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2012-07-18 8:41 AM
in reply to: #4317512

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Big Appa - 2012-07-18 9:37 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 6:31 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 8:14 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

You're right.  Most of my friends aren't faithful. Laughing ....... And check out the divorce rate sometime.

I can say it's not the norm but I am a man who has many very close female friends who are purely just friends and there will never be any sexual contact even if they offered. I think it's sad for a man or woman to say they have no personal will power or integrity and they are just being a man/woman if that happens.

Thanks, Cord It's what I was getting at...

...also, if my preferences changed and I started liking women - would I no longer be able to have female friends?



2012-07-18 8:46 AM
in reply to: #4317522

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 9:41 PM
Big Appa - 2012-07-18 9:37 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 6:31 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 8:14 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

You're right.  Most of my friends aren't faithful. Laughing ....... And check out the divorce rate sometime.

I can say it's not the norm but I am a man who has many very close female friends who are purely just friends and there will never be any sexual contact even if they offered. I think it's sad for a man or woman to say they have no personal will power or integrity and they are just being a man/woman if that happens.

Thanks, Cord It's what I was getting at...

...also, if my preferences changed and I started liking women - would I no longer be able to have female friends?

Feel free to alert me right away if this ever happens.

If it does and you still just want to be friends, I'd be heartbroken but I'm cool with it. I think we make good female friends.

Yeah really ... it's like saying gay men can't have other gay or straight male friends ... throw every permutation you can think of in there ... bottom line is that just because YOU (not you, the random individual you) can't have X type of friend without the risk of bouncing their bones doesn't mean every single other human being is just like you, in that respect or any other.

2012-07-18 8:48 AM
in reply to: #4317522

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 6:41 AM
Big Appa - 2012-07-18 9:37 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 6:31 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 8:14 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

You're right.  Most of my friends aren't faithful. Laughing ....... And check out the divorce rate sometime.

I can say it's not the norm but I am a man who has many very close female friends who are purely just friends and there will never be any sexual contact even if they offered. I think it's sad for a man or woman to say they have no personal will power or integrity and they are just being a man/woman if that happens.

Thanks, Cord It's what I was getting at...

...also, if my preferences changed and I started liking women - would I no longer be able to have female friends?

Also what about friends with significant others or our friends spouses? Will we not let our SO have friends of the opposite sex because they will cheat? Do we not hang out or be friends with our friends spouses because inevitably we will end up sleeping together?

I think the thinking is flawed. Do we teach our children what is right or wrong or do we just tell them to stay away from things because they will do it?

2012-07-18 9:07 AM
in reply to: #4317547

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Big Appa - 2012-07-18 8:48 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 6:41 AM
Big Appa - 2012-07-18 9:37 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 6:31 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-18 8:14 AM
Left Brain - 2012-07-18 12:32 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 10:00 PM

Goosedog - 2012-07-17 6:54 PM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 6:15 PM... and he has, on more than one occasion, claimed that I'm a dude without junk.
Oldest line in the book.

Oh yeah. Just what every woman wants to hear

 

But he's right.

I've been married for nearly 20 years.....I adore my wife.  I don't have girl friends.  I'm absolutely faithful to my wife.  I don't have them because it's too risky.  If you are a girl, and we are friends, it means I like you, and you like me.  If you show up one night and say, "let's go".......I'm rat forked.  I'm a guy.  

There is only one woman in my life......I'm good with it.  

Actually, one woman is plenty of the gender for me to be "friends" with. Being friends with more than one would give me a headache.  Laughing

Your observations are not everyone's reality.

You're right.  Most of my friends aren't faithful. Laughing ....... And check out the divorce rate sometime.

I can say it's not the norm but I am a man who has many very close female friends who are purely just friends and there will never be any sexual contact even if they offered. I think it's sad for a man or woman to say they have no personal will power or integrity and they are just being a man/woman if that happens.

Thanks, Cord It's what I was getting at...

