How old is too old to start a family? (Page 2)

Yanti Dearest!  Now now, don't tease me like that, you're already taken!  :P  Besides, what makes you think I was talking about myself?  Ok, ok, maybe I was...

And thanks, everyone, for all the great responses.  So many different stories and perspectives.  It's wonderful to hear all the positive stories, and the negative, regarding parenting at an older age.  In my own case, I'm still not exactly sure what I want, but obviously I'm working thru the question.  I'm putting myself out there again in the dating world, and given my age (45), potential partners will want a straight answer on this topic...

Obviously, as an older guy, the ready-made family is the most likely option, should I decide that I want that.  If I want to have my own biological children, the age of the mother is more of an issue, of course, since others have already pointed out that it's biologically more difficult for older women to have babies than for older men.  And frankly, all of this is less important to me than just finding a great woman that I really connect with.  But it's still something I'm thinking about.

Nonsense.   If you're ready to love some kids, go for it.

very succinct way to put it.

I hear you - we have both of our kids in college or grad school while we are now in our mid (OK, late) 40's.  I have some friends from HS who had their first kids at around 38 and 44.  They did a lot more things in their 20's and early 30's than I did, but no I have the time, health, and more importantly income to do things I could not have done back then.

I was 38 when my first was born and 40 when the second was born. I think I'm done but not because I think I'm too old to start now at 43.

I had my first child at 34 and her sister at 35.  (they are exactly 18 months apart) 

Had I had kids when I first wanted to (early 20's) they would be a mess, I am thankful for the years of infertility.....had time to grow up, deal with some issues.....get a better husband......voila, kids.

Have your kids as old as you want if you think you will be around long enough to raise them, but don't get ticked off when people assume you are the kids' grandparents. 

Given the nature of this particular forum another one of the usual issues is more moot, that being the question of whether one could 'keep up with the kids.'

I was older when I had my kids than my parents were, and in general I'd say that could be a trend. (At least amongst married couples.  The birth rate of unwed teens is probably canceling out that statistic.)  Better for society that you have your children old than as a child yourself.

-eric

I think a good portion of it depends on how young you feel.  Especially now in America where we are having so many issues with obesity, I think the parents should be able to get out and run and play with their children.  I'm guessing anyone on this site would be more than capable.

I would hope that any woman who decides to get pregnant later in life would be fully aware of the increased chances of having issues and is prepared to deal with them. I would think maturity would even out any issues that may arise.

I've enjoyed the responses to the whole thread.  As I was going to bed last night, I was trying to distill the whole conversation down, and came up with this.

You are never too old, or young to be a parent, as long as you are prepared to be a positive, lasting example for your children.

Okay, that's about as deep as I'll get for the day ... hmmm, what is my swim workout today ... 

i personally think 35 is it..

working in fitness, i see so much.. and talking with people. riskes are so much greater over 35.

not to mention you will be 53 when your child is 18.

i know two women that are prego.. both are over 40.. one is expecting twin and the pregnancies are wearing them out. they look miserable.

but bro..

if its what you and your lady want, go for it.

I just can't put a number on it. I think it has more to do with state of mind, financial stability, health etc of the individual.  I'm 33 and single so I don't forsee having kids before 35.  And while it's not what I thought I'd do growing up I certainly am happy with my life and think I would make a much better parent now then I would have at 25.  But, I also have a dad who at 64 has competed at Cyclocross nationals for the last 2 years and could kick my arse on a bike ride any day of the week even when I'm in my top cycling shape.  I ski with people in their upper 50s/60s who are nearly out-skiing me. 

On the other hand I have been a witness to the tragic death of a mother in her mid 30s who had 3 young children.  A virus attacked her heart and she died on Valentine's Day 3 years ago.  I think of her and her children often and am lucky enough that I get to see them a couple of times every ski season to check in.  You just never know when you have kids what will happen in life. If you have the love for a child, go for it.

So women shouldn't get pregnant after 40 because they look tired?  I guarantee you pregnancy is exhausting and miserable no matter how old you are and a multiple birth pregnancy is a special kind of miserable (I have a set of twins in addition to 2 singletons).  People should have children when they feel it is right for them.  Risks come with any pregnancy so I can't get on board with that argument either.  I will be 35 next week and we certainly are not done having kids yet.

This user's post has been ignored.

Who dresses that old man?

It's like Ed Hardy threw up all over the whole family.


I'd like to know about the risks after 35 the above poster mentioned.  I know I felt a LOT better in my last pregnancy at 37 than I did with my 2nd pregnancy at 25.

Uh...looking exhausted and miserable and uncomfortable is not really all that uncommon for an individual with another human being (or two) INSIDE OF THEM.

Huh. I am suprised at how young so many folks think the cutoff is. Interesting.

While I personally don't get why a 60 year old would want to have a kid, I don't think it's wierd or past some limit. No one knows how much time we'll have on this earth. I don't think that should be a huge criteria.

As long as you are aware of the health risks associated with pregancy at an older age (yours and the baby's), and are okay with it, go nuts.

Really glad I read this thread. Very inspiring to see so many people happily starting a family "later" in life.
I just turned 30 and even after being happily married for 11 years still can't decide if we want to be parents (kids are non-refundable). I feel like at least we still have some time now.

Yeah - talk to my mom who had all of her kids by 26.  She was ridiculously sick with all of us - there's no telling how well you and your body will handle pregnancy at any age.  It is a pretty major upheaval of the body.

I did not have my first child until I was 36 (honeymoon baby, referred to as our little souvenir).  I just didn't find the right guy until I was 35 so that was how it worked out.  I had no morning sickness, worked until 4 days before delivery and never missed a day of work because of the pregnancy.  Only challenge in the whole pregnancy was having to have a c-section due to breech presentation and he was 10 lbs. 

I will say that while I got pregnant the first month we tried, I was never able to get pregnant again after my son was born and we did two years of fertility treatments including in vitro. 

I do think deciding to have kids is a personal decision and it is hard to decide against it when family/friends put pressure on you, but stick to your guns no matter what the decision is since it is your life.

I had almost the same experience. My sister and I are both adopted. I was adopted when my Mom was 42 and my Dad 43. My sister was adopted when I was 6... therefore my Mom was 48 and my Dad was 49!

I used to go into my Mom's bedroom and watch her breathe. Because I was afraid of her dying. (She was only in her late 40's at that point...and didn't have any health concerns... but I saw my parents as OLD.)

I was lucky enough to have my Dad with us until I was 34. He was 78 when he died... just shy of his 79th birthday.

My Mom is still with us... and we're making plans to celebrate her 83rd birthday.

I see we have a case of selective to reading.. you focused on the fact i said they are worn out.. but not the fact that mentioned 'high risk pregnancies" and "if thats what you want go for it"

yes risks are with every pregnancy but greater the risk with age.. thats all i was saying..

You didn't quote me but I did ask what risks you are talking about?  You've said it twice now so surely you know.

Nope, not selective reading, just emphasis on certain parts of your post that stood out to me the most.  You didn't speak to any complications or risks these ladies were having due to their age, you said they looked tired and miserable.  I was countering that had nothing to do with their age so much as a state of being pregnant.

Edited by tricrazy 2011-01-26 1:37 PM