years for multiple years at a time and went back. I think the last time I bought cigarettes was in 2003.

What worked for me was,A. having a desire to quit and B. a woman I love who wanted me to. Instead of making "quitting" that the task at hand, I would try to cut back by going a little longer each time without a cigarette. It's a lot easier to put something off than to actually quit, if that makes any sense. I think it's both physiological and psychologically a little easier to get to the end goal this way.

Good luck to you and your hubby!!

My father smoked 2 packs a day for 40+ years.  He tried lots of things including hypnosis.  He was single and met a great woman.  When they got serious about their future together, she told him that "it's me or the cigarettes".  That was 12 years ago.  Today I have my dad and a great step mom!

I don't see anything wrong with insisting that my mate take their destructive habits elsewhere.   My suggestion is just as much about the health effects of second hand smoke as it is annoyance of dealing with the bad smells.

Also, I am glad to see that it possible to quit because one's mate desires it.   Thanks to everyone who called me flat out wrong - I really appreciate it.   I really do think that if I asked my husband to do something for me, he'd do it.

PheonixAzul: that does really suck.   If I were your husband, it would be hard for me not to say "Okay, fine, never talk to me again" and just walk away.   And I am not quick to walk away from people, they need to have totally disappointed/disrespected me.    In this case, how is it NOT your FIL's fault that your MIL has cancer?  I would blame him.  Doesn't second hand smoke still cause cancer?  Sure she could have caused it herself, but living with your FIL is very bad for her health.  For her sake, I think she should consider moving out permanently. 

I don't get that, to be honest.

She ask if there is anything to help/encourage him to quit and you say NOTHING?

Granted, you can't MAKE them stop.  And they have to make that decision to stop on their own.  But you can't tell me there is NOTHING you can do to help.  Even if it's telling them how proud you are of them for trying, taking their mind off of it when they are craving, or expressing to them you are concerned and want them around?  All of those sound like something that can help and encourage to me.

You suggest just turn a blind eye and not say a word and let them figure it out for themselves?

To the OP:

I think lots of communication and support is very helpfull.  Even when they fall off the horse (which will happen), help them get back up.  Don't nag, or complain (much!) but be helpfull and supportive as much as you can.

Over the years I have watched several family members and friends beg/encourage others to quit smoking.  I know of only one that actually quit and that wasn't until he lost half of his tongue to cancer.  The others enjoy smoking and do not have the desire to quit.  Two of those family members passed away due to complications from smoking.  Go outside of any hospital and you will see people smoking while on oxygen, these people do not want to quit.

Other than a major health scare such as my family member that lost half of his tongue most people cannot be talked into quitting smoking, they have to want to do it on their own.

I've been around BT long enough to know what pizza is, but I'd love to know what you're calling flowers.

As for quitting, the CDC put out a series of pretty graphic videos a couple months back showing the effects of smoking on the body.  People with amputated limbs, cancer kazoos, etc.  One little boy with severe asthma because he lived in a house with smokers.  They reported that as soon as they released the videos, calls to their cessation hotline number doubled.  Getting him to watch them might help him find some motivation to quit.  http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/resources/videos/

If he does decide to try to quit, the nicotine addiction isn't nearly as bad as the breaking the habits (at least it wasn't for me).  Nicotine cravings are wicked strong for a week or two, but they eventually start to fade.  What I struggled with more was all the moments in my life where lighting a cigarette was just ingrained in to my routine.  Drinking and socializing are obvious ones and can be avoided to help with quitting.  But, for example, I lit a cigarette every day for 10 years the moment I stepped out of the office.  After I quit, I would instinctively reach for a cigarette every single day when I left work.  Then when they weren't there, I would crave that cigarette.  I'd say it took a good year before the leaving work cigarette cravings were 100% gone.  Also, figure out a way to keep his hands and mouth busy.  I chewed gum and ate sunflower seeds religiously for years, and I still spend the day taking my wedding ring off and playing with it (not the best solution, but it's the one thing I always have with me).

Gotcha.  Don't say anything and pretend it's not happening.  Let them decide themselves.

It's oral sex.  Apparently we have to discuss these things like 12 year olds on BT

KSH mentioned she married her ex-husband as a smoker...goose1126, was your husband a smoker when you got married?  If so, as unfortunate as the smoking is, you knew what you were getting in to.  For all of ya'll's sake, I hope he finds it within himself to do the right thing for himself and his family.  

I agree with DanielG's advice...there's really nothing you can do.  pga mike's advice is good, but then again, what doesn't get better with pizza and flowers?  

...and to the folks recommending he visit a hospice to see the end-stage lung cancer patients, the emphysemas, the COPDs, etc., I don't think that's going to work...at least it hasn't with the nurses and doctors I know who still smoke.  Also, being the nag won't work.  Tough issue to deal with...best of luck to you both.

I didn't see that anyone posted the national Quitline number (1-800-QUIT-NOW) or the website (www.smokefree.gov).  Both can be very helpful.

I've heard lots of success stories with Chantix but there are definitely side effects.

People who make their homes smoke free areas are more likely to quit later, so encouraging that step could be helpful, but I agree with everyone who said you can't force it.  It does, however, take a lot of practice- the average number of quit attempts before people quit for good is around 7-8.  

I smoked a pack a day for 4 years in highschool, and stopped when I started dating a runner!  It's all about the motivation.

I don't have experience with this as I have never smoked cigs (pipe and cigar for special occasions). But I now have two in-laws that are smoking.

My advice would be to determine why he smokes. After 30 years it could just be a habit thing, but I have to wonder if there isn't some psychological reason why he smokes. 

I myself can't imagine knowing how much it was costing monetarily and physically and still continuing the habit. For my in-laws, they smoke because it is their way of relaxing and not caring about the chaos around them. They don't seem to realize that they create the chaos, but once the chaos is there they feel the need to escape it by smoking. 

Obviously would be different for everyone, but might be something to think about.

I agree with the others that say don't nag though. The quickest way to make a man not do what you want is to nag him, it is emasculating, disrespectful and makes us run the other way pretty quick. Even if he did quit after nagging, it wouldn't be his accomplishment so much as it would be him doing what you told him to do. I imagine him accomplishing quitting on his own and you being proud of him would be a much better reward than him doing what he is told and not getting nagged anymore.