My husband doesn't want me to this because......
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New user![]() | ![]() Okay, this is a new one to me what do you guys & gals think? My husband was looking on line last night for tri bike and gear for me because I'm wanting to get in to this. Well, he comes across this article about triathlons and drowning. Well, now he's having second thoughts about me doing this. WTH????? The article talked about underlying heart conditions such as arrhythmia being stimulated during the adrenaline & excitment of racing. If you pass out due to the arrhythmia while your in the water then you drown. Yes I do occassionally have arrhythmia but I've never passed out from them and they are NOT ventricular so it's not a problem. I'm just crushed. How hard is it to train without your spouses support? I mean really. If it's my time to go it's time to go whether I'm in the lake, my car or falling off my sofa. Give me a break! Ugh! This is so frustrating. Has anyone ever been at a race and someone drowned? Ugh! Sorry for the rant but I am livid! |
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Pro ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Ask him if he is going to start driving you around town each day ... I am not sure of the exact odds but suspect that you have a greater chance of getting hit driving while holding a winning lottery ticket than you do of drowning during a race. |
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Master ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() i'd check with a doc about your activity levels and explain your wants in your training. He/She shuld be able to give you a better outlook on the probabilities of complications during tri intensities. While i'm sure the risk is there for bad things to happen...it's just like any other sport. There are safety boats in the water to asst you. and I'm sure the process isnt flawless but they are there to help best they can. |
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Champion ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Yes, people drown at races. It happens. Could you calm his fears by saying you will only do pool swim races? That way, IF you were to go down in the water someone would notice immediately and pull you out? Do a few pool swims and once he sees that it's not that scary... he might be OK with you doing open water. I would also suggest you getting a Swim Safe aid (it's a belt you wear and you pull a cord if you think you are going to drown and it becomes a life belt)... BUT if you pass out you won't be able to pull the cord. Since you occasionally have that issue, I can see where his fear might be a resonable one. If you were a healthy person who this had never happened to (passing out or not)... then it would be silly. As it stands though, he has a right to be fearful. Do pool swims. Compromise. |
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New user![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Maybe you can baby your husband into it by doing some tris that have pool swims then slowly doing one outdoors that are less than 750 meters swim then progressing from there. I think that the more that he see you doing it and other people doing it the more comfortable he will be. His lack of support is an ignorance of the sport so if he sees you out there doing it without problems at shorter distances, he might become educated enough in the sport that the reistance may be less over time. I think that this is akin to a first time parent where they baby the first born a bit. Once the 10th child arrives, no one gives a hoot if the child decides to tatoo his/her forehead ![]() |
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New user![]() | ![]() I understand his fear also so I'm not unreasonable but I've been checked and checked and rechecked. The cardiologist has never "seen" any cardiac events on my ECG, or anything. I only feel it and I haven't had an episode in a LONG LONG time. My cardiologist says not to worry. I guess I just have to aleviate his fears. I mean he races a dirt track car occassionaly, he could die doing that. I'm just frustrated. |
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Champion ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() trybaby2010 - 2009-07-09 9:51 AM I understand his fear also so I'm not unreasonable but I've been checked and checked and rechecked. The cardiologist has never "seen" any cardiac events on my ECG, or anything. I only feel it and I haven't had an episode in a LONG LONG time. My cardiologist says not to worry. I guess I just have to aleviate his fears. I mean he races a dirt track car occassionaly, he could die doing that. I'm just frustrated. Do pool swims. If you were to go down someone would see you quickly. I know in our lakes here (Texas) they are murky, if someone were to drown, no one would notice and it would take days to find the body. Marriage = compromise. Find the middle ground to make you both happy. (Note: I am not married because I would not be OK with my someone telling me I can't do something and I wouldn't want to compromise.) |
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![]() | ![]() KSH - 2009-07-09 10:08 AM Marriage = compromise. Find the middle ground to make you both happy. (Note: I am not married because I would not be OK with my someone telling me I can't do something and I wouldn't want to compromise.) Yeah I have an issue with being told I can't do something, and I don't think I would ever tell my SO they couldn't do something. Isn't marriage (and relationships in general) also about being supportive? |
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Member![]() ![]() | ![]() Is your beloved telling you not to do it, or that he isn't sure he likes the idea? I can totally see where he is coming from. It is very scarey to see the person you love most in life do something that might be dangerous or deadly for them. My husband is a deployed soldier, I know! I totally agree with everyone, and though I know next to nothing about this sport, the pool idea seems good to me. ![]() |
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Pro ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() halfpint - 2009-07-09 9:45 AM i'd check with a doc about your activity levels and explain your wants in your training. He/She shuld be able to give you a better outlook on the probabilities of complications during tri intensities. While i'm sure the risk is there for bad things to happen...it's just like any other sport. There are safety boats in the water to asst you. and I'm sure the process isnt flawless but they are there to help best they can. I would do this but take it one step further and make sure that your husband goes with you. The doctor will explain the risks and the benefits of the exercise you are doing. If your husband has specific concerns or thoughts about the risks he can get an objective opinion. He may feel differently hearing it from an outside party. |
