Other Resources My Cup of Joe » Divorce/kids/name change Rss Feed  
Moderators: k9car363, the bear, DerekL, alicefoeller Reply
 
 
of 2
 
 
2006-05-04 11:38 AM

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.


2006-05-04 11:45 AM
in reply to: #414768

Buttercup
14334
500050002000200010010010025
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

Your little girl is a hoot! A hoot!!! What a great head she has on her shoulders.

Screw everyone else. What do you want to do?

I reclaimed my maiden/family name/individual identity.

In Italy, Spain and South America, wives don't even change their last names.

2006-05-04 11:46 AM
in reply to: #414768

Extreme Veteran
760
5001001002525
Provo, UT (my heart is in Seattle)
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
I know a few people that went through divorce. Only one of them kept their married last name. I say that your child is wise beyond her years. Ultimately, it depends upon what you personally want to do though.

2006-05-04 11:57 AM
in reply to: #414768

Champion
6786
50001000500100100252525
Two seat rocket plane
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

My folks divorced, my mom reverted to her maiden name, then re-married, taking the name of my stepfather who has since died. She's back to the name she was born with.

Good for her I say.

It's your name, I don't see how anyone could "be against it". That is truly no business of theirs.

Why would want to keep your married name?

2006-05-04 12:03 PM
in reply to: #414768

Queen BTich
12411
500050002000100100100100
,
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
I don't see why you shouldn't change your name back and I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your ex, but what does his opinion matter.
2006-05-04 12:06 PM
in reply to: #414768

St. Louis, MO
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
If my child said to me what your's said to you, I'd have no problem changing my name. Her comments speak loads about the great job you are doing in raising her- keep it up.

Edited by slovegreen 2006-05-04 12:07 PM


2006-05-04 12:10 PM
in reply to: #414799

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.

Edited by Zilla 2006-05-04 12:12 PM
2006-05-04 12:16 PM
in reply to: #414768

Runner
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
Sounds like your daughter has no qualms about it. So, you got her opinion on it, which is really the one you wanted, not anyone else's, and not ours. Sounds like she's gonna be fine if you change your name, so go change it.

My wife never changed her name in the first place. She still goes by hers, I still go by mine. Confuses the hell outta everyone. It's funny.
2006-05-04 12:17 PM
in reply to: #414768

Pro
4612
20002000500100
MA
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

Hey, you're D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D.  Why would other people want you to keep H-I-S name?  Love your daughter's attitute.  All that matters is what you and she thinks.   She's ok with it.  Now it's your choice. 

We Chinese people don't change names when get married.  I think it's one of the best of our culture. 

 

2006-05-04 12:25 PM
in reply to: #414768

Master
2346
200010010010025
Dayton, Minnesota
Bronze member
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

I kept my married name when I got divorced, but only because it's shorter and much easier to spell than my maiden name is, and because I'm lazy enough that I didn't want to go through the work to change my name on legal docs, bills, etc. I also had a fairly amicable divorce, so I didn't feel the need to totally disassociate from the ex. My daughters didn't seem to care one way or the other, which was nice, especially since I'm remarried now and my last name isn't the same as theirs anymore anyway.

In your situation, I would definitely go back to your maiden name.

2006-05-04 12:36 PM
in reply to: #414768

over a barrier
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
It was weird for me.....my first name is my mom's maiden name. So she kept dads name until she remarried.


2006-05-04 12:36 PM
in reply to: #414768

COURT JESTER
12230
50005000200010010025
ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

Your daughter is wise beyond her years. 

My mom kept her married name after my parent divorced (I was 6 at the time).  When my dad remarried (I was 20) she changed back to her maiden name.  She said that since there the new wife would be, Mrs. _____, that there didn't need to be two of them.

Cool note:  Her first birthday after taking back her maiden name I got her a cake that read, "Happy 1st Birthday."

Listen to your daughter and yourself. 

2006-05-04 12:43 PM
in reply to: #414768

Extreme Veteran
604
500100
Northwest Ohio
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
I got married when I was 19 and divorced after 20 years of marriage. I kept my married name for two main reasons: 1) It's the name of my 3 boys, and 2) I have worked in the same field for 20 years and I am known by that name, as well. Plus, if I would have decided to change my name, then I would have had to explain to the dozens and dozens of contacts that I have that my name had changed, and why and I just didn't want to deal with it. Also, since I married so young, I had had the married name for longer than I had had my maiden name! I do a lot of volunteer work in my community and am known by that name. Invariably, people would have continued to call me by that name, so why go through the hassle, in my opinion.

But, I've known other women who have changed back. In most cases, they were changing jobs, and/or moving, and/or did not have children and I think those are all important factors in the decision.

Ultimately, it's your decision so do what you want!

