The "No Kids Club"

I'm 34. I don't have kids. I have zero prospect of having kids in the near future (next couple of years at least). I realize my prospects of having a biological child are sharply narrowing, and I'm okay with that.

I think I'd like to have kids, but I'm not sure. I'm very happy with the idea of adopting. In fact, whether or not I ever wind up having a biological child, I will almost certainly adopt (at least) one as well.

No kids here, no plans to ever have any.  I have a tough enough time taking care of myself

I put "by choice" because I guess it's my choice to have not found the right person to want to have kids with yet, or to not have had children when I was with someone.

I am still undecided on whether kids are for me or not. Lately, I've been in the "not" category most of the time. Maybe that will change when I meet the right person. Hard to say.

 

Never wanted kids.  Until I had my first.  Now cannot imagine life with out them both.  (Never say never)

Yanti, you're young, you're beautiful...as long as everything works, your prospects are much greater than zero!  (I'm sure you could find a willing partner.  Now conforming to societal "norms" for long-term, stable relationships before having a child might work against your prospects. ) 

We've got kids.  We have 4 boys, ages 23, 20, 17, and 17. 

Anybody who tells you having a child takes 9 months is lying!  It takes 20 years.  

I would say you are 'by choice'.  It's not like you changed your mind and then found out you couldn't.  If that had happened, I would then say medical. 

This has been weighing on me b/c I have a couple of friends that are trying and not having luck.  They spent 10's of thousands of dollars on shots and exams and such (They stopped short of the turkey baster)  They have now decided that kids will not be in their future and are starting to be OK w/ it - they like being uber cool auntie and uncle too.  I have two other couple friends that are not having kids by choice as well so they dont have 'little reminders' running around when we get together.

No kids.  Don't want any.  Have been that way for the past 18 years.  Gave up 2 guys in the dating process when realized their versions of future have "kids" in the equaltion. 

This is my choice of how I live my life.  Not affecting anyone and no need to lecture me, or try to change my mind.  Coz I won't. 

I had to go with "no kids by choice". I love kids, I am the best uncle/godfather around....its probably because I only see the kids a couple of times a year. The kid thing is such a touchy situation. I used to want them, but at the age of 36, it's a bit more daunting when you consider the financial, emotional, and ethical responsibilities that go along with them. To make things more interesting I tend to date older women that already have their kids and don't want anymore. You would think that is perfect, however I keep hearing the story that I will want kids one day and they get a little nervous about the future. For the record......just because I like kids and am good with them, doesnt mean I have to have them.

I was in the "I don't want kids' camp for the longest time. Even when we got married I wasn't really wanting any. I told my mom on my wedding day to not plan on any grandkids from us! And that was just over two years ago. Then, my mind changed and now I want one (for now, we'll see how #1 goes before we go further). It's so weird to me how I was always so meh about kids and now I really want one. Luckily, my husband's thoughts naturally progressed to wanting one as well so we are on the same page.

We are in the beginning stages of trying, so who knows if we will be able to, etc. However, we have both agreed that if it can't be done naturally or with some slight nudging (medication, diet change, whatever), then we will take it as a sign it wasn't meant to be for us and look into adoption. For me personally, I just can't see going through the invasive treatments and shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars on procedures that MAY work.

I definitely respect those who do not wish to have kids...especially since I used to be in that category. I don't understand why others push people to having them when they don't want them. Makes no sense! And just the same, I respect those who will go to the ens of the earth to conceive a child of their own, some people feel that strong need to have a child that is blood. And who knows, I may reach that point as well when it's all said and done, but at the moment, I just want a baby and if I'm meant to adopt then that's great too.

1991-I gave up my daughter as a baby....so technically I 'had' a child, but at the same time didn't.
I did not want children, she was unplanned and I was 20 years old.

Fast forward 19 years, I have been reunited with my daughter, so now I have a child who is an adult.

The adult child is pretty cool. I'm really enjoying getting to know her. I will never have another child.

I checked the planning to - which is weird.  I am getting married this fall and have been with my SO for nearly four years.  Though, before him I really hadn't had any significant relationships that would have indicated I would even find a long-term partner let alone have kids so through most of my 20's i really didn't think about it or pin many hopes on it.

I tried to take the 'life will be' and i'll enjoy the journey no matter what happens.  It's just strange now that it's coming to be.  I have trouble saying it out loud because it all could be so very real in the next few years!   

As an aside, I really hate when people have a schedule for life - 'l will be married by X age, have kid 1 at X, buy X house with X bedrooms and buy X car - so I attempted to avoid that thinking that often leads to disappointment or crazy-decision making. 

They need to watch out, because stress is one of the biggest obstacles!   Happens to alot of couples who adopt, stop fretting about getting pregnant, and then whammo!  

We experienced it as well with our biological children.   Wife was super-stressed about getting pregnant.... didn't happen.   Doctor finally agreed to see us about fertility issues (they won't see you unless you've been trying for a year) and before we could get to the appointment she was pregnant.    We adopted our daughter, and then decided to try for #3 a few months later.   Charlie surprised us both by coming along right after we started "trying"   

Never was around kids growing up (I came from a small family).  Then I got married and my wife is from a good size family.  8 years later and I am the proud father of a little girl (5 years old) and little boy (3 years old).

Regardless, DO NOT get guilted into having kids.    You and your wife are the ones that would have to take care of them.  In my experience grandparents love and dote on them, get them all crazy and wired up, fill em with sugar.....and then send them home to mom and dad!

 

I have 2-kids (8 & 11).  When we first got married I really didn't think I wanted to have kids.  Not that I didn't like kids...I 've always loved being around kids! I was just very happy with the way things were without.  Then at the age of 39 my daughter was born.  2 1/2 years later her little brother was born.  My life has never been better!  It's work and they're still at the age where it's hard to have a minute to yourself...but it's awesome!  Nothing has enriched my life as much as being a parent!

yeah, I know...they're not teenagers yet.

eta:  don't let family or friends make you feel guilty.  having kids is not for everyone.  don't do it unless you and the wife are sure you want to take on that responsibility.


Edited by rayd 2010-08-11 2:27 PM

I'm not sure it's fair to say this - it's a pretty broad generalization.
I have a couple of friends who had children who will readily admit they still wish they hadn't. I mean, of course they love their children and all of that, but they have both said they thought someday they'd come around, but just never did. One of them even said her and her daughter just don't like each other - her daughter is 2. 

Having kids is NOT for everyone, and those who don't have them shouldn't feel guilty or made to feel as if they're "missing out" on something. 
 
 

No kids, get the bug once in a while, want them eventually...  But at 41, time may be slipping away...

now that is a very sad statement.

I agree...

I guess the statement COULD be true no matter the situation.  No one realizes what they are missing IF they are "missing" it!!!

They could be missing on hell on earth.  Problem kids that terrorize everyone they come in contact with, violent people that cause heartbreak and grief your entire life...  And we don't "realize what we are missing"...  Which could be a good thing.

But in general, everyone assumes we are "missing" out on good things if we don't have kids.  Which may or may not be true.

+1 this x2.  

My heart aches for that little girl.  

why not the mom?

I have two boys (17, 13) and neither of them were planned.  I wouldn't change anything and can't imagine life without them.  I was fortunate in many ways because we had them when we were in our early 20's so they will both be out of the house before I turn 44. 






Edited by melle 2010-08-11 2:31 PM