Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0 (Page 6)

Catching up on dating life....Met up with one guy for coffee and all he did was talk about himself and the investment property his dad gave him.  The only question he asked me was "do you file quarterly taxes?"....he's not even an accountant!  Had a good date last Sunday, we will see what happens there.  Last night's date, nice guy but he was too low energy for me.  Another first date tonight, one tomorrow, another on Thursday.  

Have also started hanging out with a guy from Masters swimming, but I think it's just a friendship thing....although we went for brunch yesterday and he opened the car door for me....

On the positive side, my body finally dropped 3 pounds and my abs are starting to show lol  I did a 2 week de-tox, tough to date and de-tox!

Single again...

Girlfriend has been distant recently due to a super-heavy workload.  The rare time we did spend together, was either to go to church, go for a run, or sit in her kitchen and do some work together at the table.  She had a bit of a break and was going to Palm Springs with some of her friends to hike Joshua Tree and invited me to come.  Despite her growing distant, she said she really wanted me to come because we needed time to catch up.

From the instant I arrived at the hotel (she got in a few hours earlier) she just seemed in another world.  Would hardly talk to me and would pull away when I tried to hold her hand or anything.  Fine, she's really really tired.  The next morning after breakfast, we went to the park as a group.  Same thing.  I couldn't figure out what was going on, but seemed like everyone else was in on it.

Later that afternoon when we had some time alone, I asked her if we were okay.  She explained that work was draining her, that she had no feelings towards me.  (background, is that we'be been friends for several years and were kind of trying the dating thing...for the 2nd time).   I said I wanted to preserve our friendship above all else and asked if she wanted to forget the idea of dating.  She said no because once she got past this time she was hoping the feelings would return.  Against my better judgement, I said that's okay.  Really did see a future with her and was willing to sacrifice a few months for the long-term.  I felt silly coming all the way from Chicago to Palm Springs to spend the weekend getting the cold shoulder.  I felt like an intrusion and said it might be best if I just caught a flight home Saturday instead of waiting until Sunday.  She said nonsense and that dinner would be fun.  After our talk, we went down to the pool and she was giving me some details on her work and research to help me understand what she was doing.

Dinner was not fun.  It was like a switch was flipped and everything I said was wrong.  I realized she was being fueled by her friends, but too late.  I don't drink very much (and never anything stronger than beer).  But wine sounded like a good idea.  I had about 2 glasses, then switched and had a glass of beer.  Her and her friends started pushing my buttons.  In hindsight, I feel this was a setup of some sort.  I don't want to believe that, but it sure felt that way.  Eventually, I'd had enough, gave her money to cover my meal and drinks and went back to the hotel wishing I'd never come.  I woke the next morning to a farewell note.  Said I was childish by leaving dinner.  This a mere few hours after having her tell me she no longer felt anything towards me.  I think she felt guilty breaking up with me and needed me to be the bad guy to justify it.  If that's the case, I walked right into it.  Or maybe subconsciously, I really was the bad guy to free her.  I don't know.  

But as funny as this sounds, I was confused when I read the note, but not upset.  I think I had already come to terms that it was over, but was willing to giver her time to figure out what she wanted.  I felt a very negative and heavy weight pulled off my shoulders.  As she became more and more stressed, she became more angry (and sometimes just plain mean).  The negative entry was almost too much to handle and the good I saw in her was disappearing week by week.  So in the end, it's a good thing.  I'm not happy that it happened like this (she lives 3 blocks away, so I didn't need to come to California for her to play her games).  I went through the stages of grief surprisingly fast and by the time I got in the car, I was feeling pretty good and relieved.  As much as it hurt to have her literally throw me away like this, I was pleased to learn early enough who she really is on the inside and was able to get out scar-free without any baggage.

Having said that, it's time to focus on me for a little bit and work on being the best version of me possible.

Dude you and me both! What's up with farewell notes?

was it on a post it?

Seriously though, that is a scheme that was used against me once.  Pick fights till you over react, and then you're the bad guy. Not mature at all.  And really crummy that she was trying to play both sides with you.

he's a dude - he doesn't know that reference!!!

As long as it doesn't come off as creepy/stalkerish, like hey I've been hanging out in the produce section all day waiting for you - kind of thing - that's questionable. If you're genuine and sincere and not pushy I think it would be refreshing to be approached.

Sex in the City should be required viewing for all men. They'd understand women a lot better.

I am a dude and I knew the reference. Berger, right?

@Julio - Sorry that happened, man.  That's rough.  My longest relationship was ended mostly due to her being influenced by her friends.  It's unfortunate that she felt the need to drag you out of town to do it though.

@dixrp re: approaching women - Confidence is key! Have an idea of what you want to talk about before you approach them.  If you freeze within the first few seconds, then it's over already.  Like Teejaay said, look for indicators of interest.  Honestly if this is someone who you met in passing at a grocery store, restaurant, etc. then you can probably talk to them just long enough for them to show interest.  Once you get to that point, ask for her number and then move on once you get it.  No need to get into a 30 min conversation to make this happen.

I secretly believe that a woman decides within 5-10 seconds whether or not she is willing to give you her number.

Well done. Slow clap for you.

I think that might be generous;)

+1 on being confident, and there is a big difference between cocky and confident.  It's also important to be genuinely interested and not a dude who rolls through on a mission to chat up and number rack. Women worth your time can tell the difference.

My date tonight, the one that rescheduled from Fri, rescheduled on me again! Til a week from Thurs! Valid reasons but very annoying when juggling a sitter. Probably forget about him by then. Lol.

Re the possible incompatible kisser: not closing the door on him yet. Too many positives and there are other reasons why it might not have gone better. I see him again on Fri.

Edited by mighty mom 2013-04-29 7:41 PM

31.

Good luck tonight!!!!!

Give feedback on the kissing in a polite and fun way.  That was another thing about ExGirlfriend.  She was a horrible kisser and I never spoke up.

Bowtie Boy is making me dinner tonight, and we're going to another charity event Saturday night. Can't wait to learn more about him..!

Nice! 

As an update on my end, Kickball girl is watching Ironman 3 with me this weekend.  I'm excited that summer blockbuster season is starting up.  Between triathlon and movies, late spring and summer is definitely my favorite time of the year.

currently am sick sore throat, cold, and allergies is no fun. 

Trying to get better for a century on Saturday with a Derby party and Cinco de Mayo party that night, plus marathon training program Sunday am, hunter pace with the horse Sunday afternoon, and a party for a friend Sunday night.

 So I better get healthy, its a busy weekend ahead!

No big plans, my parents are going to be in town.

Meeting the kids of the girl I'm dating.  Should be fun!