Online Dating

Do NOT give your home address...

With that, I did meet my wife on match.  And I have to say that despite the newer technology, there is something very old fashion about sharing emails before meeting.  Very "Waltonsy" with the exception for the horse delivering the love letter.  I was attracted to her writing style and mind before I met her in person. 

He started something with another woman. He was flirting with her but when something grew into more with the other woman he dumped her off FB.

What site is she using and how old is she?

I think some sites are waaay different, in terms of expectations and the crowds they attract, than others. Also based on the past few "dating" threads, the tone varies by region even on the same dating site.

I ask the age because I think the "younger" generations strongly prefer texting/emailing and see a phone conversation as quickly taking it to the next level. TOO SOON! Plus, people like me simply hate to talk on the phone, I find this very common with my age (33) and younger.

I too met my wife on match.com. I echo the no home address warning, and I'd go so far as to say no Facebook friending either. No personal family info, no work location details, no personal finance info (salary, etc.). You have to treat these potential dates as complete strangers, becasue they are, even if they have a cute smile and write a great email. Beyond that people really need to use good judgement and trust their instincts. No matter how funny or charming a guy may be, if there's "just something about him" that doesn't seem right, it isn't.

 I got to the point where I found it best to meet sooner rather than later. I had more than one occasion where, as stilgarnaib mentioned, I was attracted to a woman's writing style, her wit, etc. We'd email and talk on the phone and took way too long to meet in person. Once we did it was very disappointing when there was no physical attraction. The point is to meet someone with whom you want to have an actual relationship which is much more than words or voices. Yeah, exchanging clever emails for days on end, or talking on the phone late into the night does have that old fashioned romance, but in the long run it's best to meet face to face relatively soon.

I think Match and eHarmony are the traditional ones. Folks in the "dating" thread here in COJ have had some luck on OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish. There are also ones that are solely for "hooking up" - I (ahem) don't know the names of those. Fitness Singles is a great concept but just doesn't have the user base to be worth the cost.

My advice is to be patient. I think some people expect to meet their soul mate in the first few days/weeks of being on a site and get frustrated when they don't. It's just like in real life... you'll meet some great guys, some losers, and everything in between. It's just a different venue for meeting single people - you still have to have your filters set on high.

I'm on farmersonly.com

By farmers, for farmers.

I met my BF on Match.com.  I think the key is to be 100% honest what you are looking for in a partner.  No generic "I like to go camping" or "I like the outdoors".  I spelled it out with, "I'm going to be on my bike for 3-4 hours every Sat afternoon.  You can either come with me or have a steak on the grill ready for me when I get back."  "I like going camping- I think of them as great training weekends."

What attracted me to his profile was that in his photos he was doing *something*.  Either on his bike, mtn climbing, ect.  The one photo he was just standing for was one of him in a race t-shirt!  No duck-face or photos with girls in them.

I think we spent a week emailing back and forth, one phone call and then we met.  No texting, no naughty anything.  I also made sure not to answer his emails right away- maybe gave it 12ish hour 'cooling down' period...I didn't want to seem desperate or anything!  First date was a 30mi ride and brunch- we met in a public location.

I have to agree with a pp- no Facebook right away- that can wait until you are only dating each other

How long had they been FB friends?  I've met girls online, that have added me on Facebook, but as soon as I start looking at their profiles, I realize that their online profile was either a lie, or the pics that they posted on the dating website were not actual representations of what they actually look like.  So yeah, I could understand that response if that was the case. 

I met my husband online while he was deployed.  We struck up conversations through email, and talked when we could, but he was in Qatar at the time, so the calls were at like 2 am.  We knew after a few months that we were in love.  I know this sounds corny, but he literally ordered an engagement ring for me from overseas, called my dad from overseas to ask if he could marry me, and I got the ring in the mail. 

We had never met, and as soon as he came off the plane from deployment was the first time we laid eyes on each other, drove to TN, got married that same day, and are getting ready to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary.  I know it is a crazy story, but we knew and we are stronger than we have ever been.  We had a long time to get to know each other while he was overseas, and were able to take our time and be honest.  

I don't think a lot of online dating services people are honest about their needs.  I hope she finds someone who will respect her, it sounds like this one wasn't meant to be.  I'm sorry she went through that!  

Honesty's the best policy.  I had a buddy a bunch of years ago try the online dating thing.  He put his pic and info up...just a few blips once in a great while.

He finally put up his salary range (pretty dang high), and wouldn't ya know...BING-BING-BING!!!  It was a sad day for all of us...I mean you go through life thinking women in general are looking for something beyond money, but ...

To keep things fair, as bad as the women were with his money, he was with their looks!  So, we'll call it a draw!  

He eventually married a chick from his worksite.

