Laughs and Giggles (Page 2)

why did the rooster cross the road?

to prove he wasn't a chicken!

My parents have a 3 legged pig...

There was a fire at the house and the pig jumped in the window and woke them up so they could escape, but that's not how he lost his leg.

There was a car accident in-front of the farm.  Pig ran all the way to the burning heap, pulled two of the victims out and stared doing CPR until the Ambulance got there.  But that's not how he lost his leg.

Pig was sent on the red bull gondola to the edge of space to test the effectiveness of that suit the guy used to make the highest jump and fastest flight without an aircraft* (*by a human).  But that's not how he lost his leg...

How'd he lose it you ask? 

Pig that good ya can't eat all at once...

how come the skeleton did NOT cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

- D'yathinkhesaurus

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

- No idea.

A snail walks into THAT SAME DAM BAR, the barman throws him out..............two weeks later comes back through the door "what did you do that for?"

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. 

The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit. 

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. 

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. 

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher 

lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.. She touched a drop of 

the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she guessed. "No," the 

boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne ?" 

"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"

What did one snowman say to the other?

"Do you smell carrots??"

What do you call a cow with no legs?

a) ground beef

b) it doesn't matter. It will not come anyway.

Man 1> My dog has no nose.

Man 2> How does he smell?

Man 1> Terrible!!!

I'm going to the reverse Origami championship tomorrow.

Can't wait to see how it unfolds!

What kind of milk a cow that just gave birth produces?

Decalfeinated!

"Don't open that closet!" shouted my wife, "your Christmas present is in there."

"Too late" I said pulling open the door, "you get me the crappiest presents, why would I want a half naked milkman!"

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Noooooooooow.

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?

Who ever invented the Knock- Knock jokes should get a No-bell prize!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole?  Phil (fill).

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water?  Bob.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your bathroom?  John

*and the list goes on*