Panama City Beach, Florida United States Ironman North America 71F / 22C Sunny

Total Time = 16h 53m 55s Overall Rank = 2349/2440 Age Group = W50-54 Age Group Rank = 53/58

I've struggled finding the right words to share about my race. Words come easy for the technical, minute by minute details of race day, but for me this race was more than just about race day. It was a journey to see how tris will fit into my life now that my knee limits my ability to run. Part of why I haven't written this early is I'm still processing how I feel about the race. I write this for me, sort of post race therapy. Yes I know it is long. Choose to skip ahead if you want. For me this first stuff is more important in many ways than how race day went. You may view this differently.

We all race for different reasons. On some level we all compete against ourselves. In addition to that our reasons to sign up for an Ironman can be vastly different. For me I like the IM lifestyle…the training, figuring out all the details, nutrition, pacing, race day execution, and racing. Training for IM this time was different; doing no run training meant 1 workout a day most days which felt odd. With normal IM training I’d do an early workout and then one later on 2 a day. 1 workout day gave me for freedom when to start workout which didn’t work out well for me. The old saying getting workouts down early insures you get them done, opposite happened for me. Motivation to get out the door was a struggle at times despite enjoying workouts while doing them.

Last year at IMFL racing I had a blast until the run became painful. For me racing isn't always fun in the moment, I enjoy it on another level, yet at times it sucks or is painful. The total experience is very positive to me so I continue to do tris. Ironman distance races are the ones that I enjoy most. Not having a big goal doesn’t work well for me. I signed up for 2011 the day before the race in 2010. IMFL 2010 was a fantastic race for me in that I had fun most all the race and I was super stoked that I had signed up to do it again. I know I won’t podium, KQ, but that isn’t why I do it. Triathlons make me feel alive, attuned to the world, be one with my bike, enjoy nature, and find a special place in my mind that frees me from daily life and worries.

2010 the swim was special; what had always kept me from doing IMFL was the ocean swim. I grew up in Minnesota during the era of Jaws and in mind had some fears about things that live in ocean compared to lakes. Last year I had fun out there and was super excited by setting a PB in the swim that I had been afraid of for many years. Conquering a fear and doing well at it was rewarding. I remember being out on the bike course about hour in, passing folks, having other pass me thinking wow I swam faster than you, and was in this perfect, amazing place in my head..doing what I love, being with like minded people, feeling the course and my abilities were a good match, it was a big change for me from the prior two IMs first was full of fear if I could finish and the unknown and second because my pride wanted me to improve significantly after first IM. I worked with a coach for second IM that had one way of doing things and didn't like questions. It made training a chore, not fun and despite improving on the swim and run, my bike which was my pride and joy got worse. Both the first two IMs I had significant issues....rain/cold at IMLP with asthma incident 6 miles into run; IM Canada threw up for hours on the bike, cramped, was low on calories and fluid on a very hot day, had to walk some of the hills, bonked or came close, barely made the bike cut off but soldiered on to PB and solid close to even split on the run after recovering nutritionally early on in the run. IM #3 at FL last year was by far the most fun I had, executed my plan well, run was slower than I hoped but mentally I was tough and executed my plan. Having surgery in June and having some issues with leg strength and knee extension, and some on and off again pain I was pleased with how it went.

This year was pretty rough for me. After FL last year I wanted to run more, consistently and in a way I was greedy as I wanted to see improvement. Knee acted up in December and saw a local ortho and started PT again. After 4 PTs over course of 8 months none could figure out my issue, I still couldn't full extend my knee and quad strength difference was obvious even by looking at my two quads. I continued to run but limited amounts. I got pretty sick in Feb/March and missed a lot of training. My parents continued to have health issues. I went out Solvang Tri Camp in March with goal to get some solid base miles in. Federal Express delivered my bike late and ruined my frame. I loved that bike and was heartbroken. It was a gift from my husband for our 25th wedding anniversary. Camp was solid, I was slow, rode some 27 hours in 6 days. When I came home I was mentally fried, depressed and very tired. I took some time off structured training, and pursued finding out what the heck was wrong with my knee and try to deal with my ambivalence to what I loved.

