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2012-04-20 10:42 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
lisac957 - 2012-04-20 9:56 AM

Allrighty, to get this new thread going again... here's a scenario. Tell me what you think.

I met a guy a few weeks ago (on Match.com - yay) and we've been going out every 2 or 3 days. It's casual, fun, whatever. We went out Tuesday night and at the end of the night he asks when he can see me again. Something is casually mentioned about Thursday, but no plans whatsoever. I actually don't even remember Thursday was mentioned.

Last night he calls and texts while I'm working out. Touch base with him around 10 p.m. and he says he thought we had plans, he had a date of some sort planned for us, thought I stood him up and all this. At first I think he's joking, but don't think he was. I said "I didn't realize we had actual plans" and he says "No worries. Get some rest and I'll talk to you later."

So... am I just a little too laissez faire about things (I may or may not have been accused of this in the past)? I mean, is "yeah maybe something Thursday" considered solid plans to you guys? Or was he reading too much into things and maybe should have actually confirmed before setting something up?

My positive take on this...

It doesn't sound like it escalated so chalk it up to a good situation.  Conflict happens all the time and it appears as though it was handled well.  I've had girls who would have completely snapped if they assumed something and it didn't happen.



2012-04-20 10:54 AM
in reply to: #4162714

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
Pector55 - 2012-04-20 10:42 AM
lisac957 - 2012-04-20 9:56 AM

Allrighty, to get this new thread going again... here's a scenario. Tell me what you think.

I met a guy a few weeks ago (on Match.com - yay) and we've been going out every 2 or 3 days. It's casual, fun, whatever. We went out Tuesday night and at the end of the night he asks when he can see me again. Something is casually mentioned about Thursday, but no plans whatsoever. I actually don't even remember Thursday was mentioned.

Last night he calls and texts while I'm working out. Touch base with him around 10 p.m. and he says he thought we had plans, he had a date of some sort planned for us, thought I stood him up and all this. At first I think he's joking, but don't think he was. I said "I didn't realize we had actual plans" and he says "No worries. Get some rest and I'll talk to you later."

So... am I just a little too laissez faire about things (I may or may not have been accused of this in the past)? I mean, is "yeah maybe something Thursday" considered solid plans to you guys? Or was he reading too much into things and maybe should have actually confirmed before setting something up?

My positive take on this...

It doesn't sound like it escalated so chalk it up to a good situation.  Conflict happens all the time and it appears as though it was handled well.  I've had girls who would have completely snapped if they assumed something and it didn't happen.

I agree the fun/stress is the unknowing and getting to know the other person as a the new "relationship" blossoms.  I think these are all routine and common hurdle in getting to know one another.  This also define what kind of communication and effort it takes for the two of you to be on the same page.  So a short conversation stating like you just did above would make the both of you feel better and grow the relationship whether it be "just friends", lovers, or just for the personal growth.

I often feel like people, both men and women are in a hurry to get to the end and that comfortable spot in a relationship, while missing all the fun of the discovering phase.  It takes work/effort/communication and sometime disaster to get both parties on the same page.

2012-04-20 11:05 AM
in reply to: #4162749

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
NRG42 - 2012-04-20 11:54 AM
Pector55 - 2012-04-20 10:42 AM
lisac957 - 2012-04-20 9:56 AM

Allrighty, to get this new thread going again... here's a scenario. Tell me what you think.

I met a guy a few weeks ago (on Match.com - yay) and we've been going out every 2 or 3 days. It's casual, fun, whatever. We went out Tuesday night and at the end of the night he asks when he can see me again. Something is casually mentioned about Thursday, but no plans whatsoever. I actually don't even remember Thursday was mentioned.

Last night he calls and texts while I'm working out. Touch base with him around 10 p.m. and he says he thought we had plans, he had a date of some sort planned for us, thought I stood him up and all this. At first I think he's joking, but don't think he was. I said "I didn't realize we had actual plans" and he says "No worries. Get some rest and I'll talk to you later."

So... am I just a little too laissez faire about things (I may or may not have been accused of this in the past)? I mean, is "yeah maybe something Thursday" considered solid plans to you guys? Or was he reading too much into things and maybe should have actually confirmed before setting something up?

My positive take on this...

It doesn't sound like it escalated so chalk it up to a good situation.  Conflict happens all the time and it appears as though it was handled well.  I've had girls who would have completely snapped if they assumed something and it didn't happen.

I agree the fun/stress is the unknowing and getting to know the other person as a the new "relationship" blossoms.  I think these are all routine and common hurdle in getting to know one another.  This also define what kind of communication and effort it takes for the two of you to be on the same page.  So a short conversation stating like you just did above would make the both of you feel better and grow the relationship whether it be "just friends", lovers, or just for the personal growth.