2006-05-04 12:52 PM
in reply to: #414768

Science Nerd
28760
50005000500050005000200010005001001002525
Redwood City, California
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
It sounds like you really want to change your name back and the only person who's opinion you really care about (your daughter) thinks you should change it back, too.  Your daughter, by the way, sounds like an amazing person.  Don't worry about what your ex thinks.  It's not his call.  It's yours.  If I was in your situation, I would probably change my last name back.
2006-05-04 12:53 PM
in reply to: #414768

Elite
2552
20005002525
Evans, GA
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
Do what you want. It's your name. Everybody else can adjust. I would expect my wife to change her name back.
2006-05-04 12:57 PM
in reply to: #414768

Master
1249
100010010025
Lexington, Kentucky
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

I don't know what business you're in, but "Tambra Jo Googly Moogly" is not going to be forgotten.

Your daughter sounds like a very sharp young woman. Listen to her.



Edited by tim_edwards 2006-05-04 12:58 PM


2006-05-04 1:01 PM
in reply to: #414768

Master
1641
100050010025
Seattle, California
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

I say change the name back.  You kid doesn't seem to have a problem with it and I don't see a big problem with your last names being different.  My wife didn't change her last name when we got married, and I really don't think it's a big deal. 

On an unrelated note had a friend who got married and changed his last name to his wifes because his wife (Navada) didn't want her last name to be England

 

  

2006-05-04 1:04 PM
in reply to: #414820

Elite
2458
20001001001001002525
Livingston, MT
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
Zilla - 2006-05-04 9:10 AM

I don't want to keep it. I despise it. I hate what it represents.


That says it all?

2006-05-04 1:07 PM
in reply to: #414768

Extreme Veteran
604
500100
Northwest Ohio
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
I once worked with a guy whose last name was "Feld". He married a woman whose last name was "Goldstein" (or something like that), so they BOTH changed their names to "Feldstein".

That's the one and only time I've ever heard of BOTH parties changing their names!



Now that I think about it, it might have been "Goldberg" and "Feldberg"----whatever! You get the idea......That was about 10 years ago. I wonder if they're still married?

Edited by Bettylou 2006-05-04 1:08 PM
2006-05-04 2:00 PM
in reply to: #414768

Elite Veteran
1817
1000500100100100
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

Since I never changed my name in the first place, it's probably obvious which way I vote !!  You have been a loving, responsible mother and taken your childs feelings into account.  Since she is fine with it, and you want to do it, you really should give yourself permission to not feel the need to please other people on this issue.  You've done good.  You have every right to make this decision. 

2006-05-04 2:11 PM
in reply to: #414768

Expert
941
50010010010010025
WA
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

your daughter sounds like a REAL gem!  hope i have such a wise funny kid some day.  sounds like the only people that don't want you to change your name are not as important as you and your daughter. 



2006-05-04 2:16 PM
in reply to: #414768

Elite
3201
20001000100100
South Florida
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
I think you should change it back. It's what you want and your daughter is OK with it so it works out perfectly.

On a side note - to avoid this in the future everyone should do what my grandparents did. They had the same last name before they got married. They were onyl off by one letter - kunutsEn and knutsOn.
2006-05-04 2:41 PM
in reply to: #414828

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2006-05-04 3:04 PM
in reply to: #414820

Master
1534
100050025
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change
Zilla - 2006-05-04 1:10 PM

I don't want to keep it.  I despise it.  I hate what it represents.  But it's still my daughters last name and I didn't want her to feel like I was tossing it aside like garbage when it is still a part of her.  I would never say anything negative or how I really feel to her about that name and I am confident she is just fine with me changing it.  Oddly enough all of my divorced friends w/ kids kept their married names. 

When I was growing up my last name was different from my mom's. I never even met my dad and he never showed any interest in meeting me but I carried his name until I was 16, the age when I could legally change it without "dad" saying no way, which he did believe it or not every time we tried . I changed it to my grandpa's last name (which was my mom's last name all along) because to me my grandpa is my father. I hated not having the same last name as my mom growing up.  I felt like I wasn't part of the family and was stuck with a name of a man who abandoned me.  So I am sure these issues are coming into play even though the situation is not the same.

Kids have better things to worry about that the whole name thing, trust me. Just don't get to annoyed when your children's friends come over and say "Hey Mrs.____".

I would say go back to your maiden name, but take your proffession into account too. If you work in an industry where customors have to deal with changing names all the time they tend to get a little cranky. After my step-mom got divorced she took on a job in sales, stayed with her maiden name ever since.

2006-05-04 3:37 PM
in reply to: #414768

Champion
4902
20002000500100100100100
Ottawa, Ontario
Subject: RE: Divorce/kids/name change

The hell with nay sayers who feel that you should not change your name.  Do what you want to do, after all it's your name.  Your daughter has the right attitude.

New Thread
Other Resources My Cup of Joe » Divorce/kids/name change Rss Feed  
 
 
of 2