Dating (Page 6)

The eternal "don't worry, I will change her/him" issue. A good relationship requires compromise  (for example, I wanted 3 kids, my wife 2, so we compromise and have 2 ); but personal choices people strongly believe in might not change, and when people think otherwise, then they are not listening to the conversation, and not taking their partner seriously. the problem here was that you were the only one being upfront. Your exes were saying "yes", but in the back of their minds they were saying "I can change that".

Also agree with the living in the moment philosophy. Been married for 6 yrs, I have a 3 and a 1 yr old (wouldn't change it for the world), and still appreciate every day and moment. Doen't mean I dont plan ahead, doesn't mean I don't talk about the future, but want to make sure I enjoy the moment first. BTW, met my wife on match.com, so the internet thing does work sometimes.

Interesting. Given biology I'd be inclined to hedge my bet a little and not be surprised if a woman changed her mind. I would never bank on that, but I think it's hard to resist DNA.

Some people just gotta procreate.

I tend to take people at face value. If you tell me you have no interest in being a father, I assume that means you have no interest in being a father. I don't assume it means you're just telling me what I want to hear or that, if I just give it enough time, you'll change your mind. Of course, people do change their minds (see story). We are animals and we do have a biological imperative that, at times, overrides our socialized responses.

Quite possibly, but would you base a marriage on expecting someone to change their mind about such a significant and life-changing issue? And then get mad if they didn't?

I wouldn't call it a shortcoming at all, you just know you and what you want in life. I would call that a virtue.

me too!  and oddly I'm a teacher that loves kids. But I have a very high standard as to what it means to be a parent, for me, since I see the result of bad parenting all the time. If I can't meet my standard, I don't deserve to have a child.

More people need to think about how much time and effort goes into raising kids. There is no shame in deciding not to, if that isn't what you want. It wasn't until I was 30 that my first kid was born. We had decided I needed to finish grad school, we needed to have real jobs, health benefits, a house, etc. When my first son was born he was really wanted, and we were ready for him.

I would take a woman at her word that she didn't want children, and if I did want children I'd move on.

If I did not want children I would not be completely shocked and angry if the woman who said she did not want children changed her mind. I might get a bit miffed if she insisted I father them and help her raise them.

Amen.  I'm pretty content with nephews and nieces.  I love kids but I'm too selfish in my wants to have kids as well.  That might change someday and I'm not opposed to children, they just don't fit in with my life in the foreseeable future.  On the other end, I wouldn't rule someone out just because they have kids, provided they aren't newborns.

I whole-heartedly agree.

I couldn't have conveyed my own personal thoughts any better.

I was in a relationship for 10 years... married for 4 of it.

It was not a great deal for me, and I realize now that I never should have gotten married in the first place. He was controlling, short tempered, obsessive compulsive and just plain mean. We did have some fun, in the beginning, and I clung to those memories and feelings. I gave them too much weight. When you're getting married in year 6, longing for the man you met in the beginning of year 1, things are just not right. Certainly there's a whole lot more to the story than just that... but believe me when I say I got married because it was expected and all of my friends were doing it. I would have been better off staying single.

So we got divorced. 

I was 35 and starting completely over. I buried myself in training for my first Half IM. Bought my own house, got my own thing going, moved, made some new friends, and got on with my life.

Met my best friend and soul mate on BT as well. We used to read each other's training logs. We had our first kiss October 7, 2006, a couple of weeks before he left for Kona. We got engaged at IMWI this past September. We are getting married in April. I consider myself extremely fortunate for having my match delivered to me so... easily.

I will say, however, that after my divorce I had a very clear vision of what I was looking for in a companion/boyfriend/whatever. I wasn't looking for a husband, but I was looking for a specific set of attributes and Chris happened to have them all and more.

There's happiness out there, people. I promise. I used to be the last person on the planet to believe it. Live your life. Be yourself. Keep your heart and mind open. You never know when someone perfect for you will come along.

I really like this part

This often seems to happen when you are busy doing the first part instead of looking for someone to be with.

Awesome!!!

Paws off Goggs.

I hate being lied to. Hate it. People who don't speak truthfully are gutless wonders. I find it impossible to like or respect someone who lies to me.