I often feel like people, both men and women are in a hurry to get to the end and that comfortable spot in a relationship, while missing all the fun of the discovering phase.  It takes work/effort/communication and sometime disaster to get both parties on the same page.

Yup! The disasters are often when you can really find out if it sustainable.  If the foundation of patience and understanding is there, you can deal with anything.

2012-04-20 11:09 AM
in reply to: #4162773

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
Pector55 - 2012-04-20 11:05 AM
NRG42 - 2012-04-20 11:54 AM
Pector55 - 2012-04-20 10:42 AM
lisac957 - 2012-04-20 9:56 AM

Allrighty, to get this new thread going again... here's a scenario. Tell me what you think.

I met a guy a few weeks ago (on Match.com - yay) and we've been going out every 2 or 3 days. It's casual, fun, whatever. We went out Tuesday night and at the end of the night he asks when he can see me again. Something is casually mentioned about Thursday, but no plans whatsoever. I actually don't even remember Thursday was mentioned.

Last night he calls and texts while I'm working out. Touch base with him around 10 p.m. and he says he thought we had plans, he had a date of some sort planned for us, thought I stood him up and all this. At first I think he's joking, but don't think he was. I said "I didn't realize we had actual plans" and he says "No worries. Get some rest and I'll talk to you later."

So... am I just a little too laissez faire about things (I may or may not have been accused of this in the past)? I mean, is "yeah maybe something Thursday" considered solid plans to you guys? Or was he reading too much into things and maybe should have actually confirmed before setting something up?

My positive take on this...

It doesn't sound like it escalated so chalk it up to a good situation.  Conflict happens all the time and it appears as though it was handled well.  I've had girls who would have completely snapped if they assumed something and it didn't happen.

I agree the fun/stress is the unknowing and getting to know the other person as a the new "relationship" blossoms.  I think these are all routine and common hurdle in getting to know one another.  This also define what kind of communication and effort it takes for the two of you to be on the same page.  So a short conversation stating like you just did above would make the both of you feel better and grow the relationship whether it be "just friends", lovers, or just for the personal growth.

I often feel like people, both men and women are in a hurry to get to the end and that comfortable spot in a relationship, while missing all the fun of the discovering phase.  It takes work/effort/communication and sometime disaster to get both parties on the same page.

Yup! The disasters are often when you can really find out if it sustainable.  If the foundation of patience and understanding is there, you can deal with anything.

Throwing in the towel too early for me is a huge turn-off.  We are starting to figure each other out, OF COURSE there are going to be some bumps and unexpected turns.

 

2012-04-20 11:16 AM
in reply to: #4162190

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
It's not in the fun/easy time's that you see the true sum of a person but in the bad/hard times.
2012-04-20 11:24 AM
in reply to: #4162190

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

Smells like the beginning of control and manipulation issues to me. Deliberate misunderstandings show a massive inability to communicate maturely. i.e. he was peeved that you did not follow up on a possible Thursday, so he deliberately misunderstands and "blames" you so that you feel bad and pay him more attention. Definite flag - how do you have a date with no start time?

 

Even if it's not all that, he still seems a little brittle - If I didn't say "I'll pick you up at" or "we will meet at a X ", the fault would be mine and a gentle VM of "hey, I wasn't sure if we were meeting tonight or not. If I don't hear back from you, I'll assume no and talk with you later!" 

 

Welshy



2012-04-20 11:26 AM
in reply to: #4162836

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
tmwelshy - 2012-04-20 11:24 AM

Smells like the beginning of control and manipulation issues to me. Deliberate misunderstandings show a massive inability to communicate maturely. i.e. he was peeved that you did not follow up on a possible Thursday, so he deliberately misunderstands and "blames" you so that you feel bad and pay him more attention. Definite flag - how do you have a date with no start time?

 

Even if it's not all that, he still seems a little brittle - If I didn't say "I'll pick you up at" or "we will meet at a X ", the fault would be mine and a gentle VM of "hey, I wasn't sure if we were meeting tonight or not. If I don't hear back from you, I'll assume no and talk with you later!" 

 

Welshy

yeah, thats what I caught a hint of.  Maybe not a red flag, but just a salmon one.

2012-04-20 11:44 AM
in reply to: #4162843

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
turtlegirl - 2012-04-20 11:26 AM
tmwelshy - 2012-04-20 11:24 AM

Smells like the beginning of control and manipulation issues to me. Deliberate misunderstandings show a massive inability to communicate maturely. i.e. he was peeved that you did not follow up on a possible Thursday, so he deliberately misunderstands and "blames" you so that you feel bad and pay him more attention. Definite flag - how do you have a date with no start time?