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![]() I'm sure he just doesn't want to lose you. I don't think that's a bad thing. Go to a doc, tell them what you would like to do, and have the doc tell you "yes, you can do that and it should not be a problem." |
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Master![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() ChrisM - 2009-07-09 11:36 AM I'm sure he just doesn't want to lose you. I don't think that's a bad thing. exactlyGo to a doc, tell them what you would like to do, and have the doc tell you "yes, you can do that and it should not be a problem." |
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New user![]() | ![]() I will say that the first open water swim in a race was different than anything I had ever experienced. I had trained in open water with no issues. On race day, I don't know what happened. The first 100 yards seemed to take an eternity. I got hit, kicked, pushed, off course, disoriented, and couldn't breathe. I got passed up by the wave behind me, and they started two minutes after we did. I had to stop and catch my breath about 6 ytimes in a 400 meter swim. Coming out of the water I started to rethink whether or not triathlon was for me. My next race I asked to be seeded in the last wave, just in case. I ended up passing everyone in my wave, the wave ahead of us, AND catching the wave ahead of them. It all of a sudden just "clicked". Ever since then, my open water swims have been enjoyable, and I actually look forward to them. When it comes to my wife, I'm the same way as your husband. I'm willing to take risks with my own body, but I don't want her taking risks. It's a feeling of having no control over her safety, and my job as husband is to keep her & the family safe (it's a guy thing!). I like that she's taken up running, but I don't want her running by herself because something could happen to her. So I run with her whenever I can. Ask him to be your training partner, and agree that you will swim side by side during open water training and racing. That way he'll know if something happens to you. After the first few training swims, he will probably realize that you're okay to go on your own. Promise him that you'll swim on the outside of the pack, closest to the safety boats. Help him see that you are excited about this, and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make him feel safe. |
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New user![]() | ![]() He hasn't said it's out of the question I know it's just general concern. He is scared of the water so swimming makes him nervous anyway. We work really well together so that's a non issue but I'm wondering how likely this whole drowning issue is. |
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New user![]() | ![]() caedenspa - 2009-07-09 10:42 AM I will say that the first open water swim in a race was different than anything I had ever experienced. I had trained in open water with no issues. On race day, I don't know what happened. The first 100 yards seemed to take an eternity. I got hit, kicked, pushed, off course, disoriented, and couldn't breathe. I got passed up by the wave behind me, and they started two minutes after we did. I had to stop and catch my breath about 6 ytimes in a 400 meter swim. Coming out of the water I started to rethink whether or not triathlon was for me. My next race I asked to be seeded in the last wave, just in case. I ended up passing everyone in my wave, the wave ahead of us, AND catching the wave ahead of them. It all of a sudden just "clicked". Ever since then, my open water swims have been enjoyable, and I actually look forward to them. When it comes to my wife, I'm the same way as your husband. I'm willing to take risks with my own body, but I don't want her taking risks. It's a feeling of having no control over her safety, and my job as husband is to keep her & the family safe (it's a guy thing!). I like that she's taken up running, but I don't want her running by herself because something could happen to her. So I run with her whenever I can. Ask him to be your training partner, and agree that you will swim side by side during open water training and racing. That way he'll know if something happens to you. After the first few training swims, he will probably realize that you're okay to go on your own. Promise him that you'll swim on the outside of the pack, closest to the safety boats. Help him see that you are excited about this, and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make him feel safe. This makes total sense. You are right, it is a guy thing and I totally respect that. As I said in my other post water makes him nervous so swimming is out for him. He wants to follow me a kayak when I practice which I'm totally cool with. I know it will all work out and he will be fine but it's just the thought of something happening that scares the daylights out of him. I'll do a couple pool swims and see how they go, get checked out and ease his fears. It's kind of nice to know he still cares so much after almost 12 years ![]() |
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Extreme Veteran ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() He doesn't mind you bike riding? I think that part is way more risky than the swim part. But I'm not sure I would use that as an argument. |
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Extreme Veteran ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Not to hijack, but there are tons of articles on how runner's die in races every year because of heart issues or preexisting conditions that athletes are aware of or choose to ignore. That chance won't change just because you are in the water. If it helps, I agree with having him come with you to a few swims to show him you will be fine. Then again, there are dangers to living your every day life that are far less beneficial to your health than exercise and you do them every day (i.e. walking down the street, driving a car, etc.). Good luck and I hope you get to 'tri' soon! |
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Veteran ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() ChrisM - 2009-07-09 10:36 AM I'm sure he just doesn't want to lose you. I don't think that's a bad thing. Go to a doc, tell them what you would like to do, and have the doc tell you "yes, you can do that and it should not be a problem." X2. Definitely go see your doctor and get the okay first. Then just talk it over sensibly with him. Most races offer red caps for weaker swimmers. If you wear one of those and then even tell the RD about your condition, he/she might be willing to have one of the kayakers pay special attention to you. |
