In an attempt to save CoJ from boredom...

You mean the old guy that posts on BT?  

If he's on a bike, he's got me. At the Rev3 Oly in Knoxville this year he passed me on the bike like I was going backwards.

If he's running, I'm out the door, have it locked and a few 2x4's nailed over it with time left over to make a sandwich.

If you (or anyone else) was in the room with me...I could.  Because I would not have to beat the bear, but you.  And I Cheat!

Yup......I could definitely outrun my co-worker next to me.

If a bear was in this tiny office with me, I'd be a gonner!

Since my lunch is sitting right next to me... I'd throw that first and have plenty of time.

I'd have no chance.  This is a big office, with not many doors...  and they're locked by magnets, and they take a second to unlock when you get there.  I may make it to the door, but that extra second would not be my friend.

At least I'd be a good meal for that bear.   

Some folks say there ain't no bears in arkansas
Some folks never seen a bear at all
Some folks say that bears go around eating babies raw
Some folks got a bear across the hall

Some folks say that bears go around smelling bad
Others say that a bear is honey sweet
Some folks say this bear's the best I ever had
Some folks got a bear beneath their feet

Some folks drive the bears out of the wilderness
Some to see a bear would pay a fee
Me I just bear up to my bewildered best
And some folks even see the bear in me

So meet a bear and take him out to lunch with you
And even though your friends may stop and stare
Just remember that's a bear there in the bunch with you
And they just don't come no better than a bear

-L. Lovett

Depends on what type of bear we're talking about.  If it's a Sun Bear I'd probably just grab it by the paws, make it smack it's own face and say "why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself..."  If it was a Polar Bear I'd throw it the steak I keep hidden under my desk in case we ever have a mtn lion loose in our office and hope that distraction gave me enough time to get to the door. 

My dog is in the room so I have a chance.  But there is no "door" in this room, just a wide opening.  I'd have to make it out to the living room and out the front or back door.  I'm still counting on the dog.

you guys must be important....i dont have a door

Is the bear a liberal or a conservative?

How does he feel about welfare programs?

Is he a fan of Obama and Pelosi?

What religion if any does he align himself with.

I'm sorry but without answers to these questions, I cannot answer yours!

Also I am pretty sure you are just trying to seperate the bleeding heart liberals who would give their life to feed a hungry bear even though he can't or won't hold a job, from the staunch conservatives who wouldn't have to run at all because they have a loaded .38 in their desk drawer. Really, you could just ask people where they stand instead of using the old smoke a mirrors tricks!

The short answer would be no...   The thought going through my mind as the bear is eating me would be in a day or so, I will be a pile of Bear droppings in the woods.  *sigh* 

Edited by rtvegas 2010-08-18 1:32 PM

Dude Really!!! Get a Big Boy gun!!!

But then you're hosed when a mountain lion gets loose.

Hmmm, you're right.  Better get an extra steak.  Like my grandpa used to say, you can never have too many steaks hidden under your desk.

I am in a huge office filled with catacombs of cubicals. I would be able to leap over partitions from the desks to different rows and escape the bear.

 

 

If Tony was in the room with me I would make sure to knock him down in the path of the bear. I like throwing Tony under the bus… or in front of a bear if at all possible.

Edited by Big Appa 2010-08-18 1:33 PM

Yeah but you'd have to catch me first to throw me down. And I'm faster. You would become bear food. Carameled Appa.

pfftttt 

I work at a golf course.  In the center of the shop is our putter display.  I'd grab my favorite Odyssey Putter (Teron) and whack that mother right in the labanza with the pointy end of the putter.  I ain't runnin'.

Seriously - even I am on trinnas's side.  A .38?  Don't let the bear grab you by the skirt on the way out the door there, nancy.

Anyway, this is the number one reason I work with students and residents.  Someone to throw at the bear, and then make my escape.  Age and guile will always win over youth and agility.

I haven't gotten to the solution yet...I am still trying to figure out why and how the bear got into my office without me noticing.  Must've been an inside job cuz there is no way it got through security and through several key coded doors on it's own.  Who is the traitor in the office that hates me that bad?  What did I do to them?  If I get out of this alive, how do I determine who the traitor is?  Do I just go around the office and ask if anyone noticed the big bear in my office?  Is the first one to laugh the traitor?