 

Even if it's not all that, he still seems a little brittle - If I didn't say "I'll pick you up at" or "we will meet at a X ", the fault would be mine and a gentle VM of "hey, I wasn't sure if we were meeting tonight or not. If I don't hear back from you, I'll assume no and talk with you later!" 

 

Welshy

yeah, thats what I caught a hint of.  Maybe not a red flag, but just a salmon one.

 

You're obviously very smart.

2012-04-20 12:17 PM
in reply to: #4162190

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

Edited by lisac957 2012-04-20 12:24 PM
2012-04-20 12:18 PM
in reply to: #4162468

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

NRG42 - 2012-04-20 7:15 AM Still single and I WILL behave

 

What fun is that???

2012-04-20 12:19 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

Oh and I'm still here, still single and witty as never! 

Oops wait make that witty as ever



2012-04-20 12:23 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 10:17 AM LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling personality. Tongue out

 

x2, give the guy a break, chalk it up to a misunderstanding and go out and have fun. 

Maybe he will learn that if he wants to see you he needs to make definitive plans and you might see that he is more casual than you and look for his subtle clues.  20 years from now when you are unhappily married you can fight about this first hiccup in divorce court... oh wait maybe that was cynical!

2012-04-20 12:31 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
So what's better for scheduling dates, Outlook meeting invitations or evite?
2012-04-20 12:33 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 12:17 PM LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

 

The intertrons are serious business.

2012-04-20 12:42 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

BrianRunsPhilly - 2012-04-20 1:31 PM So what's better for scheduling dates, Outlook meeting invitations or evite?

After reading some of the above, I think I am going to require a notarized document from the other party stating the time and place without ambiguity.

2012-04-20 12:48 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

BrianRunsPhilly - 2012-04-20 11:31 AM So what's better for scheduling dates, Outlook meeting invitations or evite?

I just burn the date/time into their front lawn.



2012-04-20 1:05 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 1:17 PM

LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

BEDEVERE:  What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3:  Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE:  A newt?
VILLAGER #3:  I got better.
VILLAGER #2:  Burn her anyway!
VILLAGER #1:  Burn!
CROWD:  Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...

2012-04-20 1:07 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 1:17 PM LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

don't forget petty and clinger.

2012-04-20 1:10 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 11:17 AM LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

Play fair Lisa, albeit rather minor this is the second slightly off behavior with this feller

2012-04-20 1:16 PM
in reply to: #4163121

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
thebigb - 2012-04-20 1:10 PM

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 11:17 AM LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

Play fair Lisa, albeit rather minor this is the second slightly off behavior with this feller

Eeeh, the first one was a valid question IMO. I've been pretty reserved with this one, admittedly. 

2012-04-20 1:18 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
Sheesh, I was wondering why it got so quiet.....

The carrot is still here.


2012-04-20 1:19 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
lisac957 - 2012-04-20 12:16 PM
thebigb - 2012-04-20 1:10 PM

lisac957 - 2012-04-20 11:17 AM LOL I love the internet. A misunderstanding now = controlling, manipulative, immature personality. Tongue out

Play fair Lisa, albeit rather minor this is the second slightly off behavior with this feller

Eeeh, the first one was a valid question IMO. I've been pretty reserved with this one, admittedly. 

Ok fair enough.  Quit being a B, Lisa!  

2012-04-20 1:21 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0

Well to get back on topic, do you have any dates planned with him over the weekend Lisa?  Or too many reservations already?

2012-04-20 1:27 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
elrasc06 - 2012-04-20 1:21 PM

Well to get back on topic, do you have any dates planned with him over the weekend Lisa?  Or too many reservations already?

Not yet. Well he asked if he could take me to some show Sunday night, so that's a possibility.

I don't have large reservations yet, I was just surprised that a casual "yeah maybe Thursday" equaled "solid plans" in his mind. We'll see!

2012-04-20 1:38 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 2.0
lisac957 - 2012-04-20 1:27 PM
elrasc06 - 2012-04-20 1:21 PM

Well to get back on topic, do you have any dates planned with him over the weekend Lisa?  Or too many reservations already?

Not yet. Well he asked if he could take me to some show Sunday night, so that's a possibility.

I don't have large reservations yet, I was just surprised that a casual "yeah maybe Thursday" equaled "solid plans" in his mind. We'll see!

isn't that deja vu all over again?

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