Nervous about asking for her mother and fathers blessing

Dude that was one of the most stressful days in my life. It was the right thing to do. But man I had a headache all day when I went for coffee with my future father in law...

Less stressful then when I asked my wife.... He knew for 3 weeks before I asked her.. he said that was the hard part for him.

Can't offer any advice, but I think it is great that there are still some 'old-fashioned types' out there.  The world needs more old fashioned.

All the best!

I wasn't there when my husband asked my parents' blessing. I was in the shower actually getting ready for us to go out. Apparently the question took my mom by surprise, because as she and my husband tell it, she was laying back in the recliner watching TV with my Dad beside her. When my husband broached the topic she jerked the recliner to sitting and grabbed her chest over her heart. We now call it "the heart-attack" chair. My Dad I guess knew it was getting serious and it was the only time in their marriage probably when Dad was more intuitive than Mom. I know it meant a lot to my parents that he asked. I am their baby and all. 

So... be sure they aren't too relaxed when you bring it up? Don't want to bring on any heart attacks.

I have two boys, one is a man, and the other is almost a man.  I would hope that they would go to their fiance's parents and ask their blessings on their marriage.  It does show something about your character. It also sends the message that you would like to include them in your married life.  I was once told during pre marriage counseling (27 years ago) that you don't just marry the person, but that you also marry the family (like it or not).

I was lucky and had a great relationship with my mother-in-law.  I also have a good relationship with (most of) my husband's siblings.

Best of luck to you in your future marriage.

I think it's great you are asking for their blessing. It's not asking for permission by any means.  I asked my fiance to ask for my parents blessing.  It was a sign of respect and acknowledgement that he is becoming a part of our family as much as I am becoming a part of his.

My fiance was really nervous and the fact that you are only tells me good things.  Good luck!!

GO FOR IT!

I did the "traditional ask for permission thing" with my wife's FIL back in '91 (her mother had passed away the year before).  He probably knew it was coming and thought I was cute like a little puppy.  "Sure kid.  My daughter could do worse," he joked.  "And when you ask her, here, use her late mother's diamond ring.  It'll mean a lot to her."

... Which was AWESOME because at the time I had just graduated college and didn't ave two nickels to rub together!  Ka-ching!!!

Your future in-laws will be THRILLED you did this!

That's an interesting thought, that the older you are the less it matters.
Do others feel this way?

I don't, but maybe I'm old fashioned that way.
  

Love it.

I asked my wife's mother because her father was not really in the picture much, at that time.  I asked her in September knowing I was going to be asking my wife in October on our dating anniversary.  She was a great lady.  Unfortunately, she died in a car wreck on proposal day.  I still went through with it to show that my wife she had support during a tough time.  I then had to meet her father, for the first time later that weekend, after the funeral.  Fortunately, we became quite good friends and he thought of me as the son he never had.

I think it is a great idea, no matter how old you are.  And I would hope that if we had kids, my son would do the same or my daughter's significant other would do the same.  Love it. 

I wish I would have had a chance to ask for my wife's hand. I would have been old fashioned like that too.

Unfortunately she only had a sperm donor who was long out of the picture and a step dad that she didn't care to see as a dad. 

I would have asked her mom, but her mom was pushing me long before I was ready so I was pretty sure she would be okay with it. 

I had already proposed to my wife before I asked her parents. We lived about 3 hours away, so we drove home with the intent of me speaking to her parents. (we hd dated 6 years so I think everyone knew we would get married) Anyways, as I am driving home, I am thinking this through for 3 hours about how I want it to go and what I want to say and preparing for any questions they might throw at me about whatever.

So we pull in the driveway, get out of the car and her parents are comingout to greet us like always and then my future blurts out 'We're getting married!!"

I wish I had known she was going to do that, it would have made the drive back home so much less stressful!  But we did make sure that we had their blessing and we approached the conversation together.

I think that it is all very situational dependent, and age is a part of the equation. 

For us it wasn't such a big deal (i.e. the no permission asking).  We were both 32 when I proposed, we had been together for over 3 years, and we had lived together for almost 2 at the time.  On top of that, she had been married before and her parents were more like friends in that we (the four of us) hung out together, went on trips together, etc. 

My DH didn't ask either - but he's funny about it. He said he thought about it because he is traditional in that way but he didn't because there would be no way that my parents could keep the secret until he had a chance to ask .... hahahaha - so true! Everyone in my family would have known within hours ...

I was mid-30s and my wife was early 40s and we both had been out on our own for quite some time.  Still thought it was right to do this.  I did ask for "permission" rather than a blessing.  Don't know what I would have done if they said NO .

Congratulations! It will go great!

I was 23 but my fiance was 40.   Even at the young age of 23 I would have felt asking my dad was kind of disrespectful to me, but that's something one should know about their potential fiance.  I also walked myself down the aisle.  I don't dislike my dad, but he was MANY years removed from being responsible for me.  Even my mom, who did most of the work, had already set me off to be my own women at that point.

However, if it's something you know the family would appreciate I think it's a nice idea.  

Good luck to the OP!   I am sure it will be really exciting for everyone.

I think it's lovely, and I also believe that your nervousness shows that you realize what a big deal this is for everyone involved and the significance of the commitment you're about to make.  My DH tried rather hard to get in touch with my dad, who was on an off-the-grid hunting expedition in Wyoming (went so far as to have Dad's police department trying to hunt him down) and my mom's phone lines were down.  Hilarious.  But I appreciate that he did attempt to show that kind of respect to my parents, despite the fact that I was no one's 'property' or responsibility at that point (27 years old).  I certainly didn't need anyone's permission, per se, but I think that gesture shows respect and courtesy to the other's family. 

I'm so interested to hear what happens--congratulations, skipg!! 

Depends on the couple when you're older I think.  I wouldn't completely rule it out...

I have some friends who were in their early 30s and had never been married.  When we was preparing to propose to her, I asked him if he had asked her dad yet.  He thought that was silly because they were in their 30s.

But I knew her pretty well.  She was very traditional and so close to her dad that he went over to her house on weekends to mow her lawn!

So he decided to ask her dad's blessing.  When he proposed, the first thing she asked was "did you ask my dad?"  Needless to say he was pretty thankful he asked!

To the OP - I'm sure it will go exceedingly well!  Excited for you!

Andi