I saw a Rheumatologist who said I had something along the chronic fatigue spectrum, saw a leading researcher on knees, she refereed me to a Sports Endocrinologist who did lots of testing including bone density, finally got an MRI was told I had 3 bone on bone spots, and I needed to go see a different specialist who could see if I was a candidate for procedure that regrows cartilage. I saw the experts at the Cartilage Repair center and was told I was not a candidate. I had cortisone injection which didn't help but useful in getting insurance to pay for symivisc which I had in September. Discussed options and what the outcome might be for what I love to do Ironman.

My knee is on the road to needing knee replacement. Once I stopped running May 7th I was amazed how much better my knee pain was. I had been living with significant pain so long I didn't even register how painful it was until constant pain started to go away. Being able to lie on my stomach with my knee on the bed was a milestone. Plan is to do an Osteotomy in December to cut my tibia to realign my leg so my weight is on the lateral part of my knee where I have better cartilage as well as move my patella out and over to help my patella track better and reduce pain.. We are hopeful this will work as wearing a medial knee unloader brace that moves my leg into that position has reduced the pain in my knee about 85%. Question remains why if my cartilage was age normal in June 2010 how come it went downhill so quickly within a year? Bigger question will my lateral cartilage deteriorate quickly and make knee replacement the only option.

In many ways I think tris saved me. Yes I started losing weight back in '03 and lost 62 pounds in a year and finally got up to 98 pounds lost. But that motivation to exercise and get fit was lacking. I played women's soccer and went to Curves in ‘03. I set a goal to do a sprint tri in a year. I sort of trained but haphazardly. First tri I was terrified, big shark sighting near race location on news before my first tri. I grew in the era of Jaws lived in Minnesota and didn't play or swim in the ocean until I was in college. To many Discovery shows and Jaws movies made ocean scary as it had big scary creepy things that can hurt you. The only fear I have in lakes is finding dead bodies, I know it is an irrational fear. Lakes, weeds, unable to see far, don't bother but at times my own arm startles me with what is that sort of reaction.

When we arrived at the cabin this summer there were a lot of boats including Sheriff boats off our dock, I thought it strange to fish out there as not a good location. No they were looking for a man that drowned. For a couple days those boats were out there, often with plane over head doing a grid search. I swam the day we arrived but was a bit freaked out but wanted my kids to have fun and not be afraid.

The fear of finding a dead body was real and just played in my head a bit and was another excuse not to swim. At the island there are boats and watercraft that drive fast and don't pay attention well so I worry about ows without a boat guide which makes it more challenging to do. It took a good 6 weeks to get back into rhythm of swimming. I struggled more with ows than I had over last few years and had that panicky feeling. The missing body plus a to tight wetsuit were probably key factors.

One of the insights I have had doing Ironmans is that I’m better at many things than I knew…determination, dedication, discipline, digging deep, tough and I work hard at overcoming obstacles. Tris helped me gain self confidence in myself and abilities that had been hiding for years. I do know my genetic and athletic ability aren’t even average, but those other things can make a huge difference. Less than 100 women my age or older started IMFL this year. IMs you see huge drop in AG participants for women in the 50-54 AG that I joined this year and those that race are fantastic dedicated athletes. Back in 2001 when I turned 40 no way would I have guessed I’d have done close to 50 tris, bike and cyclocross races, road races and 4 Ironman by the time I was 50. I’ve accomplished more than I dreamed I could…that sprint in 2004 scared me, watching my first IM race in 2006 scared me, but I overcame.

I was confused much off the summer if I’d do IMFL. It was the day after I turned 50 and I had planned for it to be a celebration of what I have accomplished. Fit at 50 is much better than fat at 40. Being active, thinner engaged in something I feel passionate about has enhanced my life. Knowing that my future in sport I love may be limited made me profoundly sad. I talked to people about it. It was in early September that I decided yes I’m going to try and do IMFL. I was unsure if I may choose to swim & bike and stop. I may opt to try to walk the run if my knee handled it okay. Aquabikes are an option but just aren’t as appealing as tris to me but they are less painful with quicker recovery.