...also, if my preferences changed and I started liking women - would I no longer be able to have female friends?

Also what about friends with significant others or our friends spouses? Will we not let our SO have friends of the opposite sex because they will cheat? Do we not hang out or be friends with our friends spouses because inevitably we will end up sleeping together?

I think the thinking is flawed. Do we teach our children what is right or wrong or do we just tell them to stay away from things because they will do it?

Eh....there's not much there I would argue with.  I guess for me I don't have much desire for friendship with women.  I've got a wife and 4 daughters.......that's enough. Laughing

2012-07-18 9:22 AM
in reply to: #4314005

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Some of my best friends have been girls...I've had no desire to hook up with any of them.

I lived with "two smoking hot" as my males friends put it girls for several years, they were like sisters. The only problems were with the girls I dated, they always felt weird coming over and would sneak out in the mornings etc. They now live on opposite coasts and we stay in contact and can resume the friendship on the drop of a dime when we see each other on visits/weddings etc.
2012-07-18 9:32 AM
in reply to: #4317630

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
running2far - 2012-07-18 8:22 AM Some of my best friends have been girls...I've had no desire to hook up with any of them. I lived with "two smoking hot" as my males friends put it girls for several years, they were like sisters. The only problems were with the girls I dated, they always felt weird coming over and would sneak out in the mornings etc. They now live on opposite coasts and we stay in contact and can resume the friendship on the drop of a dime when we see each other on visits/weddings etc.
What about Mr Roper and Larry, do you still keep in touch with them?  


2012-07-18 9:33 AM
in reply to: #4317656

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
drewb8 - 2012-07-18 9:32 AM

running2far - 2012-07-18 8:22 AM Some of my best friends have been girls...I've had no desire to hook up with any of them. I lived with "two smoking hot" as my males friends put it girls for several years, they were like sisters. The only problems were with the girls I dated, they always felt weird coming over and would sneak out in the mornings etc. They now live on opposite coasts and we stay in contact and can resume the friendship on the drop of a dime when we see each other on visits/weddings etc.
What about Mr Roper and Larry, do you still keep in touch with them?  


We went to several parties as three's company!
2012-07-18 9:52 AM
in reply to: #4314005

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

I really don't understand why "liking" someone has to all lumped into the romatic type of like. There are many ways to "like a person".  When I like you as a friend, I don't have romantic feelings to you.  When I enjoy working with you in a job environment, it doesn't mean I like hanging out with you at a personal level. 

That said, my feelings toward someone is independent on what that person do/say.  If I don't have romantic feeling to him, I don't have romantic feeling to him, period.  Him professing his love to me is not going to change my non-romantic feeling towards him, regardless of how much I like him as a friend. 

Seems like I am a rare species who have more guy friends growing up than girl friends, and many of them still my good friends after all these years with me moving 1/2 the globe away from my home town over 20 years ago.  I visit home every year and get to see them every time.  Their GF and wives don't have problem with me hanging out with them.  Last year one of those guys with his fiancee and I were on vacation together.  Guy and I were looking up directions on his iPad in the hotel room. We got sort of comfy, were lying side-by-side on the bed staring at the screen, and the fiancee didn't even blink her eyes.  Not only do the guys and I can trust one another.  Their significant others can trust us also. I am like a brother to them. 

After all these years, we know what to expect and no one wants to ruin the friendships. 

2012-07-19 11:28 AM
in reply to: #4317251

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
TriAya - 2012-07-18 1:55 AM
lifejustice - 2012-07-18 5:08 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 1:41 PM

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

Women always say this even though it doesn't work that way with guys. (that is what the video was outlining).  Are you 100% that the feeling is mutual, or are you just saying that because that is what you *think*?

Here's a test:  If a woman puts on a pretty dress. then shows up at their good guy friend's house at 8PM.  Ask them if they want to "fool around".   If they say,"no, you should probably go home." then you are absolutely right and I will call myself and all men fools. 

...But they won't say that.  They don't have a friendzone. 