Not saying those women weren't out for the money, but Match for example tells you outright that the more often you update your profile the higher you'll appear in searches and more often you'll be 'matched' with people. I notice this every time I change something, even very small, in my profile. Absolutely bombarded with emails for about a week after.

I get this vibe as well. I'm sure there's a LOT of that going around. As well as people THINKING about it and flirting but not wanting to actually follow through and cross the line of physically meeting someone or more.

As silly as it sounds she just needs to be herself.   Since they let anyone use the internet these days and online dating isn't really cost prohibted based or based on mental capicity , she is going to run into a few  lots of weird ones.

I just started the whole online dating thing this year and from my perspective, if a lady doens't give me her number after a couple of emails, I put her in the catagory of someone wanting an online friend only or is just too busy.  nothing bad but I just move on.  So I totally agree with getting on the phone sooner rather than later,, If I get on the phone and actually talk with them I will end up meeting them,, if it's a text only thing it usually dies down after a few days.  Also?After a few days of texting/talking if the both of us can't find some spare time to meet briefly, in the next couple of weeks,  I'll just let them know when their schedule frees up and if they are still interested to get back in touch.  Same for me, If my schedule gets really busy I'll let them know that I am interested but busy for a bit, just so they know.

 as far as topics to avoid??  I just focus on hobbies, work, great vacations they have taken or would like to. and general life things.  So I'm not really avoiding certain topics but I keep it general.   I woundn't FB friend someone even after a few dates.  I'm pretty selective on FB and have my profile as hidden as I can get it.

  While everyone is different and what I might consider too personal others won't,  But topic wise things that freaked me out in the first couple of emails, telling me that your widowed for some reason freaked me out, asking me my yearly income also seemed odd, even for dallas,, usually they ask my job title and car I drive.   Asking me for any sort of help, financiall or handyman stuff.    But really if I think I like the person my tolerance is much different to someone that we don't seem to have a connection going.

I'll play. You've read by blog, and obviously there are douchey men (AND douchettes) abound in the dating world but I've also gone on dates with great guys. There just wasn't any attraction. From personal experience, I would say the big things with online communication before meeting is:

1.) Your profile is how you market/advertise yourself. If you come off boring in your profile, men will assume you are boring (not saying it is right) but no one wants to date boring. (Maybe if you are an accountant....I kid, I kid Not saying to lie or over exaggerate but an honest but catchy profile with lots of pictures is what is going to catch his eye. Yeah, def don't lie or over exaggerate......it's just embarrassing when you get called out. 

2.) Don't FB each other right away, especially if you haven't met in person. I would wait awhile. FB allows people to get a personal and deeper insight on your life. What is the fun in that? That's the whole part of dating, getting to know each other, ect. It is so much sweeter via personal interaction vs social network. I have yet to FB any of the guys I've gone on dates with.

3.) Don't talk about sex before meeting. No sexting, dirty talk, exchanging of nudie pics, ect in the beginning, especially before mtg. I'm a big believer in the first time a man sees me naked is in person.....not a nudie pic. No, I'm not a prude but if a guy is asking for all that right off the bat he wants one thing and one thing only. He's not looking for a relationship, he just want NSA booty call. Move on.

4.) Keep texts and emails fairly surface level. Don't over share on life details. No one wants to hear how F'ing terrible your day was or about your hemrrhoids via email/text when you don't know them. No talks about your ex, kids, marriage, finance, ect. Also, any sort of negativity will be completely amplified over text/email. So keep it positive, no , moaning or griping.

5.) Don't settle. Don't pretend or act to be someone you are not so that person will like you.  Don't be fake in the sake of "catching him" or be desperate. Men can smell that a mile a way. Confidence in yourself and living a happy life is the key.  

Yes, there is a good deal of filtering of the d-bags on internet dating sites as well, but I actually find it much easier to go on dates through the internet. I have had my fair share of jerks, but I will say 90% of guys that start emailing me ask for my number, and those that I start texting/talking on the phone, 100% ask me out on a face to face date. I do prefer to text, I'm just not a phone talker. I prefer texting or face to face meetings. 

Just my 2 cents.

Traveling.  I have not had a match that didn't "love traveling".  

AbbieR - 2012-06-02 11:36 PM The online dating world is a bizarre thing.  Karen, you know I have had my bizarre and odd stories   Personally I will exchange 2-3 emails and then I tell the guy I want to chat.  If he is not up for talking I move on, I want to meet/date, not have an email pen-pal!  I avoid doing FB with any of them.

I agree with the 2-3 messages point.  I'm on eHarmony, and if I've gotten through all 3 question phases and emailed about twice, then I'm ready to set something up. 

But all that's ok after meeting? Inquiring minds want to know.