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Veteran ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() Talk to doctor, bring husband along. Don't be silly and do pool swims and such to placate his overactive childlike imagination. He is acting weird. My wife was scared, but I assured her there are always lots of people in canoes there to help anyone in trouble. We went to a triathlon that I wasn't in just to see what it was like. She was fine. |
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Veteran![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() I may be totally out of line here and alone in my opinion, but I stopped getting "told what to do" when I was 18. I realize family and health concerns are important, esp. with kids, but wow, i totally balked when i read that your husband was going to decide that could or could not do a triathlon. IMHO, you have more likelihood of getting in a fatal car wreck every day than dying in a triathlon. I hope you decide to do it and do it because YOU want to, not because someone else "let" you. (again- i don't know all the circumstances, so this is only my opinion) Get it done, i believe in you and will support you along with everyone on this site! p.s. I also have an irregular heartbeat and got the all-clear from my doc, i'm running my 4th tri of the summer in 2 days ![]() Edited by gonnafinish plscheer 2009-07-09 1:10 PM |
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Expert![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() ChrisFL - 2009-07-09 1:50 PM Well.....I hear you....have my own challenges with my own dh in regards to triathlons. But there is something I want to share on this topic. In marriage we're always to seek out the best for each other.....to truly desire the best for our spouses. Sometimes that means putting aside our own worries and fears (which are often control based and irrational) and supporting our spouse in their dream. For me..... I rest in the knowledge that God is in control. If I'm gonna die and drown on the swim portion of the tri then I believe that was my time anyway. (and what a way to go doing something you love vs dying of old age in a nursing home!) Sometimes that means putting a dream of our own on hold temporarily or even permanently. With that said- not everyone feels the way I do. Certainly my own husband does not. I think if my husband outright asked me not to do triathlons for the reason that your husband is giving I would see if there was a way I could soothe his fears by going to a doctor and having him hear from someone other than you that you're going to be okay. Which of course as we all know does not mean that tommorow when you drive to work or the grocery store you won't get hit by a truck. We have no control in life but many people have the illusion in life that they do. I totally understand your frustration and feel it myself. That usually leads to anger for me to and then we're not in a very good place. For me personally and this is after alot of prayer on this very topic (because my husband is not thrilled w/me doing triathlons....well training....haven't actually done any yet!) if the strife becomes too much then I'd put the relationship above the dream. But that's just me. There are other dreams and other ways to attain the dream you desire but it might not come in the full form of a triathlon. Marriage though- I have to keep that sacred and keep the foundation strong and keep the peace. I think sometimes we do have to make a choice even though it seems crazy to have to do so. I get jealous, VERY jealous of other couples who are totally OK with one spouse doing tri's or if both spouses are into doing tri's. But that's not good either. For now my husband isn't saying "don't do it". He's tolerating it and I'm praying that that changes to support and encouragement in the very near future. He can certainly see how happy it makes me so I'm hoping!!! I'm sorry you are feeling that your dream is being zapped out. Maybe it isn't....acknowledge his fears.....validate how he's feeling......let him know you are thankful for the magnitude of his love (and that is awesome he would never want to lose you!) and then see what happens. take care- Christine Good luck on getting him to actually support your training/racing. It's important. Any chance he would train with you? I had the idea of doing tri's from a guy I work with, started training, then all of a sudden, my wife is too. It went from 'you're riding 2 hours without me', to 'good quality time together'...Even though for 10 years she "couldn't run" because of her knees, she started running (she hates the run but loves it as it's part of a tri)... It was something for us to do together. We have 4 young kids and we know the risks are there with riding the bike on the road. One of the guys we do an annual long ride with died in a training crash this year. We know that crazy things happen with the swim....but it's part of living. We ENJOY this stuff.....At what point do you say "that risk is too great"? Maybe if he took part his views would change. Cheers, Scott |
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Master![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() tuan2u - 2009-07-09 9:49 AM I think that this is akin to a first time parent where they baby the first born a bit. Once the 10th child arrives, no one gives a hoot if the child decides to tatoo his/her forehead ![]() How many siblings do you have? Seriously though, to the OP-My wife has made it abundantly clear that I am not to die young. As far as I can tell, healthy training and occasional triathlons are a better option than being afraid of the potential consequences of exercise. Life it dangerous. People die from head injuries in the bathtub and shower every year. I still rather be clean. |
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Master![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() I've attached an article on this subject, below. But the bigger issue is trust and control. He seems to have no problem pursuing risky hobbies, but doesnt want you to do something thats probably less risky? Not sure of that logic. We all have to live our lives. There is risk of dying every time we walk out the door, or wake up in the morning, or anything for that matter. Maybe you can offer to have him volunteer and be in a kayak during the swim portion of the race? That way, he can watch you the whole time to make sure you're safe. And yes, the offer to go to the doc for clearance and bring him with you seems like a good idea.
http://www.whec.com/article/stories/S854165.shtml?cat=577
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Extreme Veteran![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() | ![]() I totally know how you feel my hubby felt the same way, but, his big concern was the bike rides, so i just stay local when i am on my own and that eases his mind, as for the swimming i was the one who had fears so i hired a swim coach to help me until i felt confident, I agree with the others do pool swims for your first race, good luck give him a hug and let him know your glad he cares so much. Sarah |
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