 

Been there done that went without the cheesecake!

May be a slightly anomalous situation since I happen to have very virtuous guy friends and I'm the one who doesn't have a friendzone.

I'd agree with you that the vast majority of straight men think about and want to sleep with their female friends. But from personal experience I'd disagree with you about how many actually WOULD. (I still think it's a vast majority, but significantly less than the former vast majority).

I would also say despite all that, tons of single and married people have very solid, long lasting friendships with the gender/type of people they are attracted to.

Rushtogether maybe you should be a talk show host; you've managed to get everyone discussing this topic so passionately.

Triaya, you make me laugh.  I also think what men share with each other is not actually how they act with women.  I've met some pretty darn virtuous men.  These guys probably aren't bragging about this aspect of themselves.   Whereas the guys notching their bedposts are possibly more likely to be holding forth on their prowess (Is this because of cultural expectations?  I'm not sure).

Knowing ourselves and our own characteristics and preferences gives us access to only one data point which can not possibly constitute a trend for our entire gender.  I often feel men know more about the general sexuality of women because they probably have had relationships with several women and on the same line of thought, women know more about men's sexuality because they are more likely to have done some . . .er  . . . fieldwork on the topic.  I often listen to men talk about their experiences with women and find it to be a total eye opener.  These women are completely different than me.

I pretty much agree with everyone here no matter how diverse the opinion . . . well  . . . maybe because of the diversity of experiences, perspectives and opinions.

Can some men and women be friends?  Absolutely.

Is it impossible for some men and women to be friends? Absolutely.

Are there some men and women with no reason to have heterosexual friendships?  Absolutely.

Are there some men and women who can not possibly ever be friends with someone of the opposite gender?  Absolutely.

As far as I can tell, every individual is a unique tangled skein of characteristics and perhaps sexuality is the most tangled sector of a human being.

Yep, I have a long time male friend.  We are both 49 and have been friends for some 25 years.  I'm delighted he got married can't remember what we did before his wife came along. 

Yep, there is a man that I would never, ever want to be friends with; I'm not happy he is with someone else and I will go out of my way to stay away from him because the attraction is too strong and painful.

Yep, I've tried to be friends with men who had feelings too strong to make a friendship practical.  Some of them were honest about there feelings and some of them were not.  I have learned there are people it is just not "economically feasible" to be friends with.  Knowing when this is true has to be decided on a case by case basis.

Rushtogether, you seem to be a very fine person and will figure out whatever you need to figure out in the situation.  It does sound like this is an important friendship to you; it is also possible your feelings will be too strong to make such a relationship practical.  And of course life is just constantly changing. 



Edited by annie 2012-07-19 11:40 AM
2012-07-20 7:07 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

I married one of my best female friends.  20 years ago. Together for 24.

I made at least 3 failed attempts to take it to the level (drunken passes).  Finally, she let me kiss her and it rocked her world, obviously!

Go for the smooch.  You can always laugh it off later.

2012-07-20 7:14 AM
in reply to: #4317251

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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
TriAya - 2012-07-18 2:55 AM
lifejustice - 2012-07-18 5:08 AM
ratherbeswimming - 2012-07-17 1:41 PM

I've got a few male friends with now ulterior motives. Real, true, honest, genuine friends. No ulterior motives, no secrets, just people whose company I thoroughly enjoy and don't want to bang... and the feeling is mutual.

Women always say this even though it doesn't work that way with guys. (that is what the video was outlining).  Are you 100% that the feeling is mutual, or are you just saying that because that is what you *think*?

Here's a test:  If a woman puts on a pretty dress. then shows up at their good guy friend's house at 8PM.  Ask them if they want to "fool around".   If they say,"no, you should probably go home." then you are absolutely right and I will call myself and all men fools. 

...But they won't say that.  They don't have a friendzone. 

 

Been there done that went without the cheesecake!

May be a slightly anomalous situation since I happen to have very virtuous guy friends and I'm the one who doesn't have a friendzone.

