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2016-12-24 1:29 PM
in reply to: IronOx

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
I am on this (the North American) side of the pond right now, but Merry Christmas to all across the Pacific, and merry Christmas Eve to everyone else/ (And happy birthday tomorrow to Janyne!)


2016-12-24 3:15 PM
in reply to: Hot Runner

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Merry Christmas my Manatee friends.
Thanks so much for helping me through a bit of a tough year. I have really appreciated your support and I hope that you have a great Christmas Day.
2016-12-24 10:10 PM
in reply to: StaceyK

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
2016-12-25 12:05 PM
in reply to: jmkizer

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Happy birthday! We got a sunny day (so far) for Christmas here in Oregon. Heading out in about an hour for long-ish run to celebrate!
2016-12-26 9:43 AM
in reply to: Hot Runner

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

I hope that everyone had a great holiday weekend!

2016-12-26 4:28 PM
in reply to: jmkizer

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Pennsylvania
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

*crickets*

Our forum, like my workplace, is a bit like a ghost town today.



2016-12-26 6:00 PM
in reply to: melbo55

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Sorry--out training! Long swim workout plus weights. By the time I get to/from the pool, plus hot tub, changing, etc. it seems like most of the day is gone! Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday!
2016-12-27 3:52 AM
in reply to: melbo55

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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Originally posted by melbo55

*crickets*

Our forum, like my workplace, is a bit like a ghost town today.


it is a little isn't it.
I'm sorry that you had to go to work today. Monday and Tuesday are holidays here in Australia. And I am actually on leave until Tuesday 3rd January which is great. I have spent the last 2 days in the garden. Yesterday I got sunburnt and today I got rained on. But I haven't had much time at home lately because of work so the garden needs a fair bit of TLC.
2016-12-27 7:37 AM
in reply to: StaceyK

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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

2016-12-27 7:41 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Master
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Orlando
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

Oh no, I am so very sorry for you and the rest of Oscar's friends and family. Nothing I can say will help with your grief, but I am sorry and am thinking of you and him.

2016-12-27 8:24 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Champion
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

Oh Sweets!!!!!! I can only send you giant comforting hugs.



2016-12-27 8:27 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Pennsylvania
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

I'm so very, very sorry Yanti.  It's such a shame for a bright light like Oscar to go out and especially under questionable circumstances.  You are very much in my thoughts and prayers, again, I'm so sorry to hear of this.  (((hugs)))  You've lost so many friends this year.

2016-12-27 8:34 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Member
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Simsbury, Connecticut
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.




OMG I'm so sorry
2016-12-27 9:11 AM
in reply to: StaceyK

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Master
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Raleigh, NC area
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by StaceyK
Originally posted by melbo55

*crickets*

Our forum, like my workplace, is a bit like a ghost town today.

it is a little isn't it. I'm sorry that you had to go to work today. Monday and Tuesday are holidays here in Australia. And I am actually on leave until Tuesday 3rd January which is great. I have spent the last 2 days in the garden. Yesterday I got sunburnt and today I got rained on. But I haven't had much time at home lately because of work so the garden needs a fair bit of TLC.

But are you winning in your challenge? We all want to see you kick some serious butt!

2016-12-27 9:12 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Master
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Raleigh, NC area
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

Oh no!  I am shocked and saddened to hear this.  My heart goes out to you and all of Oscar's friends and family. {{hugs}}

2016-12-27 9:38 AM
in reply to: jmkizer

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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by jmkizer

Originally posted by StaceyK
Originally posted by melbo55

*crickets*

Our forum, like my workplace, is a bit like a ghost town today.

it is a little isn't it. I'm sorry that you had to go to work today. Monday and Tuesday are holidays here in Australia. And I am actually on leave until Tuesday 3rd January which is great. I have spent the last 2 days in the garden. Yesterday I got sunburnt and today I got rained on. But I haven't had much time at home lately because of work so the garden needs a fair bit of TLC.

But are you winning in your challenge? We all want to see you kick some serious butt!

Ha. In the giant black hole that is today, I was actually thinking of Stace Face. She's on the receiving end of a lot of my Oscar stories.

She has also lost so very much this terrible, terrible year. <3



2016-12-27 9:46 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Master
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Englewood, Florida
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

Oh Yanti, I am so sorry for your loss and that of Oscar's family and friends. I know you have a lot of yourself invested in him and I hope and pray that you all can find comfort somewhere in the midst of this mess.

2016-12-27 10:05 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Master
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.

