Goal less partner

You need to make sure goals are hard to achieve.  To ensure your partner is sufficiently stretched you should put marbles on the stairs, cut her brake cables, install an electric heater above the bath and tell your Mother that she doesn't like her.

That should bring her up to standard.

Unless you're being really unsympathetic and she's got really bad asthma, then her goal's quite reasonable.

So your partner is being consistent with when you met them and every year you continue to ask and hope they changed?

Maybe she's hoping for a partner with less sarcasm?  

Honestly, though, what you just wrote seems pretty simplistic. Bet there's a lot more going on there than 4-5 sentences worth of "no goals" rant.

Did she use to set goals with you and recently changed or is this how she has always been?

Surely there is nothing wrong with not.  I don't make goals once a year, it is an ongoing process, and I don't make them only for yearly time frames.  Some of us just don't feel the need to have a planning session once a year to map out our lives.

It depends entirely on how this was broached with her.

Were you guys sitting at dinner, over a glass of wine... talking about the new year... and it happened to come up... like "So, honey, what are your goals this year?"

Or.....

Was it a confrontation... in the morning, before coffee, or after a crappy day at work... "What are your goals for this year, huh?"

Huge difference.

Also, do you regularly discuss goals with her? Or is this something that caught her by surprise?

What else is going on here? This is not just about "goals".

Do tell.

The question was asked when we were out walking, in a nice manner 

its not just about goals but that is a big area - i would love to have us on the same page working towards great things whether its PLANNED family holidays , stuff with our children stuff with our health etc 

and that is ?

To fix it or get out.....I just can't imagine spending all that energy arguing. 

not that easy with children involved

I assume (hope) by "survive" she means just "be."  I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I have a girlfriend who is always trying to improve herself and it's exhausting just to witness!   I never think/write down my goals.   

Now, I do have a generally stated goal in life to "experience and appreciate" and my choices are based on that.  It basically means I don't sweat the small stuff, appreciate little things and big, and go on a LOT of vacations. 

Now, if she truly is low enough that just getting by (like going to work, eat, sleep) is something she hopes she can do, she might need a therapist and sounds really sad.  Especially if her partner is badgering her to make improvements, which would only worsen it.  Hard to say without being there.

I hope your thread is offering your some perspective on how she might be thinking.

Then find a way to fix it.  Marriage doesn't have to be combat.

x2.  Especially with children involved.  Maybe check out some couples counseling, or, if she is not willing to go, individual counseling.   

thanks we have been to 2 different counseling people firms over the last 2 years - and i think if it wasent for our kids we wouldnt be together 

That says a whole heck of a lot right there.

You do know that people with children get divorced every day, every week, every month.........

I'm sure if I was pressed to list my "goals" for a year, I would most likely come up with an answer.  Also, beating cancer last year, and having an uncle who just got killed in a car wreck the other day, I think "survive" is not all that bad.  As for "goals" I don't give it that much thought nor do I need to.  Yet I still accomplish a lot of things.  Triathlons, IM's wonderful vacations, study for the PE exam...

I don't need "goals" to shoot for in order to work hard, or be a good husband, or make things happen.  I just do them.