I'd agree with you that the vast majority of straight men think about and want to sleep with their female friends. But from personal experience I'd disagree with you about how many actually WOULD. (I still think it's a vast majority, but significantly less than the former vast majority).

I would also say despite all that, tons of single and married people have very solid, long lasting friendships with the gender/type of people they are attracted to.

Who told you?!?

Seriously, I fall into this category.  Have I ever been tempted to act on my feelings? Sure.  Have I? No!

I'm not sure if this makes me virtuous or if I just do the math in my head.

One night of perhaps excellent sex < A lifetime with my best friend who delivers some fine pizza



2012-07-20 4:36 PM
in reply to: #4321462

Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

The best par tof this thread

Rather be swimming saying things like want to bang him  or a Dude without any junk up front.  I bet she is fun in real life

Joe

2012-07-26 5:37 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Sooo????
2012-07-26 7:12 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

pga_mike - 2012-07-26 5:37 AM Sooo????

x2

2012-07-26 2:43 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

I decided to leave it alone.

I can and am putting my feelings aside so I don't lose a friend.

 

Laughing

2012-07-27 8:56 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
RushTogether - 2012-07-26 2:43 PM

I decided to leave it alone.

I can and am putting my feelings aside so I don't lose a friend.

 

Laughing

Inner peace friend, inner peace.



2012-07-27 11:17 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

2012-07-27 11:28 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:17 PM

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

Dude your age is showing, you might want to tuck that back in.

2012-07-27 11:43 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
trinnas - 2012-07-27 12:28 PM
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:17 PM

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

Dude your age is showing, you might want to tuck that back in.

 

Um... Nick at Night. Yeah, that's it.

2012-07-27 11:46 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:43 PM
trinnas - 2012-07-27 12:28 PM
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:17 PM

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

Dude your age is showing, you might want to tuck that back in.

 

Um... Nick at Night. Yeah, that's it.

They play that on Nick at Night???

 

2012-07-27 11:48 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
trinnas - 2012-07-27 12:46 PM
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:43 PM
trinnas - 2012-07-27 12:28 PM
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:17 PM

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

Dude your age is showing, you might want to tuck that back in.

 

Um... Nick at Night. Yeah, that's it.

They play that on Nick at Night???

 

Sure



2012-07-27 11:49 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:48 PM
trinnas - 2012-07-27 12:46 PM
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:43 PM
trinnas - 2012-07-27 12:28 PM
mrbbrad - 2012-07-27 12:17 PM

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend

Dude your age is showing, you might want to tuck that back in.

 

Um... Nick at Night. Yeah, that's it.

They play that on Nick at Night???

 

Sure

I have never seen Nick at Night sorry.

 

2012-09-24 6:41 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend

*********UPDATE*********

 

We just got spending the last week together in Myrtle Beach together.  Mainly as friends, but also to try and figure out if there was anything "there".  As it turns out, there isn't.  We both walked into this with open eyes and figured it would just let it figure itself out.  That being said we found out that while we are really truly great friends, we really can't stand to be with each other for that much time.  We were driving each other nuts after about the 3rd day.  It was a mutual decision by both of us that we would drop the thoughts of there ever being anything more then a friendship between us.

 

A big sigh of relief and a big weight off my chest.  Again, I can't thank you all enough for helping me through this.  All of your thoughts/opinions mean the world to me..

2012-09-25 9:06 AM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
Well now atleast you know.
2012-09-25 7:04 PM
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Subject: RE: Falling for my best friend
RushTogether - 2012-09-24 5:41 PM

*********UPDATE*********

 

That being said we found out that while we are really truly great friends, we really can't stand to be with each other for that much time.  We were driving each other nuts after about the 3rd day.   

A big sigh of relief and a big weight off my chest.  Again, I can't thank you all enough for helping me through this.  All of your thoughts/opinions mean the world to me..

You are OBVIOUSLY made for each other-this how it's suppossed to feel.

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