The "No Kids Club" (Page 4)

Of course, nobody considers themselves part of the problem.

I think it's great that there are women out there that know themselfs well enough to say they don't want kids.  I"m constantly amazed at the subtle pressure that is constantly there for my female friends wondering why they don't have "at least one" child.

It does seem odd that women are looked at different when they know they don't want kids as compared to the parents that should have never had kids in the first place

One the flip side.  in the dating world.  As a guy that does not want any children in the future.   It's amazing how fast I go from being considered datable to non datable when I say that.  Then again most women I'm around are in that 36-42 age range where they seem to be thinking they still have a chance to have kids.

I have two girls, ages 18 and 13. Love them to the edges of the earth. They're pretty awesome most of the time. But no question they are TON of work and VERY expensive. And if I said I wasn't looking forward to five years from now when both of them are out of high school and off to college (one already is), I'd be lying. I am. Very much so.

And although clearly I'm in the pro-kid camp personally, I have not one bit of ill will or judgement toward those who chose not to have them. IMO, it takes a lot of guts to admit that one does not want to have kids, since it is the "expected" thing to do. If a person knows themselves well enough to know they are the parenting type, and are not afraid to acknowlege that, then good for him/her!

Back when I was dating, in my mid-30's, I knew I did not want kids.   I would state it up front.  I knew it was a deal breaker both ways.  One guy actually said to me "oh - you just don't know what you want" as a dismissal of my statement.   ah- b'bye.  When I married at 39, my friends urged me to get busy because the window was closing.   ah - fine by me!   One of my friends asked my why I got married if I did not want to have kids.

In that I believe that I am making the decision in my best interests, yes, it is a selfish decision.   And I am ok with that. 

Not wanting kids because you like your life how it is, you have things you want to do and they will stop you from accomplishing your dreams IS selfish.  But that is TOTALLY ok.  This is America.  You are FREE to make your own decisions on how you want to live your life.  You are supposed to be selfish.  You are supposed to do what is best for you. 

I want kids...and probably for selfish reasons.  I want the experience and I think it will be good for me and for my life.  We are all just doing what we think is best for us.  It is selfish and there is nothing wrong with that.

Yep, I've had the same experience.   I've even said it myself:  "Too selfish to have kids"  - and I meant that most sincerely because it's true.   

The tricky part is that for some reason it's okay for others to call me selfish, but I assure you I CANNOT call them selfish for having them.  A total double-standard, even though it's how I feel. 

And I bet you get an earful about how to raise them, too!

(Cute little baby you've got there, by the way.  She has quite the sassy outfit!  I always admire it when I see you post something.)

I guess the real issue is people sticking their nose in other people's business, in a not very friendly or genuine kind of way. 

I am not sure how to respond.  I found out when I was 20 that I was unable to have children.  At the age of 20, I was doing everything I could to avoid having children (you are welcome Trojan et al.).  After I found out, it didn't really bother me.  It bothered my Mom and Dad a bit, becasue I am the only surviving male child in our family.  My Mom and Dad love me though, and know the reasons why I can't, so they are good with it. 

When I got married the first time I explained this to my (now) ex-wife and she was good with it.  She was an elementary school teacher and her response was - I have a whole classroom full of kids at work - I don't need more of them at home).  Seven years later and my (now) ex-wife wanted children.  She had no interest in adopting, so we were divorced. 

Later, I remarried a woman with two children from a previous marriage.  We have been together for 8 years and married for almost 5 and we did, at one point, talk about adopting, but decided against it.  So, I have a 16 year old and a 15 year old set of step-daughters (though I don't use the word "step"), so officially I do "have kids", but the relationship that we have is not the same as a father-daughter much of the time - mostly because of pressure that they get from their biological fathger and his family.  I think, in 5 years, the youngest has called me some form of Dad 4 times and I have received Father's Day cards less than half of the years.  The oldest will never call me any form of "Dad" becasue she feels like she would be turning her back on her Father. 

In any case - I never really had to consider whether or not to populate the universe with any of my damaged gene pool, so I don't know how to answer the poll.