Kids calling teachers by their first names (Page 2)

I am with jmk-brooklyn on this.  Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss... just my 2 cents on the topic.  

Just like I give everyone nicknames here, and like I do in real life ... I was a terrible brat and not only didn't call teachers by their first names, they got nicknames too!

I have no idea why they put up with it. I suppose I gave nice nicknames and treated them very respectfully and gratefully. I am still in touch with many of my teachers, going all the way back to the first grade! (That was 30 years ago).

I don't have kids. (Methinks? The '90s were kind of blurry). But if I did, they'd be calling people by the appropriate honorific UNLESS specifically directed otherwise (which seems to be the case here). My friends' kids call me by my first name or whatever pleasant nickname they may come up with.

Just make sure not to call her ma'am.

I find it interesting that some would choose not to respect the teacher's decision in order to teach their own children respect. Perhaps it is just because I am one of those unruly whippersnappers, but I think there are far more important things than a title when teaching someone to show respect.

Edit: Didnt see antlimon's post before I posted.

I taught preschool for a lot of years and the different schools set the standard, some it was Mrs. Jackson others Miss Dina. Made no difference to me. The preschoolers always started out  calling me Teacher for the first few weeks so any time they actually used my name I was elated!

My husband is the superintendent of the local school and we live in a neighborhood with lots of children who go to the school and are friends with our children. It's a little confusing. They already know him as Cary but when they are at school it's Mr. Jackson I guess. One of the teachers in the building is a long time friend of ours. When my son started kindergarten he would see her in the hallway and shout "Hey Jody!" The principal got after him for that one.

Interesting, I never really thought about it much but maybe times have changed on this because I really don't want the neighborhood kids calling me Mrs. Jackson, but I still call my friends parents Mr. or Mrs and I'm 40!

Part of how one treats someone with respect is to refer to them by their title. If you don't think it matters, ask yourself "if my kid called me 'f*-face', but did so in a 'respectful' fashion [e.g. "pick up your shoes please" - "OK, f*-face" as they proceeded to then pick up and put away said shoes], would I think it is OK?"

If what you are called truly does not matter, then being called d-bag, f-face, etc, would be OK. I seriously doubt anyone honestly conducting that thought experiment would be OK with those names - even if all the actions were respectful and the kid did as authorities told him/her to do. Words matter, and so does what we call people.

On the other hand, snapping off a "Yes sir" can be equally disrespectful, depending on how it is said. While the rather extreme examples you gave are obviously disrespectful, calling someone by their first name isn't necessarily so.

^I like what bullyboy wrote.  The use of Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss is a good delineation to maintain.  Even when I was a student in school, I found it a little creepy when teachers had students refer to them by first name.

Then again, names may be a regional thing.  The part of upstate NY I am from, we all used formal Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. in front of the last name (except for one or two new age hippy types!)  Down here in Delaware, we noticed a lot of "Miss Diane," or "Ms. Jen's" which blend formal and familiar. 

It's really not a huge deal, but I do think formal titles are a net positive. 

I would find it awkward to call a teacher by their first name.  But if that's what they want to be called, so be it.

For me...

Any teachers were Mr., Mrs., Miss., or Dr. (insert last name).  If any teachers were sports coaches, they again would be called the same.

If I had a sports coach that was not a teacher, it would be Coach (insert first name).

Parents of my friends or friends/coworkers of my parents were addressed as Uncle or Aunty (insert first name).  It's a cultural thing here in Hawaii. 

If I make a friend or aquaintance who is simply older than me (even if they are old enough to be my dad or grandfather), I just call them by their first name.

haha...f*-face.  while that made me laugh, you took this to an EXTREME.  we're talking about the difference in calling a teacher Mr. Doe vs. John, not calling them f*-face or some other vulgar word.  i think we'd have a hard time finding someone on this planet that wouldn't call that disrespectful.

sure, PART of showing respect is INITIALLY calling them Mr or Mrs, but it's such a small part of showing respect that it hardly justifies calling up the teacher to tell them that you refuse to let your kid call them WHAT THEY ASKED to be called.  and you're right, words do matter.  the words themselves, but much more importantly how they use them (my wife can vouch for me on that ). 

we've got far more to teach kids about respect these days than to worry about calling the teacher Mr or Mrs. 

addressing someone by Mr or Mrs doesn't imply respect. (I couldn't disagree more - now whether the person deserves the respect is another issue true dat- there are incompetent doctors, judges, police, etc. in the world.) remember though, we're talking about a teacher that directly asked not to be called Mr/Mrs.  to me, not following their request is disrespectful.  i agree, it's in good nature and polite to start off calling your teacher Mr/Mrs. Respect is shown by how the kid treats the teacher and how they behave and respond to authority. (That first impression of showing respect is when you address the judge as your honor.)  and if the judge asked to be called by his first name, would you still call him your honor...knowing he was about to rule on you being innocent or guilty?

times are changing people, keep up.