OMG. Yanti I am so sorry. Wow, no words.
2016-12-27 11:12 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Master
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Eugene, Oregon
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
OMG..... Cannot imagine how you feel right now. I did not know Oscar personally, but I have seen him race at Bintan and in Singapore. and know the kind of poverty that he came from to do that. One gutsy (and hot) guy and a real loss.... I know he had young kids--my prayers are with the family, as well as you!
2016-12-27 11:37 AM
in reply to: Hot Runner

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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Originally posted by Hot Runner OMG..... Cannot imagine how you feel right now. I did not know Oscar personally, but I have seen him race at Bintan and in Singapore. and know the kind of poverty that he came from to do that. One gutsy (and hot) guy and a real loss.... I know he had young kids--my prayers are with the family, as well as you!

There was even a modeling option with Oakley in the works. I thought about you today. It is some comfort to me that you did know him, in a way. The most extraordinary person I've known. My dad and Kingsley are up there, but Oscar was nicer.

Trying to cope with coming "home" to Jakarta without my BFF partner-in-crime Wisnu being here was awful. Our friends got together last night (roughly same group goes out most Mondays and sometimes Fridays), but I just didn't feel like I could go. Yet. Maybe Friday. Maybe not. Still so raw.

Then I woke up to this morning's news about Oscar.

Does. Not. Compute. Can. Not. Compute.

 

And everyone, by all means, keep talking tri. And/or life. And anything else. Honestly nothing is making anything better or worse right now and we've all had terrible losses this year, Nancypops - Steve, and for many of us other loved ones as well.

2016-12-27 1:17 PM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Expert
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.




I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the shock and grief you are going through. I pray that you and his family can heal from this.


2016-12-27 6:21 PM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Veteran
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200010010010010025
Western Australia
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.


Oh Yanti I haven't got words, but I'm sending you massive mastiff sized melon presses.

In so very many ways 2016 has been a year.
2016-12-27 9:24 PM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Member
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
Originally posted by IndoIronYanti

Haven't the right words, or anything, and feel like nothing will ever be right again.

Oscar killed himself early this morning. He may have been forced to. The circumstances are very, very murky. But nothing changes or can change the fact that he is dead, and no answers or explanations will ever make one bit of difference. Any closure comes with the acceptance that there CAN be no closure here.

I did not realize until today how much of my life--time, energy, resources, love, creativity and joy in difficult circumstances--centered around him. I did, and do, respect him more than anyone I have ever known. "Parent" probably describes my relationship with him more than anything else, and we were in daily contact, which as you can imagine weighs very very very heavily on me.

I know logic, and I have faith. But they are nothing in the face of overwhelming, crushing, nearly unbearable grief and guilt.




I have no words, Yanti. Sending you hugs.
2016-12-28 9:19 AM
in reply to: IndoIronYanti

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Katy, Texas
Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois
I'm so sorry Yanti
2016-12-28 12:18 PM
in reply to: Jet Black

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Melon Presser
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Subject: RE: Manatee Mentors 2016 - Manatee à trois

Thank you all for your kind, kind words.

I was speaking with Kingsley today, and mentioned what I did here: that I only now realized how much of my life centered around Oscar.

He replied so very gently and tenderly, "Most of it."

Oscar's stuff, or rather stuff for Oscar is everywhere I look--new kits from De Soto, Northwave shoes, goggles, glasses, bike parts, swim cords ... boxes and packages all around. We were just discussing last week placement of all the new sponsor logos on his race kits--Cervelo, New Balance, Rudy Project, Northwave, Oakley, Pure Nutrition, several others. I am also seeing on FB that everything I ever taught Oscar, he was passing on to countless others. While we always had a small group of very interested people at all our training sessions together, I didn't know the extent of what he was giving. To everyone.

I still feel responsible for him. I know in my head I couldn't have known--obviously--and I helped him as much as I possibly could (probably a bit more than that, even). But feelings don't respond to reason. That's why they're called feelings, not logic.

I'll be traveling to Bintan tomorrow and will be able to talk more with his family (of which he has very little, but three small children) and friends. I did realize today that Oscar died at the same age his father did. Possibly in similar circumstances. It is a great shame that much of Asia, including Indonesia, has a very strong shame culture. Whatever happened, Oscar felt such deep shame, and then suicide is doubly shameful. It's a terrible trap.

My fave picture of us is below. There were fire ants on the trees and most other leaning surfaces were taken, so we leaned our bikes against each other to hold them up.

***Please consider giving whatever you feel you can to help his family. Paypal will probably be easiest for most as you can use a credit card (or your own Paypal account if you have one). Don't hesitate to give a small amount--remember that purchasing power here means $5 will buy you here what would cost $50 in the U.S***





(160.OscarGive.jpg)



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