Kevin & I flew down Wednesday on SWA arrived before noon. I choose to not bring the kids for many reasons but in part this IM was different with mixed emotions plus Kyle was graduating from basic training later in the month and we plan to drive to TX and kids can only miss so much school.

Thursday

Swim..just out to first white buoy, across, and back. For me it was challenging as current was strong and big swells. Wetsuit was good. If conditions are like today not sure how I'd do race day. I'm going for the draft and swimming with the folks instead of hanging back.

I struggled with routine to get to the pool. Motivation wasn’t there, pool hours limited over the summer, open water swims had been struggle (realized my wetsuit was to tight as I had gained about 8-10 pounds since last IM and not running changed my body).

Met so many BTers this morning:) Biggest swim meet up I've been to.

Later I rode out to State Park with Glen...very windy..guess about 19 mph per Glen. Fiddled with my Joule but still not working stopped after half loop in State park and moved speed sensor to front wheel and fork...viola it worked just fine!

Everything is working well on my bike which is always sweet!

Lunch with BTers at our normal Liza's Thursday lunch.

I went to the Athlete's Dinner and meet up with a bunch of BTers...I skipped the food but wanted to soak up the atmosphere, get motivated and feel the IM buzz. Staying close to race site is so much easier...3 minute walk to transition and most events.

Friday:

50th Birthday
Pretty rough today...challenging to get past breaking waves at second sand bar then better..hard to site with big waves..Estimated at 5 feet
I feel a bit odd about this IM....some folks look at my knee brace and have some interesting comments. I want to be okay with doing my best no matter the outcome. I have a bunch of mixed emotions like can I do this, will this be my last IM, how will the 26.2 miles go, I suspect that is pretty normal.

Race Morning:
Race morning woke up a bit before 4 am and couldn’t get back to sleep so got up. Ate my bagel and got dressed to go down and pump up tires and put fluid on my bike. Condo security was even more intense and said they wouldn’t let us back in the driveway without a wristband. Kevin went up to get them and I headed over to get body marked and get bike set up. Being there early no wait for body marking and had three volunteers each doing a different body part. It was dark in transition but had some parking lights. I had planned on having bike support pump up my tires but they were not getting there until 5. I borrowed someone’s pump but couldn’t get it on valve extender with disc cover on. Tried a couple other pumps including Sue’s then asked Kevin to go get mine in the condo. I was a bit flustered and asked a security volunteer to help which he did but in process my disc cover tore near valve cut out. I didn’t realize it at the time. Fluids I went with larger TorHans bottle with nuuns and no other fluid knowing aid stations would be frequent.

Back to the condo with wrist bands and hung out with Glen and Thomas for awhile. I had to bring my T2 bag down but had talked to RD about bringing it over right before race start so I could continue to wear my unloader brace as long as possible. Walking without it makes my knee hurt and I had 26.2 miles ahead of me later in the day. Very crowded in transition when I dropped bag and went against flow of athletes and spectator to meet up with Kevin again and I held his hand so we wouldn’t be separated still others cut us off as we walked off the boardwalk. I had wool socks and terry slippers from White Swan hotel located in Guangzhou China they gave to us when we adopted one of our daughters.

I bumped into Pat and was glad to hang out with him as we crossed the swim timing mat into the corral. We high fived excited that the ocean had quieted and much flatter than the two previous day as we both were concerned with conditions and if we could do 2.4 miles in the waves and current. We moved to back of athlete pen and I saw Brianna and then Kevin found us. Pat was doing his first IM and has a triple bypass a few years ago. Being with friends and having Kevin there was special and helped keep me calm. My head and emotions were different than in past IMs. This one I was a participant, not ideally trained wondering if I could enjoy myself knowing that I would be walking the run. I hadn’t had those pre race jitters like I did in previous IMs. With all that has gone on this year, getting to the starting line was challenging. Knowing that I would not PB may have taken some of the self pressure. I was hoping to have solid bike and be well under 6:30. My shoulder had been bothering me again the last couple weeks. The steroid shot I had in September which helped seemed to have worn off. My swim training had been inconsistent with drowning which happens to be something I think of randomly doing murky ows that I will find a body, shoulder issues, pools schedule and lack of desire.