We have a new Fire Chief who takes a very coach like approach to his leadership.  This is a piece of a conversation we had....

Me-"Hey Chief."

Chief-"You can call me Bradd."

Me-"OK Chief."

School isn't just academics, but also learning how our society works and is structured.  Titles do not grant immediate personal respect, but they imply respect for authority.  It's the seemingly simplest thing, but it teaches kids that we have a structure in our society.  It also teaches respect and civility.  Teachers should be Mr/Mrs/Sister so-and-so.  Don't like them?  Think they're a pain in the neck?  That's ok, but you'll still be respectful and do your job.  Work hard, go to college, become a principle, send old what's their name to the Bronx.

My wife is a teacher and she would never ever let her students call her anything else than Mrs. (hard polish last name). It is funny listening to them screw it up. But she wont even go by how my Army friends refer to me as.. Ski. 

I still get busted by my management for calling them Mr. and Mrs. when everybody is addressed by first name.

In the Army its was always rank, last name. That was it. I think there was a few of my higher ups that would tell me to call them by their first name when we were out away from all the military formality. It was extremely weird and always found myself calling them by rank.

But growing up it was sir and ma'am even to my parents. My mum is old school English and so that is how I grew up and that is how I plan on my children growing up.

I totally agree! 

Growing up, we only had 2 family friends that we could use their first names. That's it. But it wasn't just their first name, it was "Ms. Cheryl" and "Ms. Cindy". They were the closest friends to our family. Even our aunts and uncles were "aunt so and so".

I brought my dog to the vet. The Vet is probably younger than me. She introduced herself as "Dr. Sarah", but I wanted her last name! Unless I'm friends with you, I want to call you Dr. Last Name.  

I think my Drill Sargeant from Basic Training while in the Army would've blown a gasket if i would've called him Curtis!

That is the part that's key for me - Personally, i take a lot of effort to ask people what they prefer to go by and attempt to honour that.  I take note of how people introduce themselves so i can address them the way they were presented to me.  I am Jennifer and tons of people when I was younger would call me Jenny - even though i never told them that was a they could address me and many continued to do so even after being told not do so by (painfully shy) me.   To me that is much more disrepectful. 

This is an interesting discussion and I definitely think there is a regional and/or generational part to it.   It is an impulse because my mom was very concerned with us being polite to address people with the honourifics but they just aren't used and I find that especially those in the 'Baby Boom' really don't like to be called Mr/Mrs. It's confusing. 

Even in my professional relationships honourifics are not used.  I would rather not call our CEO 'Bob' but that is what he goes by - it would be odd if I started calling him Mr. Stark because that is not our workplace culture at all. 

I can reasonably guess that the informality is designed to get kids to like their teachers and, as a consequence, be motivated to study harder and learn more.  Friendship over fear.  I doubt it works.

TW

I don't get the big deal, honestly. My sister and I call my parents by their first names. It wasn't something that was planned or directed by them, we just heard them calling each other Marthe and Peter, so we just assumed that's what we should call them (they never did the "Go ask Mom," thing...).

I can't tell you how many times other people have told me that's disrespectful. It's simply not. That's their name. There's nothing inappropriate or disrespectful when I call my mother by her name. I didn't even know it was weird until I interacted with other kids. I remember asking my dad about it once, if he felt like it was bad that I didn't call him Dad, and if it made him feel less special. He told me, "Everyone has a Mom and a Dad. Only you have a Marthe and a Peter."

That said, my grade school teacher, Mrs. H., separated from her husband after I graduated high school. I still can't bring myself to call her Mary, even though calling her Mrs. H. would be flat-out wrong at this point. Hah.

Anyway. If someone told me to call them by their first name (or a very specific name), I think I'd just go ahead and do it. I don't think I'd throw up that big a stink about it.

I'm going to have my kids address EVERYONE with "Dumbazz" in front of their name. I don't care if the person says not to, that